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....continuation 2

Cover1W's picture

Submitted by Cover1W on Fri, 07/26/2024 - 4:28pm

So H is back.

I have no fear he's going to hurt anyone at all. So I am safe, 100%.

He has spoken with his therapist 2x - and will likely continue with her several times a week for now. We don't think hospitalization is needed at this point. He agrees he is not in a state of suicide at this point, even though it's still in the background for him.

He has come clean about things I didn't even know about, not directly related to the sex addiction but more family background and what likely impacted him to this day. He's even told his younger sister. He's no longer maintaining silence. He has had a double life; hiding his feelings, his compulsion, his history, his family issues, etc. from everyone. It's much bigger than just the addiction. He is living with what he's done and he's actively reaching out for professional help.

He has been answering all my questions, I believe honestly. However, this is still not reconciliation but just review at this point. I'm still seeing my therapist, he his, and will be meeting with his psychiatrist hopefully next week (and possibly changing his psychiatrist).

He is aware now how far gone I am. He knows I have house sale documents ready to go and am half-packed. He is crystal clear on this as am I. He knows things are not going to be like they were - he must take 100% responsibility for himself  -  I'm not helping him live.

Having the separation in the house is the best thing and I'm lucky our house is set up for this very well. I have plans with friends all weekend I'm looking forward to.

Whatever comes of this, I know I'll be ok because I'm strong. I need some time to sift through my OWN issues and feelings and hurt and allllllll that too.

Comments

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Submitted by notsurehowtodeal on Fri, 07/26/2024 - 6:05pm

I admire you so much! You are handling this so well by paying attention to both the practical and the emotional. Please continue to keep us updated, you have been on my mind. I hope you can enjoy your weekend with friends.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Fri, 07/26/2024 - 9:15pm

^^Everything that notsurehowtodeal said. {{{HUGS}}}

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Sat, 07/27/2024 - 8:56am

Professional with a MD after there name. He needs a treatment plan. To follow.  His feelings why he the way he is [ family child hood]. May factor into his problems or may not. That's why they are tge professions.  You don't what to go through life feeling you didn't do enough if DH actually hurts himself,. you want that on your conscious, for the rest of your life.  You whant to feel you did all you could do.  Take that from me.   You will sleep better 

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Mon, 07/29/2024 - 8:30am

Give rose

Sex addiction to justify adultery. I don't think so.  

Nea

He can bare his soul all he wants. Just no. IMHO.

I put this in the same category as so many pseudo science syndromes of the moment that  the pseudo sciences tend to make up to justify their existance, to make their clients feel good about themselves and to avoid accountability and owning their characterless bullshit.

That said, a truly good therapist is worth their weight in gold.  Mine during my divorce was a God send and a miracle worker in her support and counseling of me during those gut wrenching months.  

It is not rocket science. You do not dip your wick in any wax other than your mate's, or let anyone other than your mate dip their wick in your wax. Of course if you are single and want to mingle, that is an entirely different situation.  Though even then it should be a given that you are good to your partners while dating.  There is no need or justification in being a diabolical dick to anyone.

My X had a wick problem. I would not justify it as an addiction. She was devoid of character and was a cavern crotched serially adulterous skank whore who would ride  or gobble any knob she could wrap any of her orifices around.  She was just about completely frigid within the context of our marriage. I can count on less than the fingers of two hands the number of times we were fully intimate in the 2.5 years we were married. Deducting the 4mos from that tally calendar that she had moved out before the divorce was final does not improve the picture significantly at all. 

Though she was not a virgin, she expressed that she wanted to be abstinemt until our wedding. So, a year of dating and a 6mo engagement was also just about intimacy free.  When she played the D card she shortly there after started expounding on how we could date and have sex even after the divorce was final. By then I was clear, she had no interest in monogamous sex wile we were married, I had no interest in risking an STD during or after the divorce. She moved out of our recently purchased "marital" home and in with her geriatric Fortune 500 excutive sugar/baby daddy then got all butt hurt when she showed up at the house the next day to find re-keyed locks, a newly installed high impact glass storm door, me answering the door wrapped in a towel, and a beautiful blonde young woman wrapped in a sheet standing behind me when XW was banging on the new high impact glass storm door.  Sorry, you made your choice. Buh-bye.

Somehow, this made me mean.

Unknw

Take care of you. I applaud your measured and calm approach to ending this travesty.

la_dulce_vida's picture

Submitted by la_dulce_vida on Wed, 08/07/2024 - 4:19pm

I'm with Rags on this.

I would be very wary of him offering up childhood traumas at this point. Even if they did happen, the timing seems like an attempt to garner some sympathy and mercy because "he couldn't help it."

We are ALL responsible for addressing our childhood traumas and not use them as an excuse for terrible behavior.