Is she asking you directly or is she asking your husband who is asking you? Is the child minding burden on you, or is your husband there to help?

Frankly, I would do only as many favors as I wanted to do. You don't need to take them every time she asks you do. I would let my husband know that if all hell breaks out when I decline to help out, I'm going to decline all the time so there's no expectations. He should be handling his ex, not you.

Oh geez...of course you shouldn't be doing everything she asks of you nor should you be doing anything that will make you feel used. You're not in a relationship with HER...nor are you even in a relationship with these kids. You're right...she is taking advantage because you're letting her and you are going to have to get an attitude right back if that is what you are getting from her when you say no to anything. In fact if it were me I would no longer speak to her. I would tell the Husband in the picture that you feel unappreciated and that it's time to draw up some boundaries here. So many people on here will say the following and while it can hit a nerve (after you have given so much of yourself to the Skids) it is a fact. You are not their mother. You aren't technically required to give them any of yourself or our time or your resources or your heart. That sound callous I know but seeing as how every situation is unique...you need to talk with your partner here about what your role will be and arrive at compromises together. STOP interacting with the bio mom.

Block the bitch. Ignore the whore. Tell your DH to never mention her to you.

LOL yes what notasm3 said!!! And good for you for sticking up for yourself hon. Now speak with your actions and do cut contact with her. You sound like you're and overly kind type of person and believe me...you will have to fight your own nature in order to maintain your sanity and happiness. I'm sorry, for what it's worth, that you are in a tough situation but take charge of it. It will get easier with time if you do.

That's ugly. I didn't realize it was that bad. :jawdrop: Keep that crazy ass message in case you ever need to prove what a lunatic she is. Just out of curiosity would having custody of these kids be OK with you if it ever came to something like that? What about having zero custody at that? I always envisioned in my own situation that it might have been nice to only have my Skids %50 or less of the time but then again their father was a POS and it was probably for the best that he wasn't in any of our lives.

Their clearly is not going to be another way girl. That message is absolutely psychotic. No dealings with her will ever be healthy for you and you have to start looking out for YOURSELF first!!! Not the kids and not the husband. YOU!!!

Wow - she doesn't seem too stable. I would ignore her completely. Everyone is right with their advice - its up to DH to handle her. Other than his custody visitation, you shouldn't babysit them yourself. In time, she might start to appreciate what you did for her in the past but if not, her loss.

She's taking advantage of you plain and simple.

She doesn't respect you or see you as anything more than a pawn for her use.

Yup ...blocked! Good for you!(i hope you saved all your messages to have proof in case she decides to escalate this into a physical thing! Like her lazy ass would drive lol)
Why is it that BMs think SMs owe them things.(rhetorical all SMs know why)

Well she is disgusting for thinking you owe her anything. What does your DH think about all of this?

It's not stupid girl. It just is what it is. It's probably always best to try things civilly first without the courts until the need arises. What kind of custody agreement does your DH want?

Were your DH and the BM married? I ask because when my SO and his ex divorced they were required to have a parenting plan and there was a CO for custody (no CS because they're 50/50). But I guess if there was no divorce and no one filed for custody those things might not be in place. I think you would be wise to have an arrangement formalized, and then stick to it. Let your husband deal with the psycho.

I was in your boat. I had to tell her to stop. That my husband wanted and needed to be the point of contact for anything concerning his kids. She is asking you because she knows you are more likely to bend to her will.

THis is easy, I gathered you blocked BM..... keep it that way.

Now make it very clear, if DH is not around her children will not be with you, tell DH, you are his wife not a baby sitter and you will no longer babysit for him or BM.

' he does tell her to stop but she doesn't listen'

This is because you have made the mistake of saying yes in the first place. You are not their mother. You married a man, not his kids or ex wife. You have no responsibility towards them apart from what YOU decide to do from goodwill. That's it.

The problem with a lot of BM's is that they seem to have the idea that you MUST do for their kids, cook, clean, babysit, drive them to places etc. Once you start it will never stop. They just assume that you live with the father so you are there to be used. Stop it now or you will end up resenting the kids themselves. Only do the occasional favours but never shen SHE asks. Block her from contacting you. She should be contacting her ex to arrange child care etc. You did not give birth to them.

Our BM did this too.. I got comments like 'well, Moomin is there...' 'Moomin can drive them' then it went to 'Moomin should do this/that and she should not do this/that and by the way if she doesnt do it the way I do then I will come over and tell her how I expect it done.

Big tyre screeching to a halt noises... no no no. Stop it now or you will forever be her bitch.

** On reading further replies I see that you don't have a court agreement about visitation etc. I would suggest you play it cleverly until this is in place. Be hard to get hold of. Do not text or email, nothing in writing that you can't have them or be there when she drops them off. Leave it all to your DH. After this is settled then go fully to leaving their care to BM and your DH. Just don't give her anything to use against you.

Ghost the living daylights out of that loon of a BM.

Keep her blocked on all of your social media accounts. Keep all her phone numbers blocked, too.

You owe her nothing. Nothing.

It's not your responsibility to help her or do her any favors.

Good Lord, stop communicating with her and let your husband deal with his loon of an ex.

I've been with my husband for 21 years and can count on one hand how many times I've spoken to his ex-wife.

I watched my SD for a couple of hours (ONCE) when DH had to work. That was a favor to HIM (it was on his visitation time), not BM.

Back yourself up out of this mess, you are not the nanny.

Um, nobody owes her any favors. If stop Amy and all favors all together.  At least for a while, so that she realizes you owe her nothing

Based on her behaviors you certainly shouldn't.

No is a perfectly valid answer to her requests and you need to practice that most powerful sentence.

The beauty of favors for BM is that they are entirely on your terms.  So set and enforce  your terms and make sure to say NO just to keep her tuned to reality.

Most of all....  have fun with it.