Am I overreacting? Her Ex-Husband.......
So,
I have been dating someone for about 18 months.
Until recently, I've stayed out of the realtionship with her Ex-Husband. As I have expalined to people in the past, they co-parent well and although it's clear there is a reason they are divorced, I keep out of it.
However, there is a problem with boundaries and I've been hurt in the past but keep my mouth shut.
Example one: Last Christmas, MY GF loves the Christmas Holdiays and getting the tree is a big thing. We make plans to go tree shopping and set up the tree the first weekend after Thanksgiving. Her daughter, 12 years old, completely opposes this and says it's too early. So we postpone tree shopping. On the Sunday of that weekend, a day I was working, plans change and my GF, her ex and the daughter go tree shopping and have dinner together while the daughter decorates the tree.
Example 2. Last week, I am having dinner with my GF and her daughter. The ex make an excuse to come drop off the daughters dog and then proceeds to rant and rave, in front of her daughter, about his not being able to spend time with his daughter because I am there. I keep my mouth shut and do not go out and confront him as I know I will blow my lid and change everone's opinion.
Fast forward to yesterday/today. My GF is taking her daughetr to Disney for the weekend. I was informed yesterday that the daughter does not want me taking the two of them to the airport, because the father will be upset. The solution? Her Ex husband drove the two of them to the airport. This is at the insistance of her daughter, begging to have her Dad bring them just like their last vacation (Several years ago).
I consider this to be unbelievably disrepectful, voice my opinion that a happy medium would have been to call an Uber and at least show me some respect.
BTW, Dad is a complete loser. We ended up having to retag all of the Christmas presents that "Santa" brought last year as his account had been seized two weeks before Christmas. Something to do with forging a check on his parents business.... But at 12, the sun still rises and sets on her opinion of her father.
I think I may be done. This is BS.
Thoughts?
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Comments
Honey, your GF has a partner.
Honey, your GF has a partner. You are not it. And this will not get better. They might not be "together" but her life is not available to anyone else if she puts up with this nonsense.
Get out now
Paul, this won’t change. It is a precursor of your future with this woman. I obviously don’t know her but this has all the markings of someone using you to get hubby back.
take a pull
It could change
but you have to open your mouth and say something. She is taking your silence to mean you're ok with everything. But, if you feel like its not worth the hassle, then you should definitely get out of the relationship
I think I may be done...
You are thinking in the right direction. The daughter calls the shots on how she wants it to be with mommy and daddy. Your GF goes a long with this. Why? Because she wants to. Why is she even dating you? She has not moved on from this first family. The Christmas tree was a total slap in the face, and because you didnt react, your GF is smiling like a cheshire cat. The driving to the airport is ridiculous. You have a total entitled SD, enabled by her parents. You will never have a say. It will go on and on.
Maybe you should have an ex gf drive you to the airport, or pick out christmas trees, because thats the way it used to be. Surely your GF would understand
You seem like a stand up, reasonable man. If I were you I would leave. She is using you for her own agenda. Just my thoughts
Good luck
It's just amazing to me that
It's just amazing to me that parents can act like a couple with the ex under the guise of "oh, it's for the kid". I almost left DH over that crap. Yes, he still kisses BM's ass most days, but I'll be damned if they're picking out Xmas trees together or DH is taking them to the airport.
Paul please don't take this
Paul please don't take this the wrong way but you are a pushover and your girlfriend knows it. And by the way who is the parent here, the mother or the 12 year old daughter. The 12 year old seems to be making some decisions that the mother should be making. What parent lets the child tell her when to buy and decorate a christmas tree. Or who should drive her to the airport.The 12 years old girl should be happy she is getting a christmas tree and happy to go to the airport so she can go on a vacation. But instead she takes all that for granted and calls the shots. And her mother lets her. Paul this is never going to change. If you stay you will be fighting a losing battle. Your girlfriend doesn't even take your feelings into consideration. And the ex is way to involved with GF and his daughter. It is nice to be cordial to an ex but this is something more.IMO If she had strong feelings for you and wanted a future she would never allow these things to happen. Instead you feel hurt and are left wondering how much more you can take. This is not a healthy relationship and you deserve better.
Nothing the daughter is doing
Nothing the daughter is doing is unusual. She loves her dad and wants to spend time with him. She likes spending time with him and her mother, just like old times. The problem isn't the daughter, it's your girlfriend and her lack of boundaries with her ex. If you've expressed your displeasure with the situation and nothing has changed, then I can't imagine it's going to get anything but worse. Time to move on.
You have correctly sniffed
You have correctly sniffed out the issue and correctly identified it as BS. And, the good news is, you wisely did it before you married her!