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DH stood up for my to his sister - she is always interfering in everything

darken96's picture

SIL made a comment to a post I put on my daughter's facebook when I tried to explain what the post meant (she was WAY OFF base on it), she got mean and very personal. I took it private and asked what was up because I was clueless. She just got even more snide. I elt Dh read it all. So he called her and she called back a day later. It got VERY ugly, very quickly as she called me a cold hearted b!&*^!!! DH got very upset with that and told her he was going to drive up and they would talk about it face to face. She quicly backpedaled. He asked her to explain herself repeatedly. She kept changing the subject. he kept puttin her back on track. to sum it all up:

SIL said that SS told her that we never did ANYTHING for him and he lived under gestapo rule. When asked to explain she said SS told her we NEVER went to his band gigs or did anything. DH stated she was at ONE of the band gigs that we were at and that we had been to every one of them until he moved out. SIL has personally caught SS in lies he was telling as she was present when the exact opposite happened. DH reminded her of these events. Dh ahs asked SIL to not interfere with his relationship with his kids because she supposedly always tells them they need to call their dad, etc. etc. Well DH told her to stop it. So she told SS that his dad wants NOTHING to do with him. DH said he never said that. She said well that is what you meant!!! SIL said she is done with SD now though.

SIL said we live next door to their parents and we NEVER invite them to our family functions. Which DH told her you know that is also not true as you ALL have been invited to every family function and NEVER attend because they all have an excuse. The only family that does come is my side of the family. They have been invited every year for the past 8 years to Christmas dinner. Before last year when they had their own, his family would come and grab and plate of food and take it next door to eat. And their mom has not ever come so they make her a plate and take it to her. They also come over and get themselves an alcohol drink too. they have never contributed to anything for Christmas.

SIL said DH's other sister is upset because when we were out of town over father's day weekend, she had come over and tried to give our OD some leftover food. But she tried the door and it was locked and she knocked but OD did not answer. When DH said that OD was not even home that day, SIL said he was lying because there was A car here. HELLO, we have FIVE cars. Od was with her friend shopping that day is the truth though. We had talked to her earlier in the day because she was asking DH's size. SIl doesn't believe him.

SIL is also upset because our dogs are NEVER fed or watered. DH told her we feed them in the evening and they have THREE water tubs around our house. But no they are always hungry! Dh told her they always act hungry but if you look at their food bowls, 90% of the time there is food in it. He said he doesn't even know how that is a concern of hers because it isn't like she is ever here.

SIL also said we should visit every day because we live next door. He told her we both work full time on the railroad, we have a teenage daughter who is in school and in involved with sports and volunteering, and we are busy as well. She said that doesn't matter because we are right there! BUT, she can only visit every other week because she has a 9-4 job, five days a week, a house to keep up on and a husband. In Dh's defense, he sees his dad every day! his dad comes to the fence all the time. On the other hand, his mom he only sees once or twice a week because he has to go sit there. He said she just nags and complains the whole time.

So DH gets off the phone because she hangs up and he is shaking and so angry. he told me he doesn't think we will even be mnaking an attempt to attend his parents anniversary dinner. he is tired of his family's crap. And that he still supports my decision to not go visit his mom because of the hateful things she has been saying to me.

darken96's picture

Yep!!!

darken96's picture

Yep, I read your posts. And I thought "wow it isn't only DH and I". I am sorry you are going through it too. I often feel guilty because I feel like DH's family is only like this because of me but really they were always like this!

hereiam's picture

We have little contact with my husband's sisters. They are all about drama. My husband likes to say, "I love my family......from afar."

darken96's picture

Dh said he doesn't think he will have any contact with either sister after their parents aren't with us anymore. Very sad I think but I get why!

darken96's picture

What I don't understand is we don't really see SIL that often at all. She has only started contacting ss when he moved out. Now she feels it is her duty to make sure he is taken care of.

Orange County Ca's picture

Sometimes you got to divorce your family. The dynamics are such that they're just always pulling each other down and like a drowning pool they'll all figuratively die before any one of them can save the bunch.

Better to let go and let them sink which is what I think your husband is ready to do.

darken96's picture

I think I just feel guilty. I know this is the relationship we have with DH's family. His parents are just as bad as SIL. They have always only cared about skids and not our two girls. Everything revolves around skids.

I know this will be my inlaws 55th wedding anniversary and my BIL will be there (he lives several states away) and he is bringing his Daughter, son-in-law and their two kids. I would love to see the kids but honestly I think we should make a trip to see all of them. DH's family is soooo screwed up and I don't want to be around SIL either. I will not attend family functions she is at.

She has been asked repeatedly to BUTT OUT but doesn't. She doesn't even have kids so she has no clue what it means to be a parent. She thinks we should just keep enabling skids. We stopped!

hereiam's picture

Don't feel guilty, you are not responsible for how these people are acting. You are not responsible for this family's dysfunction, for how they feel, or what they choose to believe.

AVR1962's picture

Your SIL and the troubles you have dealt with concerning her involvement are very much what I dealt with for YEARS. I sympathize and understand. My husband NEVER stood up to her, always let her do whatever saying that,"that's just my sister." She too would get things all screwed around, think I wasn't treating her nephews properly, always acting the lead of the whole family and being defensive of what I think she felt was hers. It turned out that she took sides, my girls against the boys, pushed the whole situation in my face.

Never have I told her off. I always felt that it would cause more damage than good but nothing was heding the right direction the way it was, husband was an absolute worm.

After 20 years of marriage husband and I ended up in counseling, marriag on the rocks, I had enough of his passive-aggressive behavior and being blamed for things I should not have been blamed for. Counselor told me that husbabnd was passive-aggressive and she has been working with him one-on-one. SIL catched wind of what is going on and tells husband, "if anyone is passive-aggressive it is your wife." I wanted to strangle her but instead I removed her from my FaceBook page after husband told me what was said. I have no doubt she will realize he said something to me. I ahve her blocked so she can't find me. That was it for me. If husband has no ability to stand hius ground with his sister I ahve no choice but to completely disconnect.

I am glad your husband actually told his sister to stop and I hope he stands his ground.