Its not my fault that you chose a loser as a biomom for your son!!
Ohh this annoys me to no end. The income difference is HUGE in our house and Bio moms house where FSS7 lives. Not my fault she didn't finish school, and I completed my MBA. its by choice. I can therefore afford to look after my kids and provide for them a lot better. That's why I had my first kid at 29 and pregnant with my second at 33... While I had my nose in my books, BM was dangling her legs over mens shoulders.
I don't spoil my daughter, but when I buy her things, I buy her nice things that may cost a little more but is of a good quality for it to last, and because she's able to look after her things at such a young age, I don't mind. She's learnt from an early age that if you break it, it does not get replaced, so best you look after your things. FSS7 doesnt. His toys are always breaking, he does not even know how to read...
So here's the problem, So feels bad that FSS7 does not have what BD3 has and feels he needs to compete. I used to buy his son really nice toys, clothes etc... but i stopped completely by virtue of the fact that he's an entitled little brat who does not appreciate things and is rude to me, and phyiscally bullied my BD3. We don't see him anymore, until he's gone for some sort of psychological assessment and intervention for his issues. He beat up my poor BD3 when he gets her alone, that I had to take her for therapy to let her undestand what he did was not right, and that it's never okay for anyone to hit her, and she should never hit others, especially smaller kids....
So now when I buy BD3 stuff, he makes sarcastic little remarks of her being "so lucky"... LUCK had nothing to do with it. I chose the lifestyle I am living. Like your son's BM chose hers. And for the unborn baby, i bought all the cutest little things for him (yes pregnant moms go wild sometimes, sue us)... and he has an issue with it, because now his sons are not going to be raised the same... WHO'S problem is that? seriously? Arghhhhh!!! FFS M#@*(&!!!!
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and i am not responsible for
and i am not responsible for HIS lack of judgement either. BM is a really physically beautiful woman, but as beautiful as she is externally, that's how nasty she is on the inside... My SO is now at a point in his life where he's turned away from a rather colourful past, and has shaped up really great before I met him, so the man I have is NOT the man BM had, and that's not my fault either.
just cos HE decided to shape up his life does not mean she has to. The woman he was attracted to then does not have to change just because he has. She's a rat, and will always be until she decides to not be a rat anymore, get some schooling done, get a job, and be responsible. Until then that is the woman you CHOSE to have unprotected sex with a bring a child into the world. She was worth you taking the risk then, now live with your decisions. its not so easy though to live with the responsibilities. Arghhhhhh!
ICK. Isnt that the way it
ICK. Isnt that the way it ALWAYS is????
My Dh used to make our kids wait to do things until Stepkids were with us and then MY kids never got to do anything because we couldnt afford to take 5 kids to do XYZ. ANNOYING!!! I put a stop to that, as soon as I pointed it out and started keeping a journal to prove it, he stopped. He saw it too and figured out OUR kids were getting robbed while his kids lived high on the hog with multiple holidays, families and houses (to include rooms ect)
NOW all the kids live with us and sometimes we still do things without the stepkids. OUR kids have to have some kind of life without their siblings.
Just do what you think is right, if he cant see it, screw him.
and as for BM, Ours is the same way. she wants DH to pay the way. She doesnt want him, she cheated and left but O MAN she STILL wants his paycheck.... and the kids live with us (one FULL time, she never sees and the other 20% of the time and we STILL pay support)
Same deal here. My side of
Same deal here.
My side of the family: college educated, smart decisions from the get go. Financial planning for the future, etc etc.
His side: Mostly drop outs. No one college educated. Babies before jobs and education.
And DH wonders why we live better than his side. Duh!!!!!! Choices, baby. Simple choices!
The SpermClan has had the
The SpermClan has had the same rants about my wife and I and how my SS has things that he does not need, is spoiled, etc.... Well, my wife is no longer the 16yo single teen mom HS student. She graduated with her HS class with honors, left the state to go to school for an accelerated BSAcc program. She and I met there.
She went on to graduate with a dual major BS in Mgt/Accounting, went on to grad school for her MBA and is now a CPA. I am a degreed engineer and have my MBA also. We completed her BS and both of our MBAs after we married. We are both professionally employed and make pretty good money as individuals. Combined we do very well.
My SS is our only child but the oldest of the SpermIdiots four out-of-wedlock children.
When my wife took her son and left to go to college after the SpermIdiot abandoned she and the baby in a nasty travel trailer far from town with no car the SpermIdiot went on to be a ganbanger wannabe, spawn three more out of wedlock children with two more baby mamas, abandoned the three younger ones on SpermGrandMa and SpermGrandPa's door step for them to raise with no help from him and SpermGrandMa pays the CS for my SS. He did get his plumbers license but is voluntarily intermittently employed in an effort to keep his CS as low as possible
SpermGrandMa rants regularly when my son is on SpermClan visitation that he does not need the nice watch that he has, the nice shoes and clothes, adequate spending money, etc.... and how it is not fair that SS has these things and his SpermIdiot half sibs don't.
Not our problem and when SpermGrandMa or the SpermIdiot call to whine about how unfair it is that my son has what he has, we take nice vacations, and the younger half sibs don't we just tell them that if he learned how to keep his pecker in his pants and had gone to college he would not have these problems and that they are not our son's problem.
Congratulations on finishing
Congratulations on finishing your Master's Degree and beginning your Ph.D. My wife did things a bit backwards to how you are doing them but she is an amazingly driven woman who has dedicated her late childhood and her entire adult life to providing opportunity to her (our) son.
She had SS-18 when she was 16yo. BioDad (the SpermIdiot) was 22yo. He left them to run off with another 16yo when my wife was 17 and SS was not quite 1yo.
He went on to spawn 3 more out-of-wedlock children by two more baby mamas. He did ultimately get his state plumbing license but chooses to work intermittently because he thinks it lowers his CS. He abandoned the younger three on SpermGrandMa's doorstep and SpermGrandMa and SpermGrandPa pay the CS for my son.
We provided our son (my SS) with the best education that we could through either the best school districts or boarding schools. He also is definitely spoiled though we do have rules, standards of behavior and performance and hold him accountable for his decisions, actions and screw ups.
Spoil the crap out of your kids, we do, as long as you have rules, consequences and discipline even a spoiled kid will turn out fine. IMHO a parent's job is not to be their kid's friend it is to be their example, mentor, confidant, advocate and disciplinarian. For parents who understand this, ultimately when the kids are adults they will be great friends with kids and the kids will be great friends with the parents.
All IMHO of course.
Best regards.
Yep foxxystep, same here.
Yep foxxystep, same here. Great post, by the way!
I CHOSE to educate myself BEFORE getting married (I am currently engaged) and having kids (currently have no biokids of my own). I CHOSE to obtain my Bachelors Degree and Law Degree - and I buried my head in the books literally for YEARS to EARN what I have now. Everything I have now, I EARNED. I bought a house (my OWN mortgage), bought a brand new car, paid it off, drove it for about 10 years, bought another new car, paid it off, still driving it and it's about 7 years old now. I have $$ saved in the bank, retirement account growing, NO CREDIT CARD DEBT and I've always supported myself my entire life. I pay my own mortgage and my own student loans.
BM, on the other hand, is the exact opposite of me. She got preggo at 16, gave birth at 17, dropped out of HS. Met my now FDH when her son was about 1 yo and basically began her career of leeching off of ANY man she could at that point. Eventually, she went back and got her GED...not because she wanted to, but because my FDH told her that he was having a hard time supporting himself, her AND her baby from another daddy, while she chose to be unemployed. She couldn't get a job without a GED, so she got her GED. Years later, she would get various jobs, then quit them soon after. She then wanted to go to hairdressing/cosmetology school and whatever my FDH couldn't afford to pay for her, she borrowed the rest of the tuition $$. What do you know? She not only does NOTHING with her state license after she finally passes the licensing exam, but she then proceeds to DEFAULT on the student loans!!! After they got married, my FDH legally adopted her bioson from another daddy, which makes him financially responsible for EVERYONE's support. They have 2 more kids together and SURPRISE!!! BM says she doesn't want to work while they are young - wants to be a SAHM. Fast forward to their divorce, one of the FIRST things she tried to do was have the court ORDER that my FDH pay child support to her for ALL 3 KIDS!!! Thankfully, her bioson was already an adult (around 18-19 at the time), so FDH "only" pays CS to BM for their 2 biokids together - EVEN THOUGH WE SHARE TRUE JOINT 50/50 PHYSICAL & LEGAL CUSTODY OF SKIDS with BM!!! :? :? :?
To top it all off, BM has NEVER, EVER bought herself ANYTHING she owns today with her OWN MONEY. My FDH always bought her cars, had her on his health insurance, always paid her car insurance, all the utilities, the mortgage on the house, EVERYTHING!!!!!
Even when they divorced, my FDH did MANY things to help her "get back on her feet" :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick:
FDH bought her a new car ("for the sake of the kids" (TM), so she'd have something to drive them around in), paid her car insurance for 3 years, pays her rent on the house she presently rents (as part of his CS obligation), the list goes on and on and on.....
To this day, BM STILL CHOOSES to work part-time (translation: only when she feels like it), finally got some kind of state nursing certificate (took her long enough, about 3-4 years AFTER the divorce was final, which the divorce took 2-3 years itself!!!) and still CHOOSES to continue to blow through her money on ridiculous crap (i.e. tattoos, piercings, etc...), not to mention, electronic gadgets (i.e. iPhone, readers, etc...) ALL FOR HERSELF instead of saving $$$ for skids' support and their college education!!!
All the while, my FDH STILL pays FULL CS$$ to her too....like clockwork. Ugh!!!!
Sorry, FDH that you CHOSE to procreate with a LOSER!! You made the CHOICE to have a relationship and marriage to a woman like that. BM made a CHOICE to not educate herself and not better her life, not even for the BENEFIT OF HER CHILDREN, so they'd have a better life.
Oh well, I don't feel bad for BM AT ALL!!! I made my choices and I'm now enjoying the benefits of all of my hard work. She made her choices and now she's a dependent, narcissistic, miserable, jealous, classless, low-class leech who still cannot hold a relationship with a man 7 years after her divorce. Oh well, BM!! Sucks to be you!!!
***Milomom stepping off her soapbox now***
P.S. To foxxystep - MY FAVORITE PART OF YOUR POST:
"While I had my nose in the books, BM had her legs dangling over mens' shoulders"
ROFLMAO!!!!! YES!!!!!! This is SOOOOO true!! This is a GREAT description of the differences between MY life and BM's life, too!!! YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD with that one!!! SPOT ON!!! Love it!!
Congratulations on your
Congratulations on your success as a parent, an adult, a person of character and now as a college student.
Your story and my wife's (now 35) are very similar. She had SS a few weeks before her 17th B-Day and did it all herself at the beginning including heading out of state for college far from any family.
Again, congratulations.
Best regards,
Thanks so much for your input
Thanks so much for your input everyone.
You know I have my theory on this and shared it with my SO... He cannot understand how his son is the way he is, and why Bm is the way she is. So I took him back a few years to when he met her. I asked him, what kind of man were you then? He said he didn't work, he lived to party, and he was really the man of the moment. I said to him, "well that my dear is the type of man she is attracted to"... I said had i met you around that time, trust me there would have never been a me and you, cos that's nto the kind of man I was attracted to.
So it stands to reason then that she is STILL sttracted to that kind of man if nothing has changed from her side, and since that is FSS7's primary home, he's learning those same values.
its sad that one has to carry the cross of someone else's mistakes in life...