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How do you keep betrayal out of your eyes?

Cecilia's picture

Submitted by Cecilia on Fri, 06/23/2017 - 11:19am

My step daughters baby shower is tommorow. I still intend to go after all I am helping to throw it. How do I pretend nothing happened? How do I face my husbands family and his ex-wife with the knowledge that my world is falling apart? I internalize my feelings but those who know me well will see pain in my eyes.

Comments

ChiefGrownup's picture

Submitted by ChiefGrownup on Fri, 06/23/2017 - 12:22pm

Perfectly said ^^^^.

Do not put yourself through this.

Go take yourself to a spa or better yet a lawyer. Eff the gift and whatever food you had promised to bring. LET YOUR EVER-LOVIN' JERKFACE DH TAKE CARE OF HIS OWN DAUGHTER AND HER PARTIES.

Seriously, start that now. It's a new life for you. One where you get to make yourself happy and those people will have to manage on their own. It would be insanity to put yourself through this. Return the gift and keep the cash. Use xdh's credit card to make you happy throughout the day. A nice gift for YOU, an activity or adventure for YOU, your favorite food prepared by somebody else for YOU. Heck, hop on a plane and go visit your college roommate for the weekend. Stop sucking it up and start making Cecilie the star of her own movie.

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Fri, 06/23/2017 - 11:38am

As you will no longer be part of the family, I see no point in keeping up the charade.

Inform SD of the situation and tell her that under the circumstances, you feel it best if you do not attend.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Fri, 06/23/2017 - 12:25pm

THIS

twoviewpoints's picture

Submitted by twoviewpoints on Fri, 06/23/2017 - 12:11pm

How do you ad SD get along? I see no reason to keep the truth of her rotten father from the SD. Honestly telling her Dad is dumping you and leaving. She doesn't need the details.

But if you're close to this SD and she treated you all along the way with acceptance, respect and genuine fondness, I'm not sure I'd let Dad's nonsense spoil the day SD and you planned. Unless it's simply just too hard and then I'm sure she'd understand. No one would expect you to go ahead and do all this baby shower stuff if you're just not up to it.

The choice of what to do and/or back out is totally up to you. This man just brought the life you thought you were living crashing down around you.

My heart is breaking for you. Your first priority must be you and only you right now. If you feel you can't or no longer want to, just tell the SD. I'm really hoping this event isn't being hosted in your home. That is something I knw I totally could go follow through and host.

Silent14's picture

Submitted by Silent14 on Fri, 06/23/2017 - 12:17pm

I wouldn't go unless it's something you really want to do for SD. You don't owe his family anything. You need to do what's right for you now. If you need space from his family, then take some space.

Maxwell09's picture

Submitted by Maxwell09 on Fri, 06/23/2017 - 12:57pm

If you like your stepdaughter and you helped raise her then I can see maybe still going. What are the chances she will continue to be a part of your life and let you be a part of the baby's life now that your DH severed your connection to her? I know other people who aren't stepmom will tell you to just be the bigger person and go through with it, and even you might tell yourself there's still hope of y'all working things out so you should do it but reality is that this last little tie to your soon-to-be-ex is just a distraction from the bigger picture which you need to strap down and face. He's leaving...or your leaving... either way you have things to do: get your house in order of what you want, he wants; separate finances and separating bills such as car insurance, house, phone, etc. TELL HIM he needs to tell his daughter what's going on and that you have a gift for her to come pick up at the house but for obvious reasons HE or his next female relative will be stepping in your place. Don't kid yourself in thinking this last little deed will shine good light in your favor to them-it won't. Unfortunately that never happens for stepmoms.