DDs had a dance recital last week and YSD, OSD and SDIL were there with bouquets of flowers for DDs. I have been somewhat disengaged from the skids since their exclusion of our DDs (their half sisters) at their (large, expensive, not kid-free) weddings last year, so I didn't invite them. DH, however, has more than compensated for my lack of communication, and did invite them.

We all went out to dinner after the recital. Skids were charming and nice and DDs were thrilled they were there, as usual. OSD invited us to spend Fathers Day at their golf club. There will be a big fathers day brunch, then hanging out and swimming at the pool, and then DH was invited to play golf in the afternoon with the skids. Dh said we would love to, and DDs were excited to go. I said remember we had the cookout at my parents house. DH said oh that's right, even better, we can all hang out until their tee time and then since he will be busy all afternoon it's the perfect time for the girls and I to go to the cookout and spend time with grandpa. Look at how everything worked out so nicely!

Hmm. Well, while skids have kept DH at the periphery of their lives for years, we have made traditions. Fathers day starts with donuts, coffee, presents and cards for DH. Then we do something active like biking or bowling or hiking. Then we have a cookout, either at our home or my sister's or my parents. The skids are always invited but decline if it's not at our home, and only stop by for a short time if it is. Otherwise we see the skids at some point for a meal to drop off DHs present and card.

But just one word and the skids can change the tradition just like that. Just like Thanksgiving. Just like Easter.

We rarely argue. It's almost exclusively related to the skids when we do, and I have not won any skid argument lately. DH remains perfectly rational and calm, framing his arguments as win-win, while I get frustrated. How can I be mad about him missing Easter weekend when he will be there for Easter, the most important day, and with YSD for an important milestone the day before? How can I be mad we are going to YSDs house for Thanksgiving when my family was the one who changed the date and now we get to do Thanksgiving with both? How can I be mad about what he spent on their wedding gifts when he only used what we agreed from our joint accounts? And then from last night - How can I be mad about DH doing what he wants and spending time with all of his children on Fathers day when I did exactly that on mother's day?

I wanted to bring up mothers day but I knew that argument would end like all other skid arguments - with me not having anything to counter him with and nothing changes. It's pointless to even try, I don't know why I did this time. Rationally this change of plans should not bother me and I know that. DH gets to spend time with all of his kids. My dad gets to spend time with his kids and grandkids. But it does bother me.