No place for me
I went shopping for my 18 year old SD's baby shower and present today. I'm in charge of the decorations for this party of 100-200 people that I was sort of told to throw with only 2 weeks notice. Anyway, that's a whole other story, but as I was spending my day going from store to store spending money that I don't even have, I started to feel really bad as I looked at all the mom/dad/grandma/grandpa stuff and realized there was no place for me. None of the 3 older kids (12-18) ever even refer to me as their stepmom and that kinda hurts for some reason. I guess I already feel like "stepmom" is at best second class status and worst, just plain evil. But it kinda makes me feel like I am not even that. Like I'm no one. Just Lori, as I am to people who barely know me. Yet they have been in my life, my thoughts, my care, my house, my everything for 3 1/2 years. I have cried for them, thought of them, helped them, shopped for them, stepped back for them, taken them to the hospital, cared for them when they were sick, given them small gifts just because I saw something I thought they would like, thrown several parties for all of them, told them how special they are, loved them, played with them, looked out for them, etc. and I can't even be "stepmom" after 3 1/2 years. I guess I'm just being sensitive, but sometimes it just really feels bad. Especially as I'm shopping for all this stuff and feeling down because I was the one who should have been having a baby now and not her. And I will never get to be the first wife, have the first baby, be anyone's top priority, nothing. That feels kinda bad, and of course NO ONE irl understands any of this. No one.
And then on top of it all I have to not only go this party, but host it all the while being scowled at by the idiot relatives on her mom side. Their mom doesn't even scowl at me, so what the hell gives them the right. They think they're better than me simply because they're related by blood? Well then why the hell am I the one throwing her a party while they do nothing.
idiots.
OK. Done. Thanks for listening.
rubia, I am soo sorry, being
rubia, I am soo sorry, being a step mom is hard, even harder with out the respect from the Skids.. I have a SS and a SD. I know how you feel believe me. It is sad. I know that it is harder when you do so much to show you care and get nothing back in return.. I have 2 Skids a SS and a SD, the SS I love to pieces he is such a nice young man.. Unfortunately my SD for just the last few months has been hateful. After spending 12 years doing exactly some of the same things you are doing I am a EVIL SM... Funny this only happens when she or her mother don't get their way or don't agree with DH and me..
In all the years I have been a SM we have always had separate parties, never once was the BM or that side of the family invited to a party I was giving. Just my DH side of the family.. So I was wondering why you are being pushed to give this big party for the whole family?? I hope things get better for you but I really know how you feel. I think we all want our Skids to love us too, and when they don't it breaks our hearts.
Personally I think you are amazing for just thinking of having the moms side of the family. I don't think I could or would.
Good Luck to you
Thanks! (I think) her mom
Thanks! (I think) her mom and I get along pretty well now (and for the past maybe year and a half). We don't really speak because she only speaks Spanish, but we are always very friendly at drop off/pick up, we even hug and kiss on the cheek, and she always thanks me. I think she knows I take really good care of her kids and actually appreciates the help.
We live in the same house (separate apartments) as her family (her brothers, sisters, nieces and nephews). I thought I got along really well with everyone until this big blowout with one of her sisters and her niece. I do all kinds of things for all of them, too. Definitely too, too much.
I think i would truly do
I think i would truly do that if my son had a stepmom that genuinely cared about him. If my son loved his stepmom because she treated him well and all that, i would really, really thank care and also demand my son to respect her authority...
Sincerely,
G
"I will die on my feet before I live on my knees"
"And I will never get to be
"And I will never get to be the first wife, have the first baby, be anyone's top priority, nothing"
No place for me.... yes there is. No, you won't be the first wife, or have the first baby, but that doesn't mean you aren't as important as the others, or if you have kids, they won't be as important either. YOU ARE SOMEONE - you are your DH's wife, you are you! You are YOUR top priority and you should be your DH's top priority.
I used to have these
I used to have these thoughts.. about that I wasnt special because I wasnt the first.. no more. It really doesn't matter that you werent the 1st. Guess what? When you and your hubby decide to have a baby your baby will be special because he/she will not have all the drama of having split parents.. how about that? YOU will be the one that is the ONLY ONE with a functional family. That should make you feel special. And not sure about your SD or your hubbys situation.. but, when you do decide to have a baby it will be PLANNED out of a loving union.. That sets you apart immensely from your 18 yr old SD, the bioMom.. basically everyone. Let her have her moment to shine.. be happy for her, throw her the party.. do the right thing. Just know, that when it is your turn, YOU will be so much more special. You have the stable, loving husband that will be by your side when you two decide to make this decision.