Super manipulative skid
I've got a super manipulative 9 year old skid, and it drives me crazy...and DH just doesn't even notice! SS9 is always telling us awful things that his mom/stepdad says about us, and most of the time, it's a lie (I've caught him.) Then he turns around and lies to his mom about things we say which results in fights between BM and DH (both of whom are quicker to believe horrible things about each other than to believe SS is lying.) When I take him grocery shopping, he goes on about how his mom makes the best everything. When i put him to bed, he talks about how his mom is so horrible and how he wishes I was his mom. He is always bragging about being the smartest and most mature kid in school and how he has making his own food at his mom's since he was 5...and then he turns around and acts frustrated when DH and i don't pour his cereal and milk for him and gets annoyed when his water is not in the right waterbottle. DH says, "Oh, he's just being a kid." I don't think so. If my biokid acted like this, I would think I had done something incredible wrong. I mean, I feel for the kid--his parents are always fighting over him. But, I don't think I can make an exception for his manipulative/bratty behavior. Playing with people's emotions is not cool.And, guess what, skid? You don't own the world.
I think you need to have a
I think you need to have a heart to heart with him and ask him how he really feels and let him know how it makes you feel. Open up to him and let him know you understand he is in a difficult situation and you know it's not easy to be in his situation. Tell him that you want to be there for him but it hurts when he is constantly saying conflicting things. I'm sure he is conflicted himself and doesn't know how to handle all of this. Ask how he would feel if he was being lied to or manipulated in the way he is doing to you. Ask what he expects from this relationship and lay down your expectations. Try to find common ground and ask him to help you find a solution to this. Kids want to feel understood and like they are part of the solution rather than the problem. Hope that helps a little.
DH has talked to him a bit
DH has talked to him a bit about it, and I think SS9 does genuinely feel conflicted, about me, BM, and our new families, so I sympathize with him in that way. DH thinks it's healthy for him to be talking rather than silent, even if he is fibbing/exaggerating things a little bit because he's a kid and can't be expected to know how to deal with it appropriately. But, at some point, isn't it important to learn that you can't play with people's emotions?
Yeah, makes me feel sad, too.
Yeah, makes me feel sad, too. Manipulation is not pleasant at any age and harder to deal with in kids because they don't really understand what they are doing...
Yeah, makes me feel sad, too.
Yeah, makes me feel sad, too. Manipulation is not pleasant at any age and harder to deal with in kids because they don't really understand what they are doing...
We had the very same issue
We had the very same issue but with my SD...
We decided to put both parents, step parents, & the child together for a "family meeting". That is when we had the child repeat what they said & right in front of EVERYONE. My SD did not like being busted from her lie after lie that she made up. It really works even though it sucks having to be around the other birth parent. Just remember its the look on the child's face that makes it worth doing the "family meeting". I also jotted down what all my SD was saying so nothing would get overlooked.