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I see the holidays are arriving...

Cover1W's picture

Submitted by Cover1W on Mon, 11/27/2017 - 6:11pm

I'm not really a big holiday person, never have been.
I'd prefer to hole up alone with DH or alone with myself and have a good read or watch a movie, have some good food, drink and a quiet couple of days.
This also drove my family a bit nuts because I just saw a lot of falsity and a day of "good feelings." Note: mother is a narcissist.

Anyway, DH and I have each Thanksgiving alone (we just got back from London - a great trip!) and this year had a whole week to ourselves. Even though BM has them for the whole week, she rarely does and only takes them the Wednesday afternoon before Thanksgiving day.

We have them for two weeks during the Xmas season. SD13's bday is also a week before so it's a crazy mess of I want, I want, I want and I'm done with it before the end of December by far. At least DH has a rule that SD13 cannot mention Xmas before Thanksgiving week unless we all want to discuss it.
This year even SD11 is done with it already.

Last year was a fiasco so this year I've done well disengaging from the holiday.

* I removed all my heirloom tree ornaments from the boxes and set those aside for a future holiday. Too many destroyed in the last couple years.

* DH knows I'm only making one cookie batch, my favorite, to give out at work and to have a few at home. No one else eats them. DH told me, "You're still mad about last year aren't you?" Me, "No, not mad, just resolving it for myself." DH, "Well, maybe I'll make cookies this year!" Says the man who I've never seen make cookies in the 5 years we've been together. I simply told him the SDs can make whatever they want. DH, "You really like cookies don't you?" Me, "That's not the point." (basically my traditions were thrown under the bus last year so it's not about the cookies)

* I won't coordinate everyone getting to the town's tree lighting. Last year I was out there alone while DH and SD13 stayed in a cafe...THEY wanted to go.

* I keep to my limit of gift giving like last year which is ok with me.

* I don't help DH purchase or get gifts, but I give him some ideas and I help wrap.

* SD13 wants to decorate our house A LOT for the holiday. I refuse to spend my $ on more than I already have. I told her and DH they are welcome to do so. DH, while we were in London, was making noise about getting some decoration for the house. Great, we'll look. But as we were out and going by places with holiday items, he didn't want to. Because he wanted ME to do it. I didn't fall for that and thus, we left without decor.

* I told DH he's in charge of putting up and helping decorate the tree this year. It's been me and the SDs alone the past 3-4 years and I'm done with that. Esp. now that my ornaments are removed.
I won't help put it up but I'll help take it down.

* I again won't cook the holiday dinner, but I will make dessert.

It seems like such overkill but it's so overwhelming that I just get exhausted with all of it. I can do some thing that I want but within reason. The expectations are too much. I work a lot. It's busy then and I cover for other people so that's not an excuse, but it's a good reason.

...the intensity will start this weekend I'm sure as the SDs will put up the tree and the holiday town tree lighting is then too.

Comments

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Mon, 11/27/2017 - 11:13pm

I hear you. If I don't give a hand in decorating, it doesn't get done. After one of my antique family ornaments was broken, I packed them up and LOCKED them up.

I will cook ham and pie because I love my husband. The rest is on him. Last year we had no tree, no decorations, no 'fun' activities. This is what happens when Evil Aniki disengage. }:)

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Tue, 11/28/2017 - 12:53am

I have one simple rule - you want decorations, you do it and remember to clear it after .. you put it up you take it down..

guess what no one does it, I do it alone, the way I want and I clear it myself Wink

strugglingSM's picture

Submitted by strugglingSM on Tue, 11/28/2017 - 2:00am

This year is our first year with our own tree (we lived in an apartment before this and only had a small tree). My parents just shipped me all my ornaments and I don't even want SSs to touch them.

I had some fall decorations out at the house. I went back home alone for a few days over Thanksgiving break while SSs were at our house. I come home and one of my fall decorations is broken and DH "can't remember" what happened to it.

Also, I have no say in holiday traditions. I'm just expected to go along with DH's, while also managing things like decor, lights, etc. As we were driving up to our house this evening, DH says "everyone else in our neighborhood has their lights up!" Um, that would be two other houses have lights up. I've told DH that I didn't want him putting up a ton of lights and he told me, too bad,because it's his family tradition. That's fine, but he can get the lights himself and put them up himself. We'll see if that happens.

Cover1W's picture

Submitted by Cover1W on Tue, 11/28/2017 - 11:39am

I advise you to NOT put out any decorations that mean anything to you.
The first holiday we were together DH took it upon himself to help out and put away the tree.
This meant taking off as many ornaments as he could "find" and throw (literally I think) them into a paper bag. Many broken there.

Then take said tree and throw it INTO THE WATER (we live by a live body of water) with whatever ornaments remain on it.

That was year 1.

secret's picture

Submitted by secret on Tue, 11/28/2017 - 7:36am

lol... not a fan either.

I have 2 trees, with all the trimmings...I also have a couple rubbermaid tubs with various decorations in them for walls, banisters, doors, etc... when my youngest turned 10, that was the last year I did Christmas decorating stuff.

Last year, I brought up the trees (both pre-lit) , connected them together, and told the kids to have at it. They spread out the branches, put the balls and decorations on... they took the stuff out of the bins and decorated the banister, front door, put up sticker things in the windows, little figurines everywhere...

They started mid-November.

after Christmas, I told them it was up to them to take it all down... and their faces fell... they thought I was just going to clean it all up. Took them a few days to put it all back... I disconnected the trees.

This year, not one mention of decorations yet.... lol

I make a nicer than usual meal... bake a little... but I don't do anything special.

DH did put up some lights this year.... first time I've had lights up in...oh... ever.