do you still take kids when they are sick for visitation?
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My ex expects me to take my kids on my days even if they are sick. I told her that if they are sick to keep them home . I live with my girlfriend and her 3 kids and we don't want everyone getting sick. So, she tells me that I have to take them . They are 8 and 10. What am I to do ?
I think it depends on how
I think it depends on how sick they are. Vomiting and diarheaa, NO. Sniffles and occassional cough, Sure. Its up to you. My DH always took SS no matter what (when SS lived with BM), but we also had to make sure he was being taken care of properly.
I think you will get mixed
I think you will get mixed reviews on this one.
I think if you are 50/50, then you take your kids on your time, sick or not. If you are EOWE, then no, I don’t think it is a good idea to send sick kids to a house they only spend 4 days a month just so they can make the other house hold sick.
I know a lot will say that as a parent you need to take the kids regardless and that you don’t stop being a parent if the kids are sick. I don’t see it as not being a parent, I see it as smart.
As a BM, I would not want to send my sick kids to a house that they only see 4 days a month. As a NCP, I would not want sick kids coming to my house on those 4 days.
As a mom I could never send
As a mom I could never send BS any where if he were sick. We just wentthrough a week of the flu, vomiting ect.. & BS who is almost 3 wanted no one but mommy. If we were divorced I would offer to switch weekends & keep him home with me.
My steps have had illnesses & pink eye & they have always came over. They have also gotten sick at our house. They have never asked to go home, we have just cared for them the way we would BS & I think they know that.
I understand both sides of
I understand both sides of the argument. Yes and No for different reasons. Our BM sends the skid over regardless how sick she is. Often I wondered how it must feel to be the skid to yanked out of bed, feverish, delirious and swooning and have to walk about 1/2 mile over to the pick up place (equal distance between houses). I just remember being sick as a kid and feeling hot, in pain and fuzzy in the head, wanting to lay down and be comforted. Not to be yanked between households in the middle of winter.
Of course if it's like a cold or mild sick, it's a different story. Even then I am kind of reluctant about it because I tend to catch things she has. But what can you do?
Also the BM tried several times to dump the skid on us because the BM was feeling sick. She only has the skid fri-sun, but she could not even deal with that.We said no way. When we are sick we still have to deal with the skid. BF still has to walk her to school and pick her up everyday, no matter how sick he is. I guess that's just how it is; unless you want to deal with keeping tabs of who-got-how-many-sick-days tab. Kind of impossible with the BM because when you give her a pinky, she wants the whole hand. Guaranteed.
DH's kids were able to make
DH's kids were able to make the choice where they wanted to be when they were sick. When DH was the custodial parent, they usually chose to stay with us. It was where they were most comfortable. When they went to live with BM, they chose to stay there. Of course, neither parent wanted to have to deal with the vomit, diarrhea, fever, snotty nose, etc, but whichever the skids chose was where they stayed. Of course, that was when illnesses fell over visitation weekends. Any other time, they just stayed with the custodial parent.
BM won't let us have SD if
BM won't let us have SD if she's too ill which is fine. For a while there BM was cancelling visitation with us even with the slightest sniffle. Come to find out she was just using her daughter slight cold to keep her from us. The straw broke the camels back when SD starting making up she was sick to not come over. Meanwhile BM had planned something super fun for her which was usually our idea in the first place. Grrrrr
My kids when there too sick they still uphold the visitation because of our work schedules. In rare instances I have stayed home or kept them over night. That's more the exception not the rule.
Oooh Pat, this was big bone
Oooh Pat, this was big bone of contention for me. I posted in forum about it once in the past. i think it was Do I have the right to say no blog, anyway...our BM sends them over sick ALL THE TIME! drives me insane, my DH won't say no so I have to just deal with it. When I blogged, basically the general consensus was to learn to just deal with it since they were his kids. I can't make him say no, and they are, after all, his kids.
that's a hard call all the way around. I feel for you there cause I am in the same boat! ...the SS Snawtnoze....
Depends how often he sees the
Depends how often he sees the kids...if he only sees them once a week then there doesnt see much point him having them if they're just going to be sleeping/feeling ill. In my opinion, would be much better to wait until they are feeling better so the time they spend with their dad is quality time doing something special together. Also, as sweetthing said, when kids are ill no-one but their mummy will do!!
I have a different take on
I have a different take on this one.
Our BM is a complete hypochondriac, to the point she has CONVINCED the kids over the years they have had:
*brain tumors
*stomach tumors
*skin cancer
*scoliosis
*diabetes
*menegitis
And this is only to name a few! So over the years, the kids were always in some type of supposed "health crisis" (her words) and were "just TOO sick to come over to our house."
In the beginning, DH didn't want to "make waves", so he let the kids do whatever they wanted (BIG MISTAKE). Well, of course, they wanted to be with BM- she heavily guilted them into staying with her. PAS! PAS!
After a while, we got smart, and told BM that we were perfectly capable of caring for the children here at our house. If they were contagious, we would separate them from the others (they all have their own rooms) so it was never an issue anyway.
With BM, it was all about control and PAS. And unfortunately, we took too long to figure it out
I agree with you Pat. If
I agree with you Pat. If there were no other children in your house, then I could see her point. But, you have other children that could wind up sick.
My kids are grown, but while they were still living at home, if my husband's kids were sick (or had lice), I absolutely forbid them into my home. If he wanted to see them, he could either go visit over there or get a hotel. I am a mom too. My job is to protect MY kids. I didn't give a flying fart if his x got her panties in a wad. That's HIS problem.
My DH will take SS whenever -
My DH will take SS whenever - no matter what is going on. I was newly pregnant and it was very high risk. He picked SS up and 1/2 way to our house he said he'd had the flu and bronchitis.
DH brought him anyway and poo pooed my concerns. Damn kid spent the weekend laying on the couch in the middle of the living room sneezing and coughing all over everything. Of course, DH acted like I was the bad guy. And guess who got sick at 2 months pregnant and ended up in the hospital?
Shortly after baby was born, DH still brought him to our house coughing and gagging - baby hadn't had a chance to build up immunity yet - but oh well.
Now about 6 months ago, DH, the baby, and myself were passing a stomach bug around and DH called SS to cancel because he didn't want him getting sick. Gotta love it!
I say the kids should be where the most comfortable and the least amount of harm when they're sick.
"would NEVER send a child who
"would NEVER send a child who was contagious anywhere, let alone to another home with children living there and/or if someone was expecting a baby."
Amen - my thought exactly. DH, at the time (this was precounseling days) thought I was just finding excuses to not have SS come over because I didn't like him. He thought Ididn't like him because I wouldn't let him run our house.
If he tried to re-arrange - BM would slap him upside the head with a guilt trip. It was not pretty.