Struggles co parenting with the other household
I am new to this site and found myself here because I am constantly finding myself wishing for support from people who may understand or know where I am coming from. I've always considered a blog that allowed me to vent about things, but mainly the struggles of being a stepparent.
My current struggle, without having to go into all the nasty details, is my stepsons biological mother and step father. I really don't have any intentions in sitting here and bashing them, but instead, searching for advice to help me deal with them! My husband and I are constantly being the bigger person (as we should) and I feel as if I'm constantly trying to build a relationship and be civil and respectful because 1, I know in the end, that is going to make my stepsons struggles 10x easier and 2, that's the person I am. But in return, all we get is plain nastyness! They lie, they go behind our backs, they text us rude things, and the list just goes on. Also, for some reason, (I guess cause I'm "stepmom") they always have something to say about me, whether it's rude or just petty. But what really gets me, is they say it and make it known in front of my stepson. My husband and I always go way out of our way to not show any negativity about them in front of him, but them, not so much. I'm not the person to think "oh they're out to get me", but geeze! I wish they would just leave me alone in that aspect. This gets to me so bad emotionally! I hate that I'm trying so hard to make things good just to in return get talked about in front of my son. Does anybody else know this struggle?!
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Comments
Hon, let it go.... BM and SF
Hon, let it go....
BM and SF is nothing to you, block them from your life, you do not need to deal with them, only your DH.
Find a place of happiness and peace and ignore BM and SF..... be yourself and always remember, you will never be SS mother, blood is thicker then water, you will always be the outsider...
accept it, and let it go... your only focus is your husband and your kids if you have any, SS is not your kid. You can only be a goo Aunt and roll model in his life, nothing more, this will never change...
Common misconceptions of
Common misconceptions of steplife: having boundaries with BM & co. means you're being difficult or not taking the "high" road. Girl there is no high road. It's a one track race and you're trying to let everyone win while BM is running over you to come out on top. Boundaries are healthy. Stop letting information go from one house to the other. If SS is reporting back to you what his other parents are saying then stop him. You don't need to hear it and he needs to learn to stop being a gossip. If BM is treating you that way in public then stop interacting with her in public! Me and BM can't stand each other but have to share space regularly--she stays on one side of that space (classroom/football field) and we stay on the other. As for the nasty text and emails, THIS is where the boundaries come in, stop it all. Email only! Text only in case of emergencies. She'll probably get rowdy at first but ignore that whore. More specifically your DH needs to ignore her, you need to block her number completely. There is no reason she should be talking to you. She can message her son's father if she has an important question about the skid's schedule or school/ECs info. You are just as responsible for letting them treat you this way as they are for doing it because you're telling yourself "being nice" means being BMs doormat. Stop that.
Your certainly not alone, and
Your certainly not alone, and I can promise, others have it worse.
but consider this:
When you first meet a person and they talk bad about someone, you wonder if its true.
If you meet that person they were talking bad about and find out its not true, then you question the character of the person who was talking bad about them.
Same goes for your step-son, his mom talks badly about you and DH, BUT he see's that your are morally not behaving like his angry mother.
He will grow up to learn his mothers character and in the end, he will question WHY she would say such things.
There was an old time poster
There was an old time poster here who's signature was "the high road gives me a nose bleed" It's hard to be the better person when you just keep getting knocked down for doing so.
I think YOU need to cut off all contact with BM and SF. Let your DH deal with them. If they are that bad, then I think the less you know the better is the best place to put yourself. And to be honest, they are probably acting like jerks, because they know it gets to you AND because they know they can. Cut them off.
How old is your SS?