What can i really do?
My SO has had 3 years to raise his son. I'm just coming into the picture. I'm the only woman this 3 year old has called mom. But What can i do or say to his father for his to see that i should be the equal parent. not just the step mother? he lets our 3 yr old cuss as long as its in context. and he lets him get away with a lot that i don't believe. At night or nap time i think the tv should be off b/c he just plays, but daddy doesn't think so. How can i make him see i'm an equal parent? What would you do or say?
I've been a mother a (STEP MOTHER) for a month. and he lets me discipline when the boy does something wrong to me. but thats it.
Plus how can we show each other love during the day when we have a child that needs more attention than any other child (his mother i believe was on drugs when pregnant so he has behavioral problems)
His dad wants me to show him i love him more during the day b/c i usually only do it at night when our child is in bed. I mean even a kiss is hard to give when a child wants the same. our son is trying to french kiss us now b/c he sees us doing that so i stopped doing that in front of him.
How does one make it easier on themselves?
I don't want to change him.
I don't want to change him. I've loved Travis for 8 years. But how he is raising our child is sometimes too much. Like yesterday we were fighting over something dumb (i'm bipolar i flip over dumb things then forget why in the first place) and he was taking his anger out on our son. I don't want to change him i just want him to see that i need to be an equal.
I agree, if you have only
I agree, if you have only been in the picture for a month you are not 'mom'. But I get the idea that your b/friend wants his son to have a cookie cutter family. He wants an extra pair of hands to help out with the child.
Also you are not the boy's mother and he isn't 'our' child. He is your b/friends son.
If there are more cons as opposed to pros in this relationship then you need to walk away. Love is not all there is. I have had people in my life I have loved yet there are dealbreakers that I had to walk away from. And allowing a little boy to cuss 'in context' is totally a dealbreaker if he is unwilling to change his ways. If the things he does contradict your values, you walk away.
No woman ever won a 'prize' by compromising herself and her values just to stay in a go-nowhre relationship.
You just started dating.
You just started dating.
You aren't on equal footing as a parent. You are not the parent. To be honest, I think dad is crazy for introducing his son to a woman he has only dated for a month.
Hold off on getting married
Hold off on getting married at least a few years. Being a SM is really challenging don't mean to scare you but my fear for you is you marrying him. Im hearing behavioral issues on the fathers behalf sadly speaking. Seems rather soon for you to be playing the mother role & he is not ready for any woman to parent his child. That's like wanting it both ways??
I don't question your love for him or his love for you. On the other hand, love can be blinding in many ways. My suggestion to you, read several posts put up by step parents here. We are rather blunt, honest the way we see it as outsiders, seek help, & give advice the way we believe we would do it if in their situation. Would like to know the ages of you & your boyfriend?
After being with my past loves, I have learned to be selfish before caring for anyone else.
Your partner is lucky that
Your partner is lucky that you are willing to take on that role, remember its your home too and if this kids behavior effects you then its your business too, I had to threaten to leave for things to change, you've only been there a month so you need to discuss your role and how it will change with time, if its not going to change then you need to re think your position, it is upsetting and annoying to see a little child acting this way, try not to resent the child, its his Dad's fault, good luck honey.
Your partner is lucky that
Your partner is lucky that you are willing to take on that role, remember its your home too and if this kids behavior effects you then its your business too, I had to threaten to leave for things to change, you've only been there a month so you need to discuss your role and how it will change with time, if its not going to change then you need to re think your position, it is upsetting and annoying to see a little child acting this way, try not to resent the child, its his Dad's fault, good luck honey.