I've been reading this site for 5 years but never posted. Reading your posts and responses have helped me through so much but now I need some personalised advice. DH and I have been together almost 6 years. He has two kids, SS17 and SS13 and I have one DS8, we have shared custody of all. My relationship with ss have been a rollercoaster. Of course we have to deal with a crazy BM that calls for anything and everything. DH and I decided to add to our family and after 2 hard years of trying to conceive we finally have. Dont ask me how but SS17 found out, must have gone through my room and saw my test. He wrote nasty stuff on FB like his dad is making the biggest misktake with me. I found out through family as DH and I do not have FB. I confronted him about it or should I say blew up and told him he was very two faced since the day he wrote it and days until I found out he acted normal. I told him how much he hurt me and his dad and how disappointed I was at his age to be acting like such a child. He just had this look like he didnt give a shit how much he hurt me. DH told him he needed to respect his wife and the choices we made. SS17 always gets what he wants, never missed out on anything so I dont get why he cares that we will have a baby. He told DH he would move out to his mom's full time when baby comes, DH said well if that is thecase you can move out now. I was very proud of DH cause he's finally not letting the kids control him.
I now suffer from severe anxiety, I'm sad about the situation and feel guilty as I wanted a child so much. My DS8 is excited about a sibling, his other son is so oblivious all he does is play Xbox so he couldnt care less. DH says I shouldnt feel this way but cant help but feel responsible and I hate this. He doesnt deserve me still being sad over this. He's 17 should know better then to try to still control his dad's life. He gave us such a hard time when we started dating, then when we got married. Every milestone of our relationship have been ruined because of him and MiL. WHen she finds out about pregnancy I can just imagine the guilt trips she will give poor DH about it. She is also jealous of our relationship and the fact that we are close to my parents and not her. She has been so mean to me, I never look forward to seeing her and over the years we see her less and less. She always talks about DH exes or whatever she can to hurt me. Always puts my son and I down. Never good enough for her. I dont cook enough, dont do laundry the way she would, anything she can pick on she does. She can be nice but is so two-faced, I see where SS17 got his attitude. Like SS17 she found a way to ruin all our milestones and last Christmas and New Years.
I guess I had the luck of growing up in a normal family and all this stress and drama I'm just not used to. I'm scared DH will resent me for his family giving him such a hassle about our relationship, I hate that I let them get to me this bad. I have anxiety attacks almost daily. I'm scared to answer phone at home as BM keeps calling me names and says her son wont see his dad because of me. The day after he moved in with her full time she was already asking for more CS. Anyway, I guess this is more a vent. If any of you have ideas on how I can stop caring about what they think of me and start living my life happily please share. I try to talk to DH but he just tells me, yes he's hurt but doesnt let it get to him and says I should do the same. I'm thinking of seeing a councellor again, I did when I separated from my DS' dad and helped back then.