Are these overnight outings?

Really, I think it's a good thing if parents can be together with their kids. I think if your relationship was serious, it would be time to include you.
I never understood why when a relationship ends, the parties are supposed to "hate" each other...or treat the other like they have the plague. :?

It's a rare child that has parents who have divorced yet can function together for the kid. Leave it alone. Don't be the ego that causes the problems.

Yes, that is not appropiate. Even more so when both have remarried. That is just tacky to new spouses and a good way to yet go through another divorce. IF they wanted to play "public family", as I call it, they should have stayed together and not divorced in the first place.

Major events are the exception to the rule though like, marriages, funerals, graduations, etc.

What that looks like is polygamy, IMHO

While a marriage is between a husband & wife, children also need to be able to find closure when a marrige ends. With the 3 of them hanging out like a married couple makes it difficult for a child to accept that the marriage is over.

The divorce helps bring closure for the adults because they've had the opportunity & the time to move on emotionally. The child doesn't get that opportunity & time if they're still experiencing life as one family.

The fact that now mom is in a relationship with you & EXCLUDING you to go hang out with dad, teaches the child that it's appropriate to exlude you.

Children need to feel secure in knowing that mom & dad will ALWAYS be mom & dad, but it needs to be understood that mom & dad are separate people with separate lives...both lives including her. She needs to experience that separation to be able to find closure & move forward.

You should be invited too,, divorced mommie and daddy should stop pick-nicking like theres nothing wrong.. Talk about sending mixed signals to a child..

I totally agree.....I would throw an absolute fit if my DH wanted to hang out with his ex! That is wrong, wrong, wrong!

I definitely do not think this is appropriate. It gives the kids the impression they are all one big happy family when they are not. Kids should understand the reality of the situation and not live in a fantasy world.

Absolutely not. They are no longer a family and the child/children will continue to believe they are if this type of behavior continues. That is emotional abuse to the child because it is lying to the child who isn't old enough to have the ability to reason or understand adult relationships. That behavior is enmeshment, plain and simple. Your girlfriend needs to sit down with the daugher and explain in a way that a five year old understands, that she and the child's father are no longer a family but that the daughter and the mother is a family and the daughter and the father is another family. If your girlfriend isn't willing to do this then you need to move on and get away from her because she is not someone who cares for you or for your feelings, nor does she care about her daughter's emotional well being.

You sound like you are moving out of the denial stage, actually.
"I really don't think I can tolerate it."
Yes, you must be moving out of denial or else you wouldn't even be having those types of thoughts. Sadly for you, it's apparent that going places as a "family" is more important to your girlfriend than you are to her. I sympathize with you. Back when my husband and I were dating I had to face the same situation. We had been dating three months when he told me over the phone that he would be spending Mother's Day with his ex-wife (divorced two years at the time) and their three kids. I layed down the line at that time. I told him, "Either you bring me with you or you don't go. You are not part of that family and those kids will always have the hope that you will be going back to your ex and you all will be one happy family again if you continue to spend holidays with them as a family." He made a choice, and truthfully, all of them have hated me ever since. We have been married 11 years and let me tell you, it has been one drama event after another and one hidden agenda sabotage event after another still to this day and those kids are now adults! Good thinking, kurlos, you are on the track to taking good care of yourself.

I agree with Serena. We have had occasions when NPD BM manipulated the situation so that she could be included on birthday outings for my younger SD, who is now 15. The last time she did this was 2 years ago - she turned up at the railway station where the kids were all meeting my DH and DH was too embarassed to turn her away. I didn't go of course, as I am disengaged - and my DH was too scared to tell me NPD BM had gone along. I found out several weeks later at the dinner table courtesy of SD17. I told him i was not amused and this better not happen again.

I actually think there is something going on between the two of them. There is no other reason they would be doing family things if there was no emotion between them. Maybe it is not sexual at this point but they are still emotionally connected. I think it would be best for you to withdrawl yourself from this relationship as it seems your girlfriend still questions her divorce.

When I was going through a divorce I had to attend one of those divorce classes. One of the lessons I took away from that class is once you’re a family you’re always a family. I tend to agree with that idea. I’ve been divorced for over a year now and while the time I spend with my ex-wife and children falls under “occasional” I think it’s important for both children to see their parents getting along and spending time with them.

Have you ever been married? If not, I can understand why you may feel this way. I think over the past year or so I’ve gone out with my ex-wife and kids to dinner about 10 times and have spent a couple of holiday days with them not including birthdays. Over the course of the year that’s not a lot but that is how we choose to maintain our relationship for the sake of the children. The way you stated your “have her cake” comment it sounds like you are jealous. If you are jealous of and don’t trust your girlfriend there is a completely separate issue at hand. My girlfriend understands there will be times that I spend with my ex-wife and children and she also understands there is nothing for her to worry about as that door is closed in terms of my relationship with my ex.

This "once a family, always a family" stuff is nonsense. Divorce is the break up of a marriage and the marriage is the foundation of the family. Once a divorce takes place, that family unit is gone, especially if they move on to new marriages. In this case, you are the boyfriend and your girlfriend is still playing family with her ex-husband. I would suggest breaking up with her and encouraging her to reconcile with her ex. It sounds like that's what they really want. And ultimately, if they are able to work it out, that is what is best for their child. Your girlfriend probably does want to have her cake and eat it too, but she needs to make a decision and stick with it. Otherwise, as other posters have pointed out, it is very confusing for the child, and it's downright disrespectful to you if you are in fact in a serious relationship. You definitely would not want to marry someone who is playing family with another man.

It sounds like they are postponing the child getting over their breakup. Imagine how the poor child gets its hopes up each time they are together and then having her/his heart broken when they all go their separate ways! This is cruel.

I wouldn't be comfortable with the situation and was in a similar one a few backs. Needless to say we only lasted 6 weeks and the relationship never progressed!

Keep your options open..