skids get psysical !!!
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Last night was a mess. The skids were totally disrespecting their mother and one even grabed her and got psysical ! They have no respect for us in our home.Well, she let her have it. I don't know what to do here. I am staying out of this one. This happened about two years ago , and again now. I went downstairs to see if everyone was alright, don't know what to find when I get home from work. What do you do with a skid that gets psysical and punches her mom ?
Move far, far, away.
Move far, far, away.
Call the cops and have her
Call the cops and have her ass hauled off to jail. Don't bail her out and have them hold her over until arraignment.
It is not your wife's call to make .... it is yours. You call the cops and press the charges. I would make sure that both the Skids know in no uncertain terms that they will never lay a hand on YOUR wife nor will they speak to YOUR wife in any way other than with absolute respect.
If they fail to get the message keep having them arrested if they assault her and throw their asses physically our of YOUR house if they get belligerent.
My kid took a swing at me one time (he was 15) by the time the dust settled a few seconds later he was out the door in to a raging blizzard with no coat and only one shoe. Freezing his ass off for 10-15 minutes in a raging snow storm with a wind chill of ~10 degrees let him know in no uncertain terms that he never would swing at me again. Once he huffed off and back to the door he was not allowed inside until he agreed that he was fully accountable for treating his mother and I with absolute respect.
He was blue by that time and knew that if he did not agree that he would end up as a 6 foot tall popsicle.
Your Skids need this same message IMHO.
Best regards.
Rags, that is what they need.
Rags, that is what they need. A dose of how hard the streets really are. They rely on they mom way too much. They have no clue on the cost of living and take her for granted. Bunch of spoiled brats.
*shudders* I’m just trying to
*shudders*
I’m just trying to imagine what my mother would do to me if I DARED to try anything physical with her… and I’m 35 flippin years old! And I’m STILL terrified of the wrath of the mama… she’s five foot two, one hundred pounds of pure Italian muscle and she don’t take no mess. Ever. From anyone.
One time (around 13 or so…) I snapped at her and threw one of those snotty voiced “Ok… MOTHER!”’s at her… woooooooo! She flew across the room, grabbed me up by the shoulders and had me jacked two feet off the floor up against the wall. I don’t remember a whole lot after that, but it taught me one hell of a lesson in respect for that woman.
Rags is right in the sense that those kids need to know that you’re there to protect your wife at all costs and that you will NOT tolerate that kind of abusive behavior… but I think your wife needs to assert her Mama-ness and gain some damn respect from those kids.
*shudders*
My mother is no joke.
Moon, I could not have agreed
Moon, I could not have agreed with you further. If we got out of line, my parents would just look at us, and man were we scared. We would never raise a finger to our parents. I told her they need a dose of working and buying their own stuff and being on their own without any help. Then they might relize that they messed up. But, it might be too little too late.
This post just made me pull
This post just made me pull up a little gem from the musical vaults…
everyone who needs a pick-me-up this morning, go right now and download
James Brown’s “Pappa don’t take no mess!”
"Papa didn`t cuss…
He didn`t raise a whole lotta fuss…
But when we did wrong…
Papa beat the hell out of us!!!"
Papa don`t, Papa don`t
Papa don`t, Papa don`t
Papa don`t, Papa don`t
Papa don`t take no mess
Papa don`t take no mess…
(goin out to you Rags!)
(and Pat… let your wife hear this and just replace papa with mama)
She's not his wife. They just
She's not his wife. They just got engaged much to the chagrin of the SDs.
Same thing in my book...
Same thing in my book... she's your woman.
Thanks step. Not a good way
Thanks step. Not a good way to start a new life. But, we are going to be happy ,whatever it takes to do that we have agreed that nothing is going to stand in our way.
one turns 18 in 6 months and
one turns 18 in 6 months and the other is 21 !
you can't teach an old dog
you can't teach an old dog new tricks.. it sounds like the kids have been allowed to disrespect their mother for a long time so why change now? I agree.. jail, group home, somthing...there needs to be consequences for their actions. If they are OK with hitting their mother where does their violence stop??
Well, her daughter tryed to
Well, her daughter tryed to get the best of my fiance. I know her for most of her life and if her kids think they can beat her up and talk $hit , they are sadly mistaken. She will always come out on top. The oldest was told to start looking for a place to live, and the middle on (17) is going to stay with her grandmother. Can't work and worry what will happen next. Violence will not be tolerated.
Well, that is not going to
Well, that is not going to continue. This is not going to be our future. I will not tolerate this anymore. We have both agreed that drastic measures are in place. I will not have a skid pulling this garbage or anyone hurting my other half. Tough love is in order here.
Blended, they can't move out
Blended, they can't move out fast enough. Hell, I will help them pack !
Why are you the one trying to
Why are you the one trying to fix everything in this family? You have not once mentioned your STB wife trying to address ANY of the issues that have been a problem. Why is it you trying to save it all? When things got violent the other day, it would've been appropriate for you to call the police & you didn't. Yet, all of the phone calls & text messages you take the liberty in making are HERS to make & you're all over them!
You marrying their mother isn't going to grant you instant approval. It isn't going to make them respect you. It isn't going to make them like you. It isn't going to make them support your decision to get married.
From reading your other posts it comes across, to me, like you're trying to take over & control everybody & tell these grown people what they will & will not do. YOU can't fix this. It HAS to be your STB wife. She HAS to stand up for herself & fix her own relationship with her children.
I agree Storm. We have talked
I agree Storm. We have talked about it and she has agreed to do something to change all of this. Rather the oldest has to move out and the soon to be 18 has to live with her grandma. It is the only way that their can be peace at home. I can't leave and go to work thinking what will happen next ? She is detaching herself from them and it hurts her very much that it has come to this. She is a great mother and has done everything for them. I hope that they can see the light and what they are missing is a great mother. But, I have come to the fact to disengauge from them for my peace of mind. She will too.
"She is a great mother and
"She is a great mother and has done everything for them. I hope that they can see the light and what they are missing is a great mother."
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This has been the HARDEST part of stepparenting for me. This is what I HOPE my skids will realize about DH someday. I have cried so many tears over having to watch DH hurt & struggle to have a good relationship with his children. Young or old, the parent will ALWAYS love their children. I don't have children of my own. I only know the pain their rejection causes me. I cannot IMAGINE the hurt & sadness DH has experienced...and still does experience as a result of being rejected by his kids. As old as it gets & as many times as he feels he needs to go back to try it again, he knows I will ALWAYS be there to support him in his efforts. But, it's something only HE can do.
If you are going to spend your life with this woman, make it everything you can for the TWO of you. Let her be the one to engage with her children as she chooses, & you be the one she will always know she can turn to & lean on for comfort & support.
Bless you both in your life together.
Thanks Storm. It means alot
Thanks Storm. It means alot that she is safe and happy. That is what counts in the long run. Life is way too short to have people destroy our happiness. I have known her since she was 4 years old , and finally after 40 years, we are together. I am not going to let anyone stand in my way.
Where I come from, we dont
Where I come from, we dont call the cops. We hit back.
And when all else fails kick them out of the house - have an uncle to call them and give them shelter for the night... and take it from there.
Kick them out of your
Kick them out of your house... NOW
My best friend had it out
My best friend had it out with her SS years ago. I believe, her SS was 17 at the time. Best friend finally had it during one of many arguments, told SS "You and me, out in the yard, NOW! We're gonna settle this once and for all!"
She went out, SS went out and then he collapsed. Fast forward to the hospital...turns out SS had OD'd on something. The ENTIRE time in the hospital, he wouldn't let my best friend (his SM) leave his side. He thought he was going to die, with good reason, and my best friend was his rock. He didn't want anyone but her. From that day forward, their relationship changed.
Now, 10 years or so later, they are very close. Her SS has his shit together and is now a father himself. He apologized for everything he put my best friend through and goes to her for advice with his own son. She says that if you would have told her 10 years ago that they would be where they are today, she would have laughed in disbelief.
I have to giggle though at the thought of this, then, 35yo woman out there ready to "duke it out" with a 17yo teenage boy. The neighbors are probably still talking about that one!
well, she laid one into her
well, she laid one into her daughter and she backed off. Her daughter is taller, but, she will never beat her mom. Her mom I have seen in action. She has no clue what she can do to her. She is just a ignorant teenager that needs her a$$ kicked.
Pat, I really think you
Pat, I really think you should let them work it or duke it out. They should all go to counseling & work this out before you get married or attempt to cohabitate.
Wow - I honestly believe if
Wow - I honestly believe if your GF got hit by her own daughter, then she has every right to hit back. It's called self defense and no cop would ever look down on her for it.
Hitting a parent is one of the WORST and most DISRESPECTFUL things a child can do to their own flesh and blood parent..she gave birth to that ungrateful slob! And she decides to hit her mother??
Unreal.....
My guess is the heathen did it because she got away with it before therefore she was enabled to repeat this performance.
Pat - trust me - you will NOT change the way a SK has been raised. I deal with it all the time. My SD is 19 and is one of the most spoiled brats I have ever come across in my life. She's a liar, deceiver, and chronic drama queen. And BOTH her mommy and daddy allowed her to be this way. If she said "Look, the sky is pink!" her parents would say "Honey - how pretty!!" knowing damn well it wasn't.
Enabling a child to act the way they do means you are fighting a losing battle. Unless she either knocks this kid's teeth out or presses charges...this will only happen again.
Sorry for the bluntness but I'm right there with you. It's hard.