Would you be pissed??? *language
Disclaimer: I'm fucking irate and feel totally shit on, I'm also 30 weeks pregnant and feel like my life is completely falling apart after I thought we made some serious progress so if you feel like I'm totally overreacting throw me a freaking bone
SD17 has been a sore spot in our relationship since she turned 13. I'm always the bad guy "Who just doesn't like her" disney dad gives her any and everything she wants bc poor SD17 "is the victim of a broken family" and she uses her presence as punishment. We've been through the child support, visitation- she refused etc. She comes around on the holidays and her birthday to collect her gifts daddy OWES her. She doesn't acknowledge means treats my DD like dog shit with rude comments and dirty looks when we are out of ear shot.
Which leads to this post...........She hasn't spent the night in 3 years comes over barely, when she wants $ or buttering up for gifts. Her "bedroom" is more of a guest room and baby storage for now. She stops by yesterday while I was at the nail shop, and asks daddy if she can spend the night with 3 of her friends bc her moms house is too small........ Fdh delighted that she wants anything to do with him at his house agreed. He told me last night, and I'm just angry. #1 shouldn't you ask me if I'm cool with it?????? #2 She hasn't spent the night in so long, doesn't ever come to visit but can use our house for a fucking slumber party??? At 17 years old??? #3 What about the rest of us DH?????? DD has practice it's my one night where I get an hour and a half of being home alone and relaxing. I broke my fucking back on sunday deep cleaning getting ready for thanksgiving and we spent $400 on groceries. They eat us out of house and home.
FDH and I are seriously having the break up talk. I can't fight the battle anymore. When his kid decides to grace us with her presence the whole fucking world stops spinning, I'm at the end of my rope and of course it all boils down to I hate his kid and he resents me for hating his daughter...............I can't even defend myself anymore. Theres just nothing left to say. I have repeated the whole, I'm an adult, you need to respect my feelings in our home and run shit by me before you just ok it. If it has to do with her I'm the last to find out- which should be a fucking given, shouldn't even have to say it.
I told him I hated him, which I really do right now. I'm usually strong and stand my ground and I just can't right now. I'm exhausted by it all and feel guilty that I'm about to bring a little girl into such a fucked up situation when I thought we had come past all this. I seriously want to leave and never look back.
Can't fight the battle with his fucking kid anymore, tired of getting accused and always being the bad guy because she can treat us like shit and "she's just a kid"
I just can't anymore
Yes, I'd be pissed off too.
Yes, I'd be pissed off too. I'd also pack my bags and make sure I wasn't there to help daddykins and his special snowflake and her mooching posse that night. Check into a hotel and take your dd with you. Screw him.
^^^^^Agree
^^^^^Agree
I've been going back and
I've been going back and forth about going to a hotel, I'm not making up excuses trust me, but I live in a large city when're parking alone is $30+, DD has practice till 9:15pm and I have an 8:20am Dr appt and have to get DD to daycare even before that. It's not impossible bc going to a hotel was my original plan but it's making a lot more work for myself. I def don't plan on being home all night. When I heard she stopped by last night I went shopping after my nails bc I can't stand being around her I'm fucking exhausted. I just want my "normal" home life back. We did the 50/50 before and this is how it was- everyones lives was turned upside down while SD was there then went back to normal till her next visit........
He NEVER should have ever
He NEVER should have ever agreed without consulting you or talking to you! OMG! I'm so sorry he did that!
You have every right to be
You have every right to be pissed. FDH is being a total asshole. I'm sorry you have to deal with all of this. He should revoke the permission he gave SD. He is way out of line. If he doesn't revoke it, high tail it out of there for the night and let him deal with the sleepover. THEN - have a little sit down and tell him where you stand. Make him see your point of view somehow.
This is only the beginning. He's giving you a clear picture of things to come. Don't hope it will suddenly change. Take care of yourself and your kids. Good Luck (((hugs)))
I'm to the point where I
I'm to the point where I can't even talk to him. Thats why I'm so upset and depressed, he agrees to things and says shit that sounds good and when it comes time to act upon what we agreed on he fails every time and agrees to whatever sd wants instead. DD and I are his "fill in" family till his real kids come around, then we are pushed aside.
So sorry! I went through
So sorry! I went through this, too. When I finally reached my breaking point I let it all out. I told DH that "I AM YOUR WIFE. YOU ARE LOYAL TO ME AND I AM LOYAL TO YOU. When you push me aside you are telling me and the skids and MY kids that I am not important to you. If you continue to do that, I am out of here. I was married to someone who thought he could do that to me and he's gone. You do not have loyalty to your children, they have loyalty to their parents (or they should) but it doesn't work the other way.
I told him I would walk and I meant it. I didn't want to and I love him dearly, but I wasn't willing to be 2nd to his kids. He got it, still struggles with it at times, too. But he knows which side his bread is buttered on.
Your DH needs to grow a pair and decide which person is loyal to him and which one is using him. Which person is there through thick and thin and which one is only present when she wants something. It's time for DH to be a man and stop letting his punk kid make the rules. PUH-LEASE.
Hang in there!
This is it exactly. His ex
This is it exactly. His ex wife and SD17 have guilted and manipulated him for so many years before I was even in the picture he honestly believes he owes SD something in life. It's 50% his fault that she had to grow up in a broken family and he will forever be in debt to her. Not even kidding, this is how he acts. If he EVER says no or stands up to SD it's immediately you love goincrazy more then me and choose her over your own kid!!! And....he shuts down.
I need off this ride, this vicious cycle is seriously about to break me.
The only upside is she is 17,
The only upside is she is 17, so hopefully next year will be college and most of this will end? or at least start to end???
Thats the only hope I have for myself, so I just thought I would share it.
Thats the only reason I've
Thats the only reason I've stuck it out this long..........I'm seriously regretting. I'm regretting everything right now. I have never known a nightmare like this, to be with a man who has fucking kids.
Is one person in your
Is one person in your marriage allowed to have house guests without the approval of the other person? SO and I are not married, and it was my house first, but I know that I have to okay inviting people over. That's what equal partners do. He's not treating you like an equal. You're right... it doesn't matter whether it's his child or not, he should have asked YOU the other adult in his life, if you were okay with having people over BEFORE saying yes to his daughter.
SO PATHETIC! He completely
SO PATHETIC! He completely disgusts and repulses me right now, he's acting like oh no big deal, I can't believe you are mad about a sleepover.......It's so much more then that. Where ever they are they will take over, the kitchen, living room etc.
Hope he has fun picking up after them and spotlessly cleaning the house and washing all the blankets they use before thanksgiving dinner....I'm NOT doing shit
that was my first thought,
that was my first thought, too. Sounds like they might get away with something covert at dad's and not mom's?
I bet BM said no. It is
I bet BM said no. It is Thanksgiving week , enough to do already.
How old is your DD?
I say go for broke and have her invite double the amount of friends for same night sleepover
Raise the stakes. Hey DH I see your teenie bopper slumber party and I raise you double the trouble
With DD's friends. ( not up on my poker lingo). Hell even if you don't invite more kids
Tell him you will. Use your poker face and bluff him.
He would seriously be in the doghouse and on the couch that night too.
How is that going to look to the SD friends?
Do what you need to do to take care of yourself.
Also
Don't give up control of your house. The slumber party stays in the bedroom.
Bedtime and quiet is whatever you say it is and SD cleans up any mess. Including
Coming early to set up and clean the bathroom and stay the next day to wash all the bedding. Or they
Bring their own sleeping bags.
Movie night for you in your clean living room.
Do it lady. Heck with them all. Embarress her ass in front of
Her friends if necessary. You are pregnant who will blame you?
Peace and enjoy your Thanksgiving. It will be what you make it.
Make it what you want. The rest be damned.
Truly shitty thing to do to
Truly shitty thing to do to you at 30 weeks pregnant. He should have communicated with you first before confirming with SD. If I was in your place my DH would probably have contacted me but I don't think that I would have had grounds to decline the request if DH wants it to happen - after all it is his bio and he pays for half of all expenses. In my situation. It would be a 'Hey, SD really wants to have a slumber party with her friends at our house and I want to give her the okay - are you cool with that?' Anything other than a 'yes' would probably have sent us into a similar tailspin. I don't know if this situation would be break-up worthy though - you're having a baby with this man I'm sure that he has many redeeming qualities?
I have bios with my dh, and I
I have bios with my dh, and I would be pissed and angry if he ever told our daughter, unilaterally that she could have a sleepover.
That is not a decision you unilaterally make when you are a parent. If it were me I would cancel the party, period. And I am the mom. If DH wouldnt agree then I would be planting my ass in the living room in my robe watching tv and yipping if they so much as make a sound.
BINGO!! Totally agree with
BINGO!! Totally agree with this!!
Your DH obviously has lost his balls when it comes to precious..so you're gonna have to retrieve them for him - whether he likes it or not.
Call SD and cancel it. and yes. Do it in front of DH. When he tries to yell..tell him this is what it feels like to be disrespected in your own home, fool! Then slap the stupid look off his face for him.
I'd be pissed, and then some.
I'd be pissed, and then some. You have every right to be pissed, don't let him tell you any different. My SS is not allowed even one friend without my consent (dh's rule). But of course, since daddy-o would never, ever tell his little prince no to anything, SS would know it was mean ol' stepmom saying no, and thus make me the bad guy. I get sooooo sick of having a stepkid. I have nearly nothing to complain about, compared to a lot of people. I can't imagine how horrible it is for some people.
Yes! I would pissed too!
Yes! I would pissed too! Unless he is a bachelor its not up to him if the home you dwell in as well can be used as flop house for wayward girls! Tell him to give you money to stay a spa with your bff and get prenatal massage or the dumb ass slumber party aint gonna happen!
you have every right to be
you have every right to be angry. honestly this is not unusual for divorced fathers to totally lose their common sense as well as their testicles. make yourself and your baby a priority. also take to an attorney in case things get bad.
Goodness this is bad news. I
Goodness this is bad news. I can't believe he had the nerve to ok the sleepover with you being pregnant! Noooooo! Even if you weren't pregnant, there is a respect issue here, and he doesn't get it. You're going to have to do something over the top to spook him. Yell at him, have a crazy breakdown in front of him, or leave and get a nice hotel for a FEW days. When you don't come back after the fist night, maybe he'll get the respect issue. I am so pissed for you. It's a holiday week and you're pregnant AND SD17 hasn't been around in forever.
DH needs to stop being a pushover!