"what else do you do to get relief" Wine and whine
I believe Aniki says it best "sometimes wine is just necessary"

I don’t know. I would love someone(s) that I could vent to about stuff. I am paranoid so rarely post much on here. I don’t talk about things in detail with my family because I don’t want them knowing the shit in my marriage and most of my friends are also mutual friends of my husband’s so it seems unfair to bitch there either. Other people I just don’t feel I know well enough to trust them with it.

I saw a therapist for a while over the summer and was able to talk to him a bit, but even then I was watching what I said to some extent in order to prevent being judged. It was good to get some stuff off my chest (and the summer was particularly stressful for me) and I was slowly getting more comfortable opening up, but he was useless as a therapist otherwise and so we stopped the sessions after a couple of months.

I hear you - I'm in a similar situation. Two skids and now bio-mom to a baby boy. If we split I would still have to be in contact and I'm kicking myself that I got pregnant to this guy. So much for being pre-menopausal (thanks doc!)

I love my wee guy to the moon and back but hell, if I could turn back the clock two years (or shoot, 8 years) I'd tell myself to get the hell out of dodge and find someone who didn't have all the emotional and financial baggage. I've stuck it out for 8 years now and I'm exhausted - and we have the teenage years just starting.

I'm too scared to post blog entries on here as I really am not a nice step mom - his kids annoy the crap out of me, I don't like them and if I had bigger balls (and this country wasn't so hard on single mothers) I would be out of here. Yes, I know I'm a crap person. Yes, I feel guilty about it. I've tried to like his kids and I just can't - the resentment is so hard to get around. I have tried doing things with them, I have tried teaching them stuff so we had a common bond - but nada. They are just not going to be people I would be friends with in a normal life. If they weren't around our life would be so much better - even DH has said the same. We thought that the parenting arrangement would change as the kids got older, but BM is very happy to take her maximum CS payments and have her weekends free thank you very much. Only another 8 years until we're free of CS payments and the court ordered arrangement!

I'm also conscious that if I left, my boy would be without a dad full time - and that would suck for him. Not to mention how hard it would be on DH - I think it might break him if he had another relationship fail with a kid involved.

I don't have any friends that are in step situations - or if they are, they have a wonderful relationship with the BM and get weekends free (we don't). So I trawl this site and reddit r/stepparents for situations that are worse than mine, just to make me feel better. Not sure if that all helps, but at least you know there are others out there in the same boat!

Edit: Oh yeah, and I agree about the wine. A lot of it. Definitely not a great coping mechanism, but needs must!

I understand this. This used to be the only place I could really vent and even then it wasn’t much because I am an engaged stepmom and disengagement seems to be the buzzword around here. Then I met Stepmom2 and she’s become my go to. Having someone I can call, text, meet at the gym who not only gets the difficulties of split households but can conmiserate about the same BM is a blessing. Sometimes I used to question if I just had too high of standards for BM to meet but now I see I’m not asking for much, she’s just a slacker in the Mom department. I felt alone and that everyone was fooled by her SocialMediaMom posts until Stepmom2 came along and started pointing it out to me. It’s a relief to know I’m not alone.

Ladystark, Starky..... blog and go crazy, so what if unknown virtual woman tells you, you are off your rocker or pick you apart?
You simply sit behind your laptop screen, give that poster a middle finger, take a sip of wine, eat a bit of cheese and ignore....

You have support here, Hon. And it helps to reflect back on old blogs and re read the advice or picking apart, if you are less hurt and emotional you sort of see it differently, that helped me allot ..... sometimes advice sounds bitchy and negative, and if you go back after a month that same advice is very helpful.

Then never ever speak about your step issues with living people who knows your name, it always get a tail or 2 and at the end you look like a bitch in real life, nah if other people ask about step life, smile, tell them no problem, kids will be kids, chance the subject and come and vent here...

I have NO ONE around to whom I can vent except here online. It sucks. Wine is my sidekick.

I have a friend who lived on the same street as my skids when they were growing up. She knows more about them and my BM than I do. But when I talk to her she always wants to know what is going on with them. Sometimes we sit on the couch with a drink and laugh are butts off. She can't believe some of the stories and always says why would they do that. My response every time is because they are morons. What can I say. It does help talking with her and venting. Sometimes that is all it takes to get thru the madness with some skids.

I don’t post much either. About a year and a half ago when I was really going through it, I became a mod on a stepmom group on fb. It was small at first and there were a bunch of other midwestern girls that I thought I would get to meet in real life.

Nope. Soon as I started mentioning ultra crazy bm and bad kids, I was told that I should try harder, pray, blah blah bullsh!t.

The group ballooned to over 800 members but a few of us started doing group messaging/video chat on Zoom. You don’t have to show your face if you don’t want to, but it makes all the difference if you do. Out of the four of us original girls, two have left the relationship, yet not our lil sisterhood/virtual support group. It’s a lifesaver to connect and spill your guts with people who get it!!!

I am glad I found Steptalk. It gives me confidence and assuranc to know I am not alone.
I have considered starting a meetup group for my area but I have so little time as it is.
However sometimes physical interaction is needed. Writing can be unidimensional and without other cues misinterpreted.
I do have a friend who was a SM for a year. She understands somewhat but still cannot grasp some major things about being an SM. Her situation was different than mine.
A problem you run into with a physical group is that anybody who knows BM/DH/skids can walk in to see you rantimg. Like Acra said the internet provides for anonymity you can post and move on.