and just an update: the child was discharged from hospital with NO infection any longer, on Saturday morning. FRIDAY afternoon... just the day before when I called to find out how his son was, he cried over the phone telling me that they've now picked up a "severe chest infection" in his son. He's so worried and besides himself and is so stressed out. Less than 24 hours later, in fact 18 hours later the attending paediatrician let him go home with a clean bill of health. This.... is the source of my frustration. My SO.

stepdown, the reason why it bothers me is because this is the man I intend on marrying. We are expecting a child together, in less than 2 months we'll have a child that we're both responsible for. Although at this point I've already seen that so far he's bought nothing for our child. I have already seen how this is gonna work, so I have made all the necessary provisions for our unborn child - from a crib and stroller to diapers for the next 6 months. He's made no effort in coming to the table, so forgive me for the subtle resentment towards him.

Like I said its not that he was there for his son, it was the fact that he failed to see that he has other responsibilities that are needed. Lets say he got laid off for being off work 3 days while sitting at the hospital with his son. That same medical insurance that his work gives him that allowed him to have his son stay in private health care would be gone. He would be sitting without a job. he would not be able to pay CS to BM, he would not be able to pay the mortgage on his own house. It worries me that I will be committing myself for better or worse with a man who's sense of priorities I am questioning. I can see me providing the better and him the worse... that's not the balance I was looking for in a marriage.

We keep our finances completely separate, so it would have no bearing on me. But its HIS life that would be affected negatively. It would be his child that would not have a father who could provide for him. It would be HIS mother who is staying in his house, that would not have a roof over her head.

Like I said, yes, parents are different, and we all make different decisions. If 24 hour stay was needed for him to be sure his son is okay, then he had other options what would not threaten his livelihood. He could have asked his mom (who is not working and would have said yes, cos I know her) to stay with his son during the day, while he was at work. He could taken the night shift then.

When we look for a suitable partner, we have to take many things into consideration, and how we react to crises is an element we have to consider. Complete breakdown for something like this was exaggerated to the point of concern for me. I may be harsh in my analysis of the situation, but it really does leave me very uneasy. As, like I said, its not the first time. His son had a common cold not too long ago as well, and he sat at home with his son while his mom WAS at home. I know his family, they're all very supportive, it would not have been a problem for he to nurse him back to good health.

It amazes me how we can say "shame he's only 7 years old" when I have read so many reports of so many SKIDS 7 and younger that's a source of much discontent for many stepparents out there. yes, he was in hospital, I have not negated that. I am maybe looking too deeply at the bigger picture and the impact of the little things later in life.

Freedom, you know last weeks incident highlighted the real issue here.

He does not have a great job, and i am okay with that. Its HOW he's set his life up that scares me. His son lives FT with his ex, he visits every weekend and whenever he is sick. He has tied up his finances in such a way that he really is not able to provide for his livelihood. And god-forbid I ask him to contribute to this unborn child on THIS forum, I'll be seem as selfish - because accordign to the logic of some of the members on this site it would seem only right that he ONLY pay CS to his poor 7-year old son, and I should expect nothing because I am 'selfish and insensitive".

It seems I should be grateful to have this poor concerned dad and totally ignore that fact that he's got responsibilities to me too in this relationship, as I do to him. Its almost as though I should completely deny myself, and be okay that his situation is dysfunctional. it seems as though I should "get over myself" because i expect my man to be a man in this relationship. I expect him to bring to the table: love, companionship, care, support, and provision as best he can.

The truth is that I love him so much, but love simply is not enough. The need to have a man in my life has never ever been so important that i compromise so many expectations. If he could break-down competely for a non-life-threatening event, what more when the bigger storms of life hit us? Do I sit with a man who is going to stop functioning everytime we have a crisis to deal with? This was never about his son, it was about him. His son and his conduct issues is a case all on its own.

Wait..... the best was that I was told my one of te members on this site that FSS7 bullying my BD3 was "normal". So its normal purposely throwing a 3 year old into a pool and watching her drown. Thank God I saw my child struggling in the water, jumped in and saved her. Maybe its normal throwing a 3-year old down to the ground and stomping on her. Everyone else's Skids on this forum are allowed to annoy them and Stepmoms are allowed to be unhappy with how their Skids treat them, but i must understand that he's only 7 and its normal behaviour to bully my younger child.

But like i said that's a seperate issue. My problem lies in the fact that my SO renders himself totally incapacitated for issues which could be addressed in a more responsible manner. And it worries me.

Snarky - what happened last week that his 7-year old son was booked for a procedure to have his rotten milk teeth removed. The doctor picked up in hospital he had a tooth infection, did not cut out the teeth, and treated the infection in hospital. My man decided to stay there 24 hours a day with his son, completely ignoring that he has work, after hour work that he committed to finishing. I was terribly pissed off because at the time I was (and still am) on bedrest in my 7th month of pregnancy. i could not understand why:
1) It was entirely necessary for him to be there 24 hours.
2) Decided to relinquish himself of ALL his other responsibilities for a non-life-threatening event which could have been treated with less drama.

Oh, and upon further questioning my SO this week, it came out that the child stayed in hospital upon my SO's request. He COULD have been treated at home, he felt that it would be best for his son to be treated at hospital. I think it was part of his dramatics. He creates mountains out of molehills every time his son as much as farts. What drove me to the point of asking for a time-out in our relationship, was the fact that I realised that the Friday afternoon when I asked how his son was, he told me the child's condition deteriorated to a "severe chest infection" (considering he's been on antibiotic treatment since Wednesday so it was a bit strange) and the very next day he was discharged from hospital with a clean bill of health.

He has a morbid desire to prove to the world that he is the best father to his son. Judging from the strong animosity of my SO and his ex, i can see how this child has become a pawn in a terrible situation, but i can also see how he's learnt to manipulate the situation to meet his needs. what angered me was that he creates drama around his son ALL the time.

Last week i knew something was off, came to vent and was crucified for being a selfish insensitive SM. I have since got a caregiver to live in with the nanny to assist at home, as I am on strict bedrest. My BD3 is loving having her nanny stay over - they're playing and having so much fun as we speak

Yea it sucks, but i get so much work done, and the best part is that i don't get to sit in traffic

Yep, unfortunately doctors gain the most with these Munchausen parents. So whatever motivation the doctor gave the insurance, was good enough.

that's my concern. Our child. Is he going to create a monster in our soon-to-be-born son? Is the example he sets with his eldest son, the type of example I want for our son? Do I was a son who will be like FSS7 who has learnt very little social skills required for peaceful co-existence with members of society? The issues run deep as with most Step parents.. having to deal with issues that were created long before you entered the scene...