BM got her papers.... I have some questions regarding her response to them
So she called today. Well actually she had SS15 and SS11 call. Then she ripped the phone from them. Began screaming at DH telling him he was a POS right in front of the kids. And how the kids think he is an asshole and how he is just a worthless father.. then she would say RIGHT SD17... and then SD17 was in the background YEAH DAD you are and we hate you BLA BLA BLA... convo went on for about 20 minutes (he lets her talk so she can hang herself) she kept asking the kids isn't your dad this isn't he that. He never helps out does he? She kept bringing the kids into the convo. Cursing him out.... (he was laughing) so I guess my questions are...
She said she has many friends that will testify against him that he has become an "asshole" dad... (I believe its because he is telling her no now when she calls for EVERY single thing)
She said a judge will NOT make her meet us half way because she moved to better her life for College... BUT there is a college RIGHT near us that offered the same program. She also threw out there that and because her BF got a great job offer where they moved to.
I am under the impression that SHE chose to move there. Didn't ask DH or anything. Just up and moved. She didn't let the courts know she was moving. And isn't it right if she moved then she must pay half the traveling if not all?
She also mentioned that because we chose to NOT let SD17 stay with us this summer that will make a judge mad... and it will look bad. First of all WE did NOT tell her she couldn't stay. We told her she had to be respectful in our home. She refused so BM told her she could stay at her grandparents for the summer.
We didn't say no. SD17 was given an option by BM and that is why she didn't stay with us. They actually expect my DH to move out when his daughter comes to visit? WTF
So to my next question. Can we use this in court EVEN though he has not bee officially charged? It's documented because all the girls made statements but then retracted their statements......
The GRANDFATHER has had 5 GIRLS come forward in a matter of 20 years saying that he MOLESTED them.... yet BM keeps sending her teenage DAUGHTER THERE????? He was suppose to go to prison this summer because one granddaughter decided to follow through with charges. So that is why DH said ok she can go there to help her grandmother out... well LATER we discovered that they put him in HIDING for the summer!!!!!!!!!!!!! So he showed up the last week that SD17 was there. And the only reason we found that out was because SD17 drove HIS truck to my DH mothers house. And my MIL asked her where she got her grandpa's truck. Her reply SSHHH I'm not talking about it. OMG are these people for REAL???????? So MIL had her stay the night at her home then the next night at a family friends. I just don't understand these people.
We got told (through the grapevine) that the granddaughter backed out again on going through with charges so he is a free man. HE molested BM and her sister. He molested ALL three daughters from BM sister..... and BM STILL thinks its OK to send her KIDS THERE????? WTF????? My DH is livid. We were told he was going to jail.
So she said she is coming after us guns loaded. with many people to testify that DH has become a jerk and a shitty father.... ALL of this stemming from MONEY. WE had skids for 8 weeks this summer and everything was great. No problems at all. The only time there are issues is when BM makes skids call to ask DH to put money in their mom's account...... Then the kids give him the but dad we have no money.... well he just put money in the week before and more will be in in a few days. Sorry there isn't any more. WE HAVE NO MORE. OMG we have nothing. The only reason we could afford christmas last year was because I sold EVERY single piece of jewelry I owned. What part of we don't have it does this bitch NOT GET?
DH did the best thing EVER today... I am SO PROUD OF HIM
He said to her:
If the kids need more money why don't you get a JOB!!!!!! I'm doing my part. YOU ARE NOT! She replied with "WHAT?" I'm going back to school to better my education so I can support them later... UM later? SD17 is graduating this year. SS15 is a freshman and SS11 is in 6th grade. She is milking this schooling out for as long as she can....
Our BM.. lives off the
Our BM.. lives off the state..... her BF and my DH. If not for those three people she would have nothing...... Our BM has the skids. We are fighting to get time with them. That's all. She is refusing to give him the CO visitation. Yet she will drive down here in the middle of the night drop skids off at 2am... then run to her parents to put her father in hiding... but now has no money to meet us half way.. SHE moved the 6 hours away not us. UGH!!!!!
It makes me sick thinking she would be ok with sending her daughter to the abuser's home where she was ABUSED! WHO the HELL DOES THAT? I can't wait till DH takes her to mediation and she has to answer for those actions.
We are a one party state. And
We are a one party state. And we got the recorder. Let the hanging begin!!!!!
Okay, first of all you have
Okay, first of all you have to look at YOUR part in this... wait for it, I too have a CRAZY BM.. Your priority is the kids, PERIOD. It is VERY detrimental to them to hear this kind of talk about their father coming from BM. (I had the same exact problem) What you MUST do is insist that all conversational communication cease IMMEDIATELY. I cannot stress this enough. Inform the BM via email that you will no longer accept any of her calls. If she picks up the phone when you are talking to the kids, or DH is talking to the kids, tell her you refuse to speak to her, if she refuses to stop talking or talks over the kids while you are trying to talk with them, HANG UP!!! Record your (and DH's) conversations with the kids and when she gets on, nicely, quietly and politely ask her to put "Tommy" or whoever back on the phone and tell her you are happy to communicate with her for non-emergency situations via email. Then repeat again and again to put the child back on the phone. After doing that a few times, HANG UP THE PHONE. What she is doing is ILLEGAL.
One last point to note: it won't look good for your DH in court if his recording includes him laughing and goading her on. Tell him to grow up and stop participating in the madness... for the sake of the kids... tell him to stop this nonsense...
The email should read like the following (also, going forward, send YOURSELF a dairy via email daily that shares the incidents with the ex that you experience so you have a time stamped record to show the court)
Dear (BM name here)
I was extremely distressed during our telephone conversation last night (or on a particular date such as August. 23,) as your yelling and screaming xxxxx (give examples here of the worst of it - include drawing the kids into the mess... don't be general such as: "you were saying awful things", be specific, as in "you said that I didn't pay for school clothes then asked the kids what they thought and then they said ....." if there was swearing involved, definitely include that, include all of it if it is all pretty awful) was inappropriate and to add to that, it was done in front of our children Tommy, Mary and Sally. This is detrimental to their well being and undermines me as their father. Because this is a regular occurrence it is especially upsetting to both myself and the kids and can cause long term damage. I cannot facilitate that going forward. After careful consideration I have decided that it would be best for us and the children to have all communication between you and I through email only. I will no longer verbally communicate with you for discussions about our children on the phone, or in person. Of course if there is an emergency situation I am always available at 212 555 1234 and you can be assured that I too will reach out via telephone should something of an emergency nature come up while our children are in my care.
all the best
Birth Father name here
Just for the record he
Just for the record he laughed because at this point it's so assnine that he doesn't really know what more to say to her. His laugh isn't a HA HA HA HA laugh it's more of a "are you serious laugh"
We have been trying to communicate via email but she goes off in those too. Five page long emails about what a terrible person he is. Those get old......... and to be honest they can be hard to read over an over and over again. She may be crazy but it is still hurtful to him. I am going to print this off and let him read your thoughts on the email. I think it will only fuel her to send us back an email that is another 5 pages long and full of crap but I think it gets the point across to her. Thank you.
After hearing SD17 say those awful things my DH has been so sad. I don't know how it feels to have your own kids say those things to you. And I imagine it is a horrible draining feeling.
Judges LOVE that kind of
Judges LOVE that kind of stuff. And, who says you have to read them? If you want to get her out of your life, IGNORE her.
I am sorry that you are going through this... my DH cries himself to sleep each and every night because of the BM and how she is abusing her power with the skid... I am so sorry for you.
AWWW I am sorry for your DH
AWWW I am sorry for your DH too. Mine cries when we go to bed then through out the day on his route he cries. He went from having them pretty much full time to next to nothing when she took off. I get sad when my son goes to his dads for just a week. I can't even imagine how it must feel to not see your children for weeks on end.
Sad thing is in this world we live in ALL of our DH's are being punished because of the deadbeat ones..... and it is sad that all are treated with the same answers. NOT all fathers are loosers. Some fathers just want to see their children. Be a part of their lives. And as a mom who feels like life would stop if she lost her kids like that I don't know how he functions every day.... knowing this woman is poisoning the kids and he has NO control. Sad..... I pray the courts hear his plea.
Quit playing her game and
Quit playing her game and force her to play yours. Every time the kids do not arrive for visitation ...... file a contempt charge against her.
Every time the SKids or BM ask for money to go in to BM's account show them teh CS order and tell them all that DH puts money in eacn and every month per the CS order. When the kids whine that "they" have no money when at BMs house tell the the facts and the truth. "CS is paid on time and in full every month. Your mom does not manage her money well and she does not work to help provide for you. We work hard to be able to pay CS and to provide you with a safe place to live and good food when you visit. Your mother needs to do the same. Please have this conversation with your mother and not with me."
There is nothing like facts and the truth to counter PAS crap from the blended family oppostition. So use facts to get them to STFU.
Have fun while you do it too.
Good luck.
Check your state's laws on
Check your state's laws on recording conversations (Google). If it is legal in your state to record conversations without the other party's knowledge, then you need to start recording every phone call from BM NOW.
^^^^^^^ This ^^^^^^^^ It is
^^^^^^^ This ^^^^^^^^
It is legal to reoord you own conversations without the other parties knowledge in Texas. We have hours of recorded conversations we made while we lived in Texas of calls from the SpermClan in Oregon. It is a great tool for beating the blended family opposition about the head and shuulders when they get stupid. There is nothing like the shock on their toothless moron faces when they say in court that they never said something you indicate they said when you pull out a micro recorder and offer to play the recording for the judge. }:) }:)