Monitoring computer usage.
This post is inspired b another thread.
As my SD got older, we started noticing some pretty interesting things being searched for on the Internet. At first, it started with normal stuff on YouTube, but the related videos took her on a trail of anti-government, suicide bombers and how America is the worst country ever. She was about 10 years old at the time.
I walked into my office and she jumped up really quick and acted like she ain't doing anything. I told her to go help her mother with the dishes and I searched the history.
We sat her down and asked why she was looking at that kind of stuff and if she knew what it was. She denied it at first but ended up telling us that she was curious because she had never seen anything like it before. We told her that if she is ever curious about something she isn't sure about to come ask us because she deserves a better explanation of things than what she might otherwise believe as true.
We never had a problem since, until a few months ago. She is now about to be 14 and is taking on the teenager attitude. I busted her posting some things online about how she was mad at her mom, calling her a bitch because she was asked to do something she didn't want to do. I gave her a quick reality check, letting her know that we monitor EVERYTHING on the network here at my house. I am a software engineer and have things setup a certain way because of my business. She again tried to deny it but I showed her how easy it was for me to find thins she has been doing on the computer, whether it's email, searching, downloading, chatting... You name it.
I asked her why she said those things and whether or not she knew what a bitch is. She said, "yes, it's a female dog." I asked if her mom looks like a 4 legged animal that walks around and drink from a water bowl. Thankfully she said she didn't think that - haha! Anyway, I talked with her about how her mother didn't deserve to be disrespected like that. Her privileges were taken away until she can step up, tell her mother what happened and apologize. This actually took almost 4 months for her to do!
We have lightened up a little recently because she is getting older and we don't want to be overbearing...but at least now, she is fully aware of the consequences. She is allowed to have memberships to certain websites but does not use her real name and has specific email addresses she uses.
Some people don't agree with how we have monitored things but during the divorce and child custody battle, there were some very important emails that we were able to use. Many of which came from the BDs mother, telling my SD to lie to us, keep things from us and trying to convince her that we were not good Christian people. In act, there were times where grandma would tell her that I'm a horrible person and need parenting classes. Seriously?
At the end of the day, the steps we have taken to filter and monitor things on our computers has worked out very well for us. Occasionally we set time limits on the computers as well so that they don't geek out all day, every day. The social worker who was involved in our case actually praised us for doing this and wished more parents did the same thing.
What started it for us was at one point, Google images search results for "hangers" we're a pair of breasts.
What are your thoughts on monitoring/tracking computer usage?
I had a heck of a time with
I had a heck of a time with this with SD15. I’m ok with computers, but I’m not an expert in how they work. It sounds like you won’t have this problem, but it’s a real issue when you’re dealing with a kid who knows more about computer than you do.
I had Net Nanny software on our home computer, mainly for my pre-teen DS to prevent him from being too curious online and finding images he shouldn’t see.
When SD15 (then 14) came to live with us, we started taking away internet privileges when she was failing in school, but she found ways to disable the Net Nanny software. We found out she was doing this and it is very simple for anyone to turn those types of software off apparently. We installed more sophisticated software, but SD15‘s half-brother sent her instructions on how to hack it. I don’t trust what she did to our computer after that.
I don’t trust all these computer solutions. Put the computer in a common area and watch them like a hawk while they’re on the computer. Take the power cord out if necessary to prevent them from using it while you’re not around if necessary.
One thing that we have found
One thing that we have found to help is talking openly about our concerns with content on the Internet. My SD mostly uses YouTube to listen to music. She is a very good artist and uses the computer to do most of her drawings - I bought her a Wacom tablet for this. She knows how to clear the cache, but she doesn't now because she knows that I'm still able to know what's going on.
It was hard to trust that she'll do the right thing, but there comes a point where if they really want to do something, they will. That is why we believe it is very important to have those talks, even if uncomfortable.
The more restrictions (telling her NO) that we started to focus on ended up causing her to want to do it more; such as listening to certain music. One day I heard her listening to some songs that I actually know very well. The lyrics are sooooo messed up, but as an adult, I understand that it's just music. I talked with her about it and she told me, "I know it's just a song. You won't find me stuffing bodies in trunks and going on a rampage!" ha ha - yes, I found it amusing.
Oh the good 'ol teenage years.
With SD15, it wasn’t an issue
With SD15, it wasn’t an issue of her doing things on the internet we didn’t approve of, but using internet privileges as a reward/consequence. I couldn’t care less who she talks to on the internet or what she watches or sees. She’s not my kid and it’s not my problem. Emailing and communicating with her half-siblings on Facebook is one of the only things that matters to her, so it was something that could be taken away and used a a consequence when she was failing in school and being a disrespectful brat towards me and bullying my son. But instead of doing what was necessary to get her internet privileges back, she had her half-brother help her hack our computer.
My DH actually had me turn
My DH actually had me turn the internet off on the kids computer and if SD15 needs to use it, I will turn it on for school projects only. SD is very angry about this but he does not trust that she will make the right decision in a situation if someone convinces her to meet somewhere or something like that. We also caught her and her friends posting videos of themselves on youtube wearing barely anything running around singing and dancing. I also blocked most of the websites so when I do turn on the internet for her she can't do much with it.