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SD graduation......

buterfly_2011's picture

I don't want to go. I don't give a crap is she graduates. DH thinks it will show her and her mom that they have won if I do not attend.

Any thoughts?

RedWingsFan's picture

I wouldn't go. IF and that's a big IF, my SD14 ever graduates, I'm not going. All I am going to do is throw a party that she's 19 and fucking child support/visitation is OVER!

Who cares what she and her mom think of you? Hell, I don't give a rat's ass what they think of me!

hereiam's picture

Won what, exactly?

If you really don't want to go, don't go. Why would you (or your DH) care what they think? If your DH wants you to go with him, he should just say that.

My SD did not graduate but if she had and my husband wanted me to go with him, I would have. For him.

Disneyfan's picture

Don't go. If SD and BM don't want you there, they will just treat you like shit if you show up.

As far as the they win crap, tell DH your life isn't a game so there are no winners or losers.

buterfly_2011's picture

I don't want to go. It is not fun for me. DH walks on eggshells. I get treated like crap. The party is at BM house. I know of course he would want to go it's his daughter. But I just feel like why should I endure this? What has he done for ME............. I can see supporting him and being there for him but his mother and father will be there. I feel like an ass for not going and standing by his side. BUT then again we are talking about a man who proposed three years ago tomorrow... but yet we can't tell anybody or get married yet because SD17 will kill herself......... PLEASE! So I just feel like it would be a waste of my weekend. I am put through enough without putting myself into the situation.
I could care less what they think. I already know what they think. I have changed and have turned into an angry bitter person because of all their drama. I just wnat to be me again. Going to her graduatioin will only fuel my desire to be a bitch........ and I just want to be happy again.

StickAFork's picture

I didn't attend SD's graduation with DH. There was a whole back-and-forth prior to the day, with assigned tickets and all, and then tickets were no longer needed. (Gotta love it, enough kids weren't going to graduate so that the numbers were no longer an issue.)
I didn't want to go. DH said he wouldn't go since SD said I wasn't "invited." I told him he needed to be there. He went alone.
The world continued to spin.

Anon2009's picture

I think you should do what you want.

Me personally, I'm not going anywhere I'm not wanted if I don't have to.

hereiam's picture

Oh, hell no, I wouldn't go. He won't even announce your engagement? No, he'd get no support from me. And he has the nerve to tell you that they win by you not going?

So many things wrong with this situation.

Orange County Ca's picture

It's 100%. Don't go if you're going to be made uncomfortable by the ex and/or daughter.

Soon it will be a good day to ask her where she and her Dad are going to meet now that home visitation will be over in a few months. (Insuinating that obviously it won't be under your roof).

oldone's picture

Well if you go you should tap on a glass to get everyone's attention like you want to toast the daughter - but instead you will announce your engagement. }:)

I wouldn't go. I won't go to any graduation unless it is mandatory. I was the graduation speaker at my undergrad college (25 years after I graduated) and I think I bored myself.

seesaw208's picture

I went to my SD high school graduation it was horrible none of the skids spoke to me then we went out on the field to see her and she had a plan ready she had her family get on all sides of her as to protect her from me. They took pictures and pushed me out of the way so I just went home luckly I had my own car. I never went to another function after that.

Please don't go I cried all the way home while driving she calls me and tells me she is sorry.

2Tired4Drama's picture

I went to both my SS and SD high school & college graduations. I really didn't want to go as I the skids and are not "connected" in any way. Not hostile either but just an overall ambivalence. If any of us dropped off the planet, it wouldn't have much impact to one another.

But my decision was based on this: I know it was very important to my SO that I be there with, and for, him. He was really glad I was there to share these important milestones with him and sit beside him - he squeezed my hand a few times so I know it was also emotional for him.

On the skids side, though they may not realize it, my presence was valuable. My SO is a horrible photographer and their dipshit mother forgot the camera for all but one of the ceremonies.

So being a good photographer, I was more than happy to take photos of them all together (including with grandparents) and I had no heartburn whatsoever about not being included. Someday, their kids or grandkids will look at those photos and will be happy to have them - and this family history wouldn't be possible without me. Of course, my SO has these great photos I took of him with his kids and parents on Graduation day in his office, too.

I take some comfort in that - in the grand scheme of things I had value at these events whether they realize it or not.

jumanji's picture

When our son graduated, my ex and his wife came. They hung back while we had pix of our son, daughter, me, my parents taken. Then we said our goodbyes, and Dad/wife did their pix, and took the kids out for dinner. We did our celebration the following day. Given the relationships, it was as good as it was going to get.

Neither of them came to our daughter's graduation. Their choice.