I cannot understand this at all, and as long as I live I don't think I ever will. My husband has two sons 36 and 33 and a 30 year old daughter, now, thankfully they are no longer in our lives thanks completely to the 30 year old daughter, who upon not getting her way, has declared that the two boys not come here either, that of course is all fine by me, and DH seems much calmer since none of them have contacted him in weeks, but that aside, he always did what your DH is currently doing..........completely forgot about his two sons and only focussed on his Princess daughter. I see this as nothing short of cruel and quite inhuman to completely forget your male offspring in favour of your female offspring. I call it emotional incest. I find it disgusting to be honest.
This situation would be continuing in our home today if I had not told DH your daughter by her actions has always made it clear there is no room for the two of us in your life, when she had her baby she got the courage to verbalise that, and has told you if you want to see your grandchild you have to leave your wife. So, I am telling you, I am over this, you need to leave me and go and live with your daughter because I will not give you an ultimatum me or her that is not right she is your daughter, however I am telling you to go because her constantly ringing up and stirring up trouble, guilting you and trying to cause trouble is too much for me I would be happier alone.

Funny how things work out, just when I was ready to let the marriage go and told him so, all of a sudden his Princess Daughter is not so special anymore.

You will live this life until you have had enough of it, then you will have to decide what you want to do,but I can pretty much predict that your DH is more concerned with keeping his 16 year old's adoration than he is with being a father to his sons or a husband to you, so he will not suddenly say to himself, gee this isn't right I must change things, right now all he see is little Princess adores him and he loves it, you on the other hand complain about is Princess. Little Princess is not going to say, gosh my father is giving me all his attention therefore my brothers and his wife are missing out, I must change my behaviour. The only solution will be for you to instigate the changes you would like to see happen in your home. Because if no one does anything, nothing will change.

I would certainly be ringing DH and telling him his sons are in tears over his daughters behaviour and his abrupt departure from the home, and as their father too, he might want to do something about that.
You might remind him that he has three children and abondoning two of them to take care of the needs of one isn't on. But telling him the truth about his daughter will fall on deaf ears. He needs to know his daughter's behaviour is going to have consequenses on HIM. Right now, you suffer, all the other kids suffer, DH and SD get what they want, time out together.

As I said how a parent can do this to their children is beyond my comprehension.

I don't know your history with this girl, but from what you describe in this incident...the girl was not wrong about the dog and needing to catch them in the act. Experts will say this over and over.... Imagine if you had a friend over who said the same thing your SD said. Would you have reacted the same way? It seems that you are holding your breath, just waiting for her to say/do something to piss you off. So she says something you don't agree with and all hell breaks loose. There is too much history and emotions being collected and used when every little thing happens. With our own kids, we forgive them. We don't carry around a bag of transgressions we can throw in their faces when we need/want to. With skids, we do. We don't have that bond, and it's just different. It is different with girls and dads, too, especially when it comes to SM's. As a matter of fact, there are usually more problems between bms and daughters than there are between bm's and sons.

I would have let her leave the room as she did. But you couldn't let her "win" and went looking for a fight. You need to pick your battles.

While the sd might not have been wrong in her advie of catching the dog in the act, she was wrong giving her unsolicited advice. I believe a true friend might have given the same advice, a friend would have choosen a more proper time. If at all. Afterall, it is no ones business how she is punishing/training her dog (short of abusing). While the parent probably wouldnt of had the same reaction to a "friend" her feelings would be the same. The thoughts of, "who the hell are you? This is my house, my dog."
The less respect we feel toward someone, the less we want their unsolicited advice.
While yes i agree about forgivness of our own bios is easier vs. skids, it doesnt change the fact that perhaps sd shouldve kept her comment to herself.

LOL yes indeed, teens and their verbal diarrhea. And yes, i agree they are experts at everything arent they?!
I guess imo, the proper time would be if the person asked, or left an open ended comment to invite a deeper conversation about the matter.
She spanked puppy and said, "ugh, he wont stop havin accidents." Or, "darn it, im so frustrated." Etc...
Thats when i would open the conversation and say, "i heard you have to catch them in the act, blah blah"
Thats just me.
I def agree and feel in this situation and like soo many other times in the step situations that what we are mad at, is not what we are mad about.

I think this is one of those times.

The SSs words are just sad. They know their dad's options are to live with his GF or his mom. Why can't this grown man with 3 kids get his own place?

1. SD doesn't have a say in how I behave in MY house. You had every right to shut her down. My words would have been "SD I'm the adult here, you are not. You don't tell me how to do things with my pet in my house.
2. DH should not have left his boys. You should have called him to come back and get them and while he's at it grab some stuff to stay elsewhere for while.
3. he really should be gone. I'm so disappointed that he left his boys behind while taking his daughter and staying somewhere with her. It shows them they are less important than her.That's his real wife.

I agree that you do not have to be forced to listen to a 16 year old's advice. I do not blame you and am appalled that your DH left his other 2 sons with you? I thought you were so horrible, but you are ok to leave his 2 sons with??

Typical BM/BF think - use you, and refuse to put their children in their place. I would seriously consider dumping them all!!!

so sorry dear, HUGS

Funny how this became all about the dog. Sounds to me if this woman was abusing her dog, then SD would have made no bones about reporting her. Her anguish and reason for posting was not about the dog, but about her husband who sided with his Princess yet again, and took her poor crying little self home to her mummy, while at the same time leaving his two sons upset and confused at home alone with his WIFE. Funny how she is being attacked for her dog training methods, yet a man can walk away from his wife with his 16 year old and take her home to mommy, leaving behind two upset sons, and the posts became all about the dog.

If you have no compassion for the wife, what about the boys he left behind. They are just as helpless as the dog in this, they didn't get what was going on either.

I think he was wrong, I also think that we all understand that after years of SK's mouthing off in OUR homes we all at times may say things in the spur of the moment, that maybe we realise afterwards we could have said better. However, with our own kids we can say sorry, but I was tired, whatever, and they will forgive, our stepkids are not that forgiving of us. So, yes to the poster who said when our own kids behave like this we forgive them, and we do, however, they also forgive us. Our stepkids tend to hold grudges and keep adding them to the list of our transgetions, the problem is our DH's don't pull them into line the first time they speak out of turn and it escalates to this. The problem is not the dog, not how she does or does not train it, not the big mouth too much to say doesn't know her place 16 year old, but the dad who clearly supports her.

And Christians do not go out of their way to help a person destroy not only their own life, but the lives of others too. A responsible parent is supposed to love their child enough to do what is best for the child, not be selfish and do what they think will make the child love them more. A wise old priest once said to me, never do something for someone that they can do for themselves, you are not helping them, you are crippling them. If your husband wants to quote Christianity, then perhaps he may actually want to practice it as well. Walking out on you and his two sons, leaving all three of you distressed does not scream a Christian thing to do. Seems, that when things got hard for him and his daughter, he not only gave up but he gave in to his daughter and failed to teach her manners, respect and where she fits into the family by walking out of the home rather than do the right and responsible thing - Stay there and deal with it. Sorry but he sounds like a hypocrite to me. He needs to practice what he preaches.

Funny thing about the bible, you can read whichever page you want to get the desired answer: ie: One page will tell you to turn the other cheek, but turn the other page and you will find, an eye for an eye.

I don't think you have to find a way to disengage from his daughter - I think you have to find a way to keep your sanity and to remove from your life people who do not have your best interests at heart, people who want to hurt you either physically, emotionally or spiritually. If your SD is bringing you down in one or all of these areas, then you have to find a peacful way of stopping that and living the "full" life that God wants you to live. People were given the gift of free will to use as they see fit. Your sd is using her free will to cause trouble in your life and in her fathers, you seemingly are using yours to allow it. It is not about disengaging from her it is about taking control of your life and your family for the greater good.

The recent discussion on trying to handle the situation in a Christian manner made me think of a scripture from the bible that has helped me recently dealing with the skids and all their drama. I so happen to come across it on Pinterest & is resignated with me and has stuck with me ever since. Maybe it will help you.

Proverbs 4:23

"Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it."