My MIL recently said she hates that BM isn't a good parent to skids. I said I hate that DH didn't use a condom. LOL

I have those moments where I wish DH didn’t have baggage, too. You’re not alone in these feelings.

ETA: Per DH, BM informed/begged him to not wear a condom because she was on birth control. Blam-O, BM gets pregnant, her very old school father demands a shotgun wedding, DH packs his car and moves cross country to “do the right thing”, and ends-up staying married to a verballly/physically abusive, habitual cheater way longer than he should have. Then you’re stuck with a high-conflict GUBM. It’s hard to not feel resentful every now and again.

There were times that I would get so mad at DH for his past. It's so frustrating because he said he knew he should not have kids but he went and did it anyway. Well, thanks for that.

I have those moments as well and I rarely even see DH's kids or BM. But they are like the elephant in the room...

((HUGS))

Same. Here.

So frustrating. And when I hear stories about anything I just sit there stunned wondering what the f*** he was thinking even talking to this person, let alone being sexual with her... It gets my feathers in a ruffle whenever I think about it...

Or the debt she left him with being the primary strain on finances... I mean her debt is more than ALL my bills for the month... And that includes the phone bill I pay...

She pulled some serious blinders... And it makes me seriously pissed.

Oh it's frustrating. Didn't bother me all that much in the beginning, although I did think her? Really? I thought she must just have a great personality or something ..... boy was I wrong. But yah when she's working hard at making our lives hell its really hard not to hate him for being such a dumb@ss ... though I'm pretty sure he feels the same way.

My DH’s Ex was the pretty snot cheerleader. He got her pregnant (allegedly) so they got married. She cheated on him from day one but he refused to see it. She never worked, kicked him out of the house and moved her newest boy toy in then he let her get everything in the divorce.

We met got married and that’s when she became meth ex, she went off the deep end crazy drug addict who put us through hell for 7 years while we tried to raise SD. Now we tease him that he could still be with that craptastic hot meth mess.

Im 3 1/2 years into this, and still resentful that SHE (BM) had kids and I do not. She is indeed the GUBM, and I definitely am also having one of those "I wish he did not have all that baggage!!!!" days.

We are trying to buy a house. I am getting my half of down payment gifted. He is working on his debt load. We are buying it together, of course. But of course there is always "her" in the background, wanting this and that. Im afraid that if she thinks we have to money to buy a house, will should have more money to give to her. Her boyfriend has moved out (she kicked him out), and now she is all alone by herself.

So - I hear you. Its Baggage Tuesday folks.

I don't have to think about how I hate that SO knocked up BM. He himself says it all the time LOL

There are days I'd like to smack my DH in the back of the head for believing BioHo when she said she was on BCP. OMFG.

WHEN will men start bringing their own equipment to the game and STOP believing these beeyotches??? Maybe when women stop using pregnancy to get a man. If I was a man, I'd seriously consider blow-up dolls or the Back Door...

Awe, I think we have all been there. The thought just makes my skin crawl. Why HER? Literally ANYONE would have been better. ANYONE.

I'm sorry. You are almost to vacation! Focus on that!

Dd3's dad got BM pregnant in the first month of knowing her . I admit she is pretty. She is also mean, stupid, and terrible with money .

This Post couldn't have come at a better time, A LONG with the ESP Post.
But yep- I think we are all wondering you stuck your whatever in that? Yikes...
Now Ill admit, when BM was younger she wasn't a bad looking cat...now wow, she is brooke shields gone man, very tall but VERY VERY Androgenous...mind you BM is about 6ft and SO is about 5'7- Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise lol.
He too new it was wrong to marry BM, but I guess when you want to get laid...she wouldn't do the deed unless he put a ring on it...Now this was a very expensive lesson for SO- I'd have a better time understanding he went to a hooker than that- in fact, in some strange ways I wish he would have so I wouldn't have to deal with this...eventually hopefully all the BS will come to an end for us...thanks for the funny stories everyone has shared so far

DH did his best to hide BM from me. I grew up with DH's sister and knew his family but DH never brought BM around, he always came to visit by himself. He didn't even bring the thing to the military balls, he would go alone while he was married to it. I asked him why, he says he was embarrassed by her and couldn't stand her. So how did my lovely husband end up married to the crazy thing? Alcohol, lots and lots of alcohol and catholic guilt. DH was alcohol dependent at one point in his life and this is when BM got her claws in him. She followed him to whatever club he was going to and would buy him drinks all night until she started looking good. My dumb, then alcoholic DH fell for her claiming she was allergic to condoms but was on BC. She was pregnant within 2 months. DH didn't speak to her for awhile and thought he would just disappear but was deployed to Iraq and made a promise to god that he would be a good man if he survived (he barely did- he was injured in combat). He came back, was put on a butt load of psych meds for ptsd and at that point, finally gave in to marrying BM. He describes his wedding day feelings as dread and he just wanted to get it over with. He says he thought he might grow to love the thing since they had unwanted skid at that point.
DH says he was miserable throughout the marriage and everytime he told the dr's at the VA, they would add another medication. DH, in his 20's had a pill dispenser like an 80 year old, for all his psych meds- that is how BM tricked him into skid 2 and why they stayed married 7 years. They were in marriage counseling over half that time, DH could barely remember anything until one doctor started weaning him off of meds. It took 2 years for DH to be weaned off enough meds for the fog to lift and he says when it did, he looked at the thing he was married to and was like, What the hell have I done????? Divorce came soon after. I doubt they would have made it past 2 years if DH wasn't on psych meds.
Yep, I definitely can't understand how DH was ever attracted to such an ugly thing. People have asked if she was born with genetic issues- an extra chromosome. She is hideous, walks like a man, looks like a linebacker. I have trouble seeing how she would have even been attractive with alcohol. DH says he wish he could go back and knock sense into his younger self. The thing is also nuts- several inpatient psych stays and electroshock therapy. She is also on a butt load of psych meds. All females in her family have mental issues- I am sure skids will too. I told DH, I refuse to deal with my mother with psych issues so I sure as hell will not be dealing with his kids' psych issues- I would much rather be single. There will never be crazy ass skids with mental issues moving in here- nope, their mom can deal with that nonsense or DH can get an apartment and deal with that away from me. I would probably save money that way too.

The BM here is totally indifferent to DH like she was for 15 yrs of their marriage. We seldom had problems with her because she did what she wanted so it was business as usual for DH before and after the end of his marriage to her.
I once asked him why he married her when they are so different. He said that at the time he thought he was in love. And maybe this is what a lot of DHs thinks. They 'loved' BM. But they really didn't know what love is. They were bound by guilt or going along with everyone else getting married. Wanting kids. Happy they got a regular sex partner. Got out of their craptastic room mate situation. She liked his dog. In DHs case he was dating 2 girls and BM was the better financial option as the other girl was lots of fun and made him very happy but her finances were always in a hot mess. BM was working in a secure job and attending college and paid her own bills and was always up to date etc.
DH said if he had met me back in the day he would have chosen me in a flash. I said he would have had to give up smoking (never dated a smoker, just my line in the sand). He said I would have been worth it. So there you have it. I am better than a cigarette! LOL!

I have straight up asked FH what he ever saw in BM, she is a mean ugly person. She treats people horribly, she calls her own mother a b*tch, makes fun of their weight, looks, etc. And she is NO prize!! I do not understand........

I hate that Dh managed to work 3 jobs and "give" Bm everything short of a wedding in less than 3 yrs (house, kid, vacations, etc) and it has taken us over 7 years just to get married and have a house of our own instead of renting a crappy apartment. Haven't been on vacation since our honeymoon and before that the last vacay we went on was 6 years ago. Meanwhile we get to hear from ss about his annual trips to Disneyworld and waterparks, go-cart tracks, etc with BM. Dh can't afford his CS, medical for ss that bm doesn't contribute to, and the gas expense for all the driving on visitation days so we can't afford a child of our own. All it would take is dh getting into a car accident and totaling his vehicle to ruin us. I thought his new job would help but he is SO bad with finances all it has done is give him more available time to spend money he doesn't have. I also hate NEVER being able to plan a fun event or plan on going to a concert or anything without looking at the gd calendar to see if its a gdamn visitation weekend/day or not. I tried to plan something 6 months in advance once...and it was on a visitation weekend. And no, BM will never switch weekends. Oh, and I might add ss is always up dh arse every. visitation. day. We've had a schedule for over 3 years now and it's still all "gumdrops and unicorns" when he is over. I start dreading visitation days/weekends as soon as our weekend is over. SS never has to go more than 3 days without seeing DH, which means I can never plan any 'surprise get-away' trips because we have to be home for visitation the following Monday. Rant over.

I wondered too what the heck SO saw in BM. She's heavy (and he told me she had gastric bypass years ago but she's still big) and mean. I think his self esteem was really low back then. He knocked her up and his aunt guilted him into it (according to him). She told him that his (deceased) mom would have wanted them to marry (his mom was very religious). He says he was never in love with BM and was unhappy on his wedding day. Then they go and have a 2nd baby - ugh. He tried to make it work, he says, but she's just impossible to live with.