Tenuous situation
BF of 5 years and I have SS11 half time. We really don't like where we live, but are here because BM will not move and BF wants to be near son. Although BM spends most of her time making sure she never takes the kid more than half time (not even 51%) she is very difficult. When BF wants free time, BM won't take the kid, and when BF wants the kid, BM suddenly loves him and will not be without him. For the past year, BM is much more interested in her new man victim than her kid and fights for every moment without SS. Even if she knew it was in the kid's best interest to move somewhere better, she would not let him go with biodad because she never lets biodad get what he wants, even if she wants the same thing. BM takes great pleasure in controlling all aspects of BF's life (this is a woman who makes plans on father's day so her kid is not available to spend time with his dad, even though the other 364 days of the year, she doesn't want him around). Anyway, I have a very very specialized job. Typically only 1 or 2 positions are available in the more populated states. I am not guaranteed to have this job forever and I may have to move. If I am forced to move out of state, what should I expect BF to do? What would your BF/H do?
I couldn't even get my BF to
I couldn't even get my BF to move 20 minutes away from his daughter's BM/grandparents so I didn't have to drive 50 minutes to work every day. That was annoying, but there were other compromises he made, so I let it go (for the moment).
Now, your situation is different in that in order to take an opportunity for you, it would be a necessity (not a matter of comfort) to have to move, and this opportunity could tremendously impact your life.
I could see your BF not wanting to leave his child, so I can't say I could fault him for not wanting to leave. That said, if i were you, and I got such an opportunity, I would go for it, whether he came with you or not. I don't think that I could put my career on hold for the sake of my BF's child, and bank on the fact that I'll never find myself down the road (after possibly leaving BF) wishing that I hadn't passed on this chance.
Does it really matter? If
Does it really matter? If this is a once in a lifetime opportunity and is bettering YOUR life, then go for it!! You aren't married ao do what is beat for YOU. If bf doesn't follow you then maybe it wasn't meant to be & it might even out you in a less stressful situation (no stepparenting and all that drama!) Then maybe he will go. New arrangements can be made if bf does move- new custody agreement and visitation schedule. Good luck and congrats!!
It sounds as though there is
It sounds as though there is way to much emotional baggage between bf and mother. I don't know if this man is without question 'the ONE for you' I guess it's a personal choice, maybe a compromise?? Perhaps conventional visitation would end up being healthier for your relationship and even for SK not to have Mom and Dad fighting over time with him and he would at least be able to truly count on the time he'd have with his son.
I would not expect BF to move
I would not expect BF to move away from his son. Honestly, I wouldn't want to be with a man that was willing to move away from his son. You can find another job. He can't replace time away from his child.
I think if the father only
I think if the father only had the child minimal time, it wouldn't make a difference. Going from half time to considerably less may not be right for the child. I would hope the dad would consider the child first.
I agree, there are many whose
I agree, there are many whose live away from child for various legitimate reasons - job opportunity, BM harrassment, other family need. To me if the BM won't cooperate re. sharing time anyway, she should have no say in whether he can move or not.
I would only consider not going if you want to be married to him, he is ready to marry you now, and he refuses to move. Otherwise you have to look out for you hon.
Another question may be if there is an order in their agreement that says he can't move. But in today's job market, you have to take the job you can get. People are forced to move for a job that will support their children, every day.
I agree. Asking the father to
I agree. Asking the father to move away from the child when the child clearly needs his father around is too selfish even for me. If I couldn't find a job in my state and had to move, I would consider a llong distance relationship. If that wouldn't work, I'd have to consider our relationship ending.