Sue gave me real advice that caused me to turn my life around. I am sure I am not alone.

"We do *not* take into account the length of time a user has contributed to this site; this isn't a balancing game." Why isn't it a balancing game? This is what bothers me. If I'm understanding this correctly, a long-time, helpful user can be banned for violating the TOU one time. Everyone can have a bad day and violate the TOU.

If you would consider granting leniency to some on the list, I know I am not the only one who would be grateful.

I have a question. I know some people that you have blocked have been really mean and I do believe love to tear others down to make themselves feel better. This is just my opinion, some of those you blocked may have not been the nicest but some you did were truly helpful. For example RosaluOsliar she was tough and very direct with me but I never thought her comments to be hurtful and extremely negative. I did like her advice a lot.

I am curious those you have blocked is there anyway they can be allowed back but the warned that if they continue their bad behavior will be permanently blocked from this site? Maybe a warning will do wonders for these people and maybe it will not but some that you did block I really appreciated what they had to say.

This makes me sad- I received invaluable advice from some of these Steppers especially Echo and GrannyGoose. I hope they come back in another guise. Posts on social media can often be misinterpreted and although people shouldn't feel uncomfortable, it does sell itself as a venting site. People say things they shouldn't when they vent- which is the point isn't it?
Are we saying that any post is ok- but the responses are not?
We are all grown-ups- I feel I could deal with anything thrown at me- a few negative or even personal comments are not going to put me off, but the harsh truth told with wit and experience has certainly helped me in a way no other site has.
I hope things get back to 'normal' soon.

I don’t know if all of them have been blocked but I do see the reason why some of them would be blocked. Some had good advice and helped but IMHO, they ran off WAY more posters than they helped. Some of the vitriol and hatefulness in their “helpful” post were uncalled for. There is no reason to make someone feel small and stupid when trying to help them.

Now a few of the names on the list, I cannot for the life of me figure out why they would have been banded.

Hopefully the new site will have a function that a user can block certain people from posting on their blogs. That would stop a lot of the nastiness.

"When it comes down to it, we expect our users to behave in a decent manner or to not interact at all." i do agree with this. i don't agree with flat-out banning, hopefully the potential blocking feature on the long-in-coming site will reduce some of the bad feelings between some posters. i'll keep the rest of my opinions to myself on that matter.

if anyone banned is still reading - miss ya'll.

Agree with Willow2010 above.

Though some of those posters had great advice, some could not get that advice across without calling someone stupid, making fun of them, or just writing some really purposefully insulting comments and/or getting on the insult train with others.

There's a big difference between offering up advice that might not be pleasant to hear, and telling someone they're too stupid to see the red flags in front of their face. Berating someone for the choices they've made that have landed them here to begin with, and then calling that same poster a crybaby when they're upset at the belligerence thrown their way is never a welcoming atmosphere...it has run off several new members, and continues to be un-helpful to older members who might have to learn from their mistakes despite warnings offered.

Some I'm sad to see go - but some I'm grateful. I'm not a fan of being called names, insulted for no other reason but to be made fun of or get a reaction, called a liar, told my advice sucks or shouldn't be looked at because I posted about a completely unrelated situation weeks ago.... none of that is necessary, helpful, constructive, or even just...decent.

I understand that some people have a poor dynamic between them, some people will just ignore each other and their posts just because... and that's fine... the block feature will be great, but it will really separates those who are genuinely trying to provide a different perspective, advice, feedback, and those who are really just here to commiserate with their "friends" by providing that literal division between the "groups".

Anyway - thank you for taking the time to hear user grievances.

A good majority will be back with new user names. It's the cycle of stalk.

I'll be honest, I know that sometimes I can be a bit direct? blunt? and definitely quite sarcastic, but there is a difference in being direct and being a downright jerk. I'm actually surprised SueU2 got booted as I have NEVER witnessed her being rude, name calling, fighting etc. but I guess it could have happened. Impossible for any one of us, to see every single comment that has ever been made.

There are a couple however, who I'm glad are gone. they said some pretty awful things to me in a stupid O/T political post because I dared say I voted for Donald Trump. And I do mean awful things. I RARELY flag or report anyone, but that day I do remember reporting a particular poster. But that was at least 6 months ago and nothing was done until now. Like Gimlet said, it tends to make flagging and reporting less meaningful.

Oh well, I understand the admins here do have busy lives like the rest of us and don't have time to be babysitting grown ass adults 24/7. If people would just follow the rules and be decent human beings, we wouldn't have to go through these cycles.

Ya know, it occurred to me that we have a pretty big double standard going on here.

This site is founded as a venting/advice site about being a step parent. So, it's ok for people to come on here and call the BM's, SK's etc.. trash, ho's, monsters, cretins, pond scum etc. Bash away at people who are not necessarily members of this site. Hate on...

BUT, if someone calls out a poster on a bad attitude or poor actions, then that person is somehow in violation. TBH, while I am a SM, I see a few posters on here that seem completely tone deaf to their part in the problems they seem to have. They see everyone else as the problem when it's clear that they have created a lot of it and that their denial hurts them.

Then there are people that seem to have no empathy for anyone other than themselves and others who are pot kettle black situations when they claim others are trying to control things when in fact they are doing the ever loving same dang thing.

It's also tough because online you don't see facial expressions. You don't have all the facts and back story. Certainly I have said things that on paper might have come across harsher to someone than I intended. I certainly wouldn't want to be cruel, but I see some awfully cruel attitudes from people towards their skids that in truth might not be 100% well directed.

In any case, it is a double standard of sorts when the tone is set with the bashing of people off-site.. for on site posts to have some too.

I struggle myself with being a very sensitive person and my feelings are deeply hurt easily, perhaps even more than the average person. In a nutshell I know my over sensitivity originates from my childhood and is deeply ingrained. Not a excuse, just how it is. No amount of counseling has ever helped much but surprisingly, being on steptalk, has helped a lot. I don't post a lot but there's been a few times I've been told something that may have stung at the moment, but after some introspection, I come around and see what I may not have been able to see on my own. Now if someone was calling me names I'd probably just leave and not come back, so I do feel bad when that happens to someone else. I know it's just a internet forum but it's a very special one, she and I really appreciate its existence.

I missed the whole thing yesterday so I don't know what was said, but it appears it was the straw that broke the camels back for admin to take the measures of banning users. I have to respect their decision but it's still unsettling. Certain posters just grew on me after awhile.

Perhaps for the long time members hearing the same story over and over got a little old, and they lost their patience, which may explain some of the negative attitude toward certain posters. Sometimes there were insults thrown around unnecessarily and I've often cringed during those times and hoped the OP wouldnt be too hurt. I admire the ones who keep coming back in spite of the harsher comments.

I'm not sure what actually went down but I just hate to think that it may have been a troll post looking to ruffle feathers that started this whole thing.

Most of my fav people .... gone. Sob. At least Acra, Babybugged, and Gimlet are still here

I think there's a huge piece of the pie that's not being addressed here.

We self-moderate. It's not always popular, but everyone who has received a comment that they felt was inappropriate or which crossed a line had the option to delete it. If it was offensive, screenshot and PM admin.

But all these banter-chains (which, for some reason, I am *never* invited to...) could be deleted if the OP had a beef with it.

All of the comments that are just re-hashing, "Your SO sucks!" could be deleted.

Some posters like the drama of it all, and to them I say, "To each his own." But for the rest of us, if you don't like how someone manages their blogs, scroll on by.

Admin is not around much, and even if they were, I still think they should be dealing with crazy out of line situations, not banter gone too far, or a line in the sand that was drawn too deeply. And I personally have read most comments by most of the banned posters over the last seven years. Absolutely some comments were not useful, kind, or even ok. But that's life. Only a very very few people have been absolutely horrid, and they clutter up and derail blog whenever they get on STalk. Nothing like the numbers that have disappeared.

And for each individual poster, take some responsibility. If you don't like the way something is going, manage it. That's a life lesson as well, btw.

Ok, I must have missed something... seriously? That really sucks. That list, those ladies, have given some of the best advice this site has ever seen. And I have been her a LONG time.

I think it's entirely possible that some posters, (and I'm not calling out ANYONE specifically when I say this) have just been here, either too long or too frequently. Maybe they're having a bad day or a serious situation at home.... whatever. Maybe they're burned out. Maybe they've read so much about so many people's situations, that they've lost the ability to see things with objectivity. Maybe they're giving advice based on something they've been through but, it's just a slight version of what's actually being presented. Who knows for sure.

I never did like the gang up style that I saw here at times. I never understood the 'we are right and you are wrong, end of story' scenarios that cropped up from time to time. The straight up disrespect based on opinion alone, always bothered me. As did the vulgar name calling, when it occurred. Calling out posters based on bad grammar or punctuation, and then watching the pile on, was difficult. Calling new posters trolls, even if they really weren't (yes, I'm aware that some were, lol.)

Having said all of the above, I'm pretty sure that most of us, are guilty of committing one (or more) of these things. Unfortunately, some, seemed to make it their mission statement. I think that's when it becomes a problem for everyone. It prevents the site from being what it was always meant to be.... supportive.

JMHO.

I don't know why this time would be any different than any other time a mass ban has happened.

I have been here a long long time. (Like you) I know of at least 4 people on the list that have been banned before TWICE. One other has been banned once before. That is just the ones I know of. I guess that is why I am not as upset as a lot of yall. I figure they will all be back soon.

in the past, folks were banned for (mostly) solid reasons
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I remember that differently. But I am shutting up. I don't wanna get banned. LOL.

A couple of people on the banned list were totally obnoxious and told me (by name that I was a horrible worthless person (mostly because I did not have children) on multiple occasions. I never flagged them as I figured out that anyone with a sane mind knew that they were total aholes.

I just ignored them. I refuse to get in "pissing contests" with stupid aholes. I generally avoided getting in internet arguments with people on any level. I know who I am and what my intellectual assets are - not going to argue with idiots. I love the phrase “Never wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it.”

Some of those kicked do not surprise me one itty bitty little bit. The " mean girl " herd mentally had gotten thick as of late. I've been on this board for about 5 years ( I deleted accounts by choice to avoid too much being out there about my life ) now and seen plenty of catty behavior and mass purges.

You don't have to be a nasty B when you don't agree with someone and you can give your side/ point of view / wisdom without tearing someone apart. No one needs to be told their DH / life sucks and be called names by some pretentious know it all on the internet.
This board has helped me get through a failed blended marriage and then understand and grow into my new blended situation.

I hope those kicked take a long hard look at their behavior and how they treated others and understand why it was taken negatively.

Thank you, Dawn & the Admin Powers-That-Be.

There are a number of folk that are now not here that I will miss. Wish that perhaps I had better social skills so that I could ask for emails IRL so that we could stay in touch. (Blows anonymity to hell) I hate the sense of loss. Some of these folks have shaped my life for the better & I can no longer say "thanks" to them.

However, ... nonsense was escalating here to the point that I'd scan a post in the morning w/a thought to reply & when I returned at night the OP was already effectively eviscerated. Why bother sharing my thoughts after all?

Hijacking a thread "in fun" because you need a 'humor/friend-bonding break,' or you do not believe an OP, or they don't listen to you so they must be stupid/troll/other poster, or your job stinks -- is just horrid.

Diminishing.

(Yes, I failed out of Grammar Police Boot Camp).

So, hopefully, things can become a bit more even-keeled for a bit.

FYI IRL: [email protected]

I have not been involved as much as some of you, but have tried to lurky-loo, and follow most of your stories, including the now "Voldemort's" of STalk.
Some of those who have been banned, I have found refreshing and honest. Advice given sometimes needed to be said the way it was said. And I am very saddened by it, their advice sometimes was invaluable.
A select few...I have found liked to pick on the newbies or instantly scream "Troll/CREW" because the story wasn't plausible enough for their liking.

"It's not what you say, it's HOW you say it."
I have no issue with any actual advice given, but insulting someone outright from the gate is not the way to offer advise or even constructive criticism. Would you have a face to face conversation with someone, and if they called you or your SO a moron/idiot/stupid fool right to your face the very first time you met them? Would you even tolerate any further opinions from that person? Doubt it.