Christmas with the SD and BM
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The last 2 Chritmases we have spent with youngest SD, her family and her BM. When it comes time for the gift exchange (with everyone gathered round the tree), the BM receives gifts worth hundreds of $ from the SD while my DH and I receive very obviously inexpensive gifts worth maybe $20 at the most. SD never thanks us for the gifts we give her. I fully realize that it is the gift that counts, and the sentiment it conveys. We always spend a lot of money on everyone present, not slighting anyone. Any suggestions on how we should have handled these situations, other than not attending?
I wouldn't spend so much on
I wouldn't spend so much on BM. I don't know how old the youngest SD is but maybe she can do a few chores and get paid an allowance so she can buy her mom, DH, you, and anyone else xmas presents. That would even the playing field for sure. BM can't get upset with her own daughter picking out the present for her, in fact, it might make it more sentimental. This would also nip the ungrateful attitude the BM displays regarding your generosity.
This SD is 37, is married
This SD is 37, is married and has 2 children! It is the SD that is not gracious!
ah...wow! That puts it in a
ah...wow! That puts it in a completely different light. My mother who has stepsons with wives do the same to her. They spend a lot on their BM/MIL and not near as much for their BD and my mom. Currently, she doesn't spend so much on their presents and keeps it around 20 dollars however she splurges on her step-grandkids.
It could be a lack of not knowing you and BD as much. If SD has a very close relationship with BM then she would know more what to get her. This scenario doesn't excuse the blatant insensitivity on SD part but it could explain things.
Perhaps you can make an Xmas list for you and DH and send to all. After this Xmas if its still apparent SD is discriminating then I wouldn't do Xmas day with BM again. Do a separate thing at your place or somewhere else with SD. If SD asks why just tell her you have other Xmas day plans with DH and your family and follow through with it. Good luck!
I know how you feel. SD 20
I know how you feel. SD 20 gets her BM a few really nice gifts. For instance last year she got her BM a mothers ring, a set of expensive perfume, and a nice blouse. She got DH and I matching sleeping pants. Her BMs gifts equalled about $300.00. Ours equaled about $15.00. Dh notices but says he doesn't care, he's the dad. Like that makes it okay, like it's okay to treat dad like shit and put mom on a pedestal? That's how BM raised them though. I teach my kids the opposite. I teach them to adore their father and their mother.
It sucks to get slighted in that way. We've started not spending as much on her as we do on the others. When she fusses about it we just tell her it's because shes older and can understand that we don't have alot to give.
Don't you just love the
Don't you just love the holidays? A perfect forum for passive-aggressive tactics. I've often thought the worst family relationships are a toxic blend of obligation and animosity. As a SM, I don't give a hoot about my SKs giving me something. But I do expect them to treat DH the same as their mom. He's the one who raised them. (they are 16 and 20). Ziggy, your SD sounds like she still has resentment toward her dad and you.
So true LizzieA. My adult
So true LizzieA. My adult sk's have a very short memory indeed where Christmas and birthdays are concerned. I don't care much if I get anything from them, but a card at least for their father would be nice! Their mother is usually taken out for a meal and generally made a fuss off, which I know hurts my dh but he still won't admit it.
I do think resentment plays a part, punishing their dad for daring to move on from a broken relationship. It's a funny old world.