i am annoyed because his mother has more important things to do and he just bends to her demands. This time round its way too inconvenient for her to be sleeping there with the child. I should have added that i am 7 1/2 month pregnant and on strict bed rest from my obstetrician because I have an incompetent cervix.

I understand that I am coming across as rather harsh to the situation, and I should further clarify the history. FSS7 has over the past 2 years faked being ill so many times, where even my FMIL said to my SO that he needs to stop payign so much attention to his antics.

I understand and respect that he's in hospital for a legitimate problem, but i shold add that i am in South Africa. Our private hospitals are EXTREMELY safe. In the paediatric ward, no-one besides parents are allowed in there anyway.

The mother over december, when it was her turn to look after him, dumped him at her own mothers house, and she in turn called us to fetch him and once again, OUR holiday spoiled... He had a cold in winter... and my SO treated this kid like he has double pneumonia. The exaggeration of this child's medical incidences is what annoys me, the fact that he let BM have her way once again annoys me.... the fact that I have to lie in bed where he should be at least assisting at home. He could have insisted with BM to sleep over - because of HIS situation at home with me being in bed.

Asher, I have not given him a hard time about it. I never give him a hard time about his child. ever. Because that child is a god in his eyes.

krisnkids, unfortunately for me, its not for the night... most likely till sunday/Monday... So i will have to ask my mom to come stay with me till then. while FSS7's BM gets to go partying or whatever it is she does, and SO steps in to mother his son.

tequina, i acknowlege that that is your opinion of me, and that's okay.

Like i said, i suppose I should have had a LONg into to this and given a very detailed background of the situation...

crayon, I agree 100% with what you said, that actually is the story of my life, the guilty parent. Even when we're at home laughing and having fun, its like my SO's brain freezes, and he withdraws. You can actually SEE he's feeling guilty that his son is not with him to enjoy the nice time he's having. Then we get to sit with a man who's so miserable, the atmosphere becomes tense. I must add, i met him 2 years ago, he was single. I did not cause him to be guilty for leaving his child.

krisnkids - see that's why I said I should have given a more comprehensive history before blasting my mouth off - he's taken leave from work to be there day AND night. He's been there since 6am when he had to go in, till now. He'll come home in the morning for a quick shower, go back for the whole day... this pattern will be repeated till Sunday/Monday.

He is a good dad, but he's also a guilty father who has displayed so many signs of adding to this child's ultimate damage.

and all the while, I have been sitting with a pregnancy that's left me hospitalised twice this year already... so you know what, maybe i am being unreasonable expectign him to be a father to his unborn child too - and understand that his son HAS a mother too, and have some sort of expectation of her pulling her weight. Maybe i am being cold for expecting my partner to support me. If I am unreasonable in my request for support knowing how we've both cried night cos my unborn child was almost lots thrice, then you know what? I'll gladly take the label of a cold stepmom.

DaizyDuke, I am speculating when I say Sun/Monday, but bearing in mind that the infection needs to fully clear up before they remove the teeth (approx 3 days I from experience, depending on the antibiotic administered), and the doctor is not going to discharge him until the infection's cleared up and does the procedure (that's what I was told by SO). So it is fair to assume that it will be at least a 4 day stay. And I know SO's taken leave from work for the rest of the week, because he told me he did. I also know that he's going to stay there day AND night, because he called to tell me that.

I think it is best I also bow out, becaue way too many incorrect assumptions have been made here. So much so that I am feeling the need to defend everything I say. I never ever inferred that he must make a choice in whose more "important". That's ridiculous. i respect that he loves his son, I encourage him to see his son sometimes when my FMIL calls me and tells me that it looks like the child's mother is being a cow.

I have had to be the big adult in this when FSS7 physically bullied my child when we were not looking. I've had to taken the moral highground so many times to my emotional detriment because I love this man, and respect that this child that has ZERO respect for me in his fathers life, Zero respect for me in our home, is openly nasty towards me. So i do apologise for coming across as being unsympathetic.

i challenge any one of you to be okay with your husbands telling you that they've taken absence from leave for the rest of the week to be at his son's hospital bed ALL the time(who is there for a minor procedure). If the child was in a coma, or really ill - I would have packed him dinner and driven my best-rested self to the hospital to be there for him myself.

krisnkids - my daughter's at home, I've had to ask the nanny to sleep over till he's back.

And in the long run, in fact short run, this is not sustainable, and I will be the one who loses, but not because i am doing the god-awful thing of asking him to choose between our unborn child and his son, it'll be bacuase he's always made a god of his son.

The once his son called him to say his BM scolded/shouted at him for some or other reason. my dad-of-the-year SO got in his car, drove there and made a huge performance because she scolded at the child. I later asked him whether he asked the child "what for?", and if the reason he got was not good enough, why not then call the BM and ask her what's going on?... i don't even think she's being neglectful because she's a terrible person, she's tired of havign a man want to be man in her house, who's not even there. So she's disengaged from her OWN biological child. She's not there with FSS7, because she knows she doesn't have to.

What I can say is that I am glad that i have the option of walking away from this craziness. For my kid(s) and for myself. He'll love the unborn child soon, play with him, and then freeze, and withdraw because he's feeling guilty about something again.

7 year old - throwing 3.5 yr to the ground and stomping on her - if that's called being siblings, then i sure as hell was cut a very raw deal. When 7 year old has been purposely mean to my BD because she's got a stable mother who bothers to spend time with her, play with her, then forgive me for my misinterpretation of the situation. When he breaks her toys, and hits her, and shoves her around is being a sibling, then i must have been living in a cocoon.

Thanks Katrienkie. I think that whole episode in December when I had to jump into the pool because FSS7 pushed my BD3 into the water and all the other stressors added to me having a complicated pregnancy. At least i am in good hands with a good Ob/gyn and it's only a month and a little bit left.

You know what the private hospitals are like in Sandton, i think you'd appreciate my sentiment in not understanding what the big deal is in my expectation that he is at home. Also, like I said, if the child were really ill, i would understand the situation a little better. He could have been given meds to take home and rescheduled. in fact if I were SO, i would have suggested that as first option. let the TOOTH infection clear up at home. They're cutting 6 of his front teeth out, i can understand POST-operative concern at this level.... this is bloody ridiculous!

wicked, when i pointed out that the child's teeth were going to cause complications for him shortly after I met him (about 2 years ago already), I was told exactly where my place was in his son't life. His son has a mother and a father. so, I nicely butted out.

Like I said, this story has a long history, whick I don't expect most people to uderstand. And that's okay. I just felt overwhelmed at the time, and needed to vent, when I was told that he's not going to be around during the day or at night, and that he's taken leave from work to be there day and night.

And like I said, maybe I am being unreasonable for him to expect his son's BM to be there because while she's sitting and watching soapies/out on dates.... i have to sit without NEEDED assistance. i am not expectign him to treat me like a queen, but as the mother of his unborn child who is actually having complications. But if that makes me unreasonalbe in the eyes of you ladies, then that's fine. i can live with that.

I think that I need to take a few steps back, breathe and start again.

My SO confuses me with regard to the inconsistent treatment of SS7. I have long decided to step aside from commenting on his son and what goes on there but it does become difficult when u can clearly see the child is neglected. I suggested in January at the beginning of the new school term, despite all the hurt this boy has put us through, to be the adult in the situation, and spoke to SO to let him stay with us. The reason why is that his mother cares more about looking like Victoria Beckham than parenting her child. He goes to a bad school, he's left to do as he pleases, has very bad social skills. I recognise the child needs stability and an environment in which he can flourish. I said to SO that it won't be easy for all of us involved, but for the best interest of HIS son, it may be a good idea to explore. I even thought of ways in which to keep my daughter safe in this adjustment period.

My SO said no. He said ''the child must live with his mother, and its gonna be an adjustment that'll cause a lot of ''unnecessary'' strain on our relationship''. I've stopped pointing out areas of obvious concern, including the teeth in question above. after 2 years I'm getting the impression that SO and BM are using this child to get to each other. In all fairness, I don't know what the real SOURCE of my frustration is, and all the anger built up from all over. I am gonna be big enough to say I am being dramatic for being upset over him being there. Its bigger than that, and the problems are deeper than that.

I do not crave his attention. I do mostly take care of myself in my temporary condition. I have even given thought to leaving for a long time now. I know this man, I love him dearly, but I do wonder if this is sustainable. As I said in an earlier update, he tries to enforce his role of man of the house in two households. Its so crazy that this child does not even know what religion to follow since mom and dad have totally different faiths.

What frustrates me is the inconsistency of parenting from BOTH my SO and the BM, and I always finding myself getting the short end of the stick. I know this situation was probably not the best to lose it, but I suppose we all have a breaking point.

asher, I invite u to read my very first blog in November last year (i only have 2), it'll confirm what I said here, and hopefully give some insight to a long, frustrating situation. Be warned, its a long letter. But I think we should all take a lesson in this that we should ''never judge a man, without walking a mile in his shoes''.