Monitoring skids online, what do you do?
I've been searching and searching steptalk to find a recent post where someone had responded with info about a program they use at home with kids or skids. They had posted a link and had talked about how you can also monitor them real time and from other computers. I can't find that post:(
If that was you or if you remember that post can anyone direct me to it?
We've had enough in our home. Seriously. Nothing works. We use parental controls, time limits that shut the computer off automatically, blocking websites, etc.
SD16 is a junior. With so much of her homework being online, she'll visit facebook and all her other sites under the guise of "doing homework" and to being at the computer for excessive amounts of time.
We monitor WHILE she is doing it, when we are home....will make her pull up any tabs, check chats, etc.
It still happens, we know it...when we walk away.
So we've reached our limit tonight. Wednesday nights both DH and I work until about 9PM. Similar situations happen almost every Wednesday. SD16 gets one hour of free time after school on the computer, then everyone (SS13 too) starts homework at 4:30PM and we monitor the work which is a royal PITA (and that we can't trust them).
I come home from work this afternoon to make sure they are getting started (SS13 has major issues, ADHD, and needs help/monitoring with written work also). I leave the house tonight at 6:15PM to go back to work. SD tells me she doesn't have that much homework. I tell her that she better not still be on the computer when DH gets home between 8:30-9PM.
Sure enough, she was. DH got home at 8:30, I got home at 9PM. I ask her why she is still on the computer when she was supposed to be off by the time dad gets home. She says "I guess it just didn't work out that way." I tell her to hop off the computer (I was going to look at her history). She had just started a timed quiz online. I let her finish. Then check her history and call her back to the computer to show her PROOF. I ask her what the hour and half was that shows all the other sites and none of her online work (her homework involved searching job postings). There was nothing until DH got home when he got on her about homework and supposed to be off.
She does this crap ALL the time. This is the first time I made her look at the history with me so she can see it and try and explain herself. I told her that's it, we are installing monitoring software on the computer and that we've had enough of this as it happens repeatedly. In her snottiest 16 year alien way she says "ok" several times to what I'm telling her.
She uses homework as an excuse to get more "free" time on the computer. She seriously has an addiction.
We have tried everything except a monitoring program. Once in a fit of rage over being kicked off a chat while doing homework, she told me "fine, if I can't do my homework that's YOUR problem, not MINE." I said I don't think so sweetheart. She didn't seem to grasp that CHATTING doesn't equate to DOING homework. If her grades fall below a C she looses her cell phone, so it WILL be her problem since she has an umbilical cord to the damn thing.
To top.it.off. I had a conversation with SS13 about finish his other homework assignment that he was just starting when I left the house. Told him DH and I will check it when we get home and it must be finished.
Sure enough, it wasn't done. He told DH that he tried but couldn't find the answers (had to read and answer questions). DH looked it over and said the answers were all there (in the book).
I also question SS13 since it was a conversation he and I had and he tells me the same song and dance. And as I suspected, he just *thought* he could do it during his tutor session tomorrow. So he has started using the tutor we pay for once a week as an excuse to not complete all of his homework and it's becoming more frequent....he's starting to just put it off until tutor. I don't think so. We enlisted the help of a tutor as a result of two evenings that we work later and he wasn't getting anything done.
I told him he will not be working on it with the tutor tomorrow, but he will be doing his other homework assigned tomorrow and will have to come home and work on the assignment he didn't finish tonite. The assignment isn't due until Friday. So he'll have a longer evening of homework (ugh and so will we trying to help him...he does have reading comprehension issues, but I know he didn't even try in this case).
I then proceed to check HIS internet history. Sure enough. Lied straight to my face. He was on the computer nearly the entire time (his homework was not on the computer).
Partly my fault, he was password protected so he couldn't get online, and I change the password frequently, but I gave him the password a few days ago so he could get on while I was home (I was busy) and intended to change it to something he didn't know and didn't realize it until tonight. I forgot to change the password. But come on now, still? He knows why we do that (exactly what he did tonight - the last time he was busted looking at online porn).
I was so pissed. Steam coming out of my ears. I mean ready to scream.at.the.top.of.my.lungs. But, amazingly, I talked to them both calmly and they have NO IDEA the consequences they are going to face (cell phone grounding, etc. on their homework FREE day - Friday). I have so had enough of this crap and so has DH. DH is trying to come up with an equal punishment for both of them but we are not telling them about it just yet.
Anyone willing to share what you do in your home? Does many other people have similar problems or is it just them and what we are doing? Is it really this difficult?
Haha...DH made me laugh though...he said "I think it's time they are cut off from the computer titty."
LOL...still makes me laugh, DH never says stuff like that which makes it more funny.
But still we can't really do that because over half of their homework is freaking online.
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My kids have no homework
My kids have no homework online. So I don't understand this "half of their homework is online" thing.
Is there any other more painfully tedious way they could be forced to glean this information? Maybe check a book out at the school library? To do the homework with, I mean?
What happens if you tell their teacher they are simply not allowed to use the computer at home because they are liars?
I tell you one thing, I'd snatch that crap out from under them right damn now. That lying would make me crazy, especially the calculated lying right to my face, then the shitty attitude when busted. That's pretty much a "lose all privelages and trust" offense.
You know what it might be time for? It's harsh, but take away every privelage they have, and make them earn them back slowly one by one with behavior befitting a human being that lives in somebody else's home per someone else's graces. I mean every thing. No make-up. No cell phone. No screen time. No landline phone. Nothing that you aren't required by law to provide. And they earn it back one piece at a time. A long time. *insert evil laughter here*.
Ooh...I like you. Seriously
Ooh...I like you. Seriously lol. I think it is at that point of loosing all privileges.
I don't get it either about all the online homework, but her quiz tonite had to be taken online and submitted via their personal online school webpage. Her other homework was finding 4 online job postings for her potential future career. Haha which will probably be sitting in fro of a computer on fb and chatting since she can't seem to balance that stuff with real world responsibilities.
I know it sounds kind of
I know it sounds kind of harsh, but seriously, you only have to do it one time unless the kid is a total nitwit.
I kept telling my boys to clean that room up, but it was literally disgusting. I mean, I found a Pop Tart wrapper on the floor with the corner of a Pop Tart still inside! Gross!
So I went in with an outdoor trash can and cleaned it myself.
The Pope could eat off the floor in there now.
Unfortunately, in the past, I have also had to take EVERYTHING away from my son, 11. He was basically just whining. Whining and flinging his arms around like a freaking toddler. So I warned him one time. The next time he rolled his eyes and did the big drama sigh, I sent DH in there to take everything. He took the tv, video game systems, board games, legos, toys, cell phone, ipod touch, even his stuffed toys. He left him with his bed and bedding, 5 outfits, and his underwear and pajamas. Books were the only source of entertainment he had for 6 weeks. NO screen time. None.
The best part of this punishment is that the other kids all see it, and it truly puts the fear of whatever God they pray to into them. Whatever that kid did, you bet your butt they won't even think about doing it.
This is a real problem for
This is a real problem for everyone at least temporarily.
My suggestions are:
1). Replace the desktop with a laptop. Do not allow them access to use the laptop until you are home and they are in full view of you. Take it to work with you, and give them access when you get home. Period.
2). Do not believe the hours and hours of homework bs. My SD would say that... have a 1 hr assignment and take 5 hrs to do it... just so she could monitor her facebook. No student has homework that has to be done online all evening. BS. I raised 5 Teenage Daughters... believe me.. I would know.
3). Computer and Online Social Networking is addictive. Kids are living in a vitual world, using their cell phones, texting, and FBook etc.... to manage their social lives. You should discuss their use of these things if they are out of control and over the top. Discuss the addiction possibilities..... and that you are going to help them manage their time better.
4). Ground them only from the things that are preventing them from managing their lives. If its the computer... then ground them from that... if it is the cell phone, then ground them from that.... but don't take everything from them..... Make sure the punishment fits the crime.
5). Yes..as said above...MAKE THEM EARN THEIR PRIVELEGE BACK BY SHOWING CONSISTENT REQUIRED BEHAVIORS.
I guarantee that if you leave the computer to their discretion.... it's like laying a piece of unwrapped candy in front of a child and telling them to sit there and not eat it...do not touch it... and within 15 minutes.... they are eating it.
Good Luck.
If all else fails, take the
If all else fails, take the blasted keyboard and mouse to EVERY computer! They can log-in when you and DH get home from work. It sounds like you might take a "dinner break" to go home and check the SK's...I recommend maybe keeping the keyboard and mouse with you until the break and then give it to them so they can do their online research and have their homework done by the time you and/or DH gets home. If they continue doing social networks, consider deleting them, or blocking the site all together. They need to understand that schoolwork comes first - just like in the "real world", work comes first. Good luck!
They do have all of their own
They do have all of their own accounts. I use the parental controls program and do block fb and other sites from time to time when it's getting out of control and when she has projects due. The problem is also chat. I can't block google because of her gmail which she needs to submit a lot of her assignments online. I recently did block google and changed her homepage to yahoo.
I'll block all of her sites, but she'll still go into google chat because I don't know how, or if you can, block google chat and msn chat. I'm uninstalling msn chat today and I don't think she can reinstall it without my adminstrator password.
Today is another day where I, nor DH can be home until this evening to monitor her. So I'm blocking her sites and fb (which hits her the hardest). She's going to be quite surprised when she comes home to get on the computer for her free time and find them blocked. They are staying blocked for now.
We also use time limits for her, it shuts off on her at automatically every night at the same time.
She uses the laptop, but it is not allowed to be taken any where....sits on the desk in the center command of the household lol. We walk by way too frequently for a 16 year old and have her pull up all her tabs and show us everything. We also know that she will do it in between those checks.
So it's time for a change and she's not gonna like it but I do not care. She's abused it way too many times.
With SS13 I messed up because he knew the password and I forgot to change it. So that's getting changed today, he will not be able to get on the computer on his own. He doesn't have much time homework on the computer yet in 8th grade.
Thanks for the suggested programs...I'm going to look into them asap. I've thought about a keylogger. The recent post I couldn't find listed a link to a website that would allow us to access the info on any computer (I think) and see what they are doing online real time...such as while doing homework.
If I'm understanding how these programs work (or a keylogger) it will also give me all of their passwords to sites. I want to be able to tell them they have lost ALL privacy priveledges on the computer, we can check everything, fb, email, chats.
Chats are a HUGE problem with SD, but we can never view the history of when she is chatting or the content.
It's so frustrating to feel like they are controlling us instead of the other way around with all of this and I have had enough with this computer crap. Apparently nothing we are doing is severe enough because they are not getting it and still manipulate and don't listen.
I've been looking into Web
I've been looking into Web Watcher...a little spendy and had some bad reviews too about additional costs, length of subscription etc.
I think this was the program someone mentioned in a different recent post that caught my eye.
Anyone have experience with this program?
It takes screen shots, keylogger, records all emails, you can view all chats and can do so remotely from any computer. So that's exactly what I'm looking for. $184 for two computers but if it does all that, it would be worth it.