I would tell him to not bother coming at all.

I hate gender reveal parties, never been to one but the idea of them is stupid (and on Easter weekend?). And no, it's not an important enough thing for him to back out of the plans he already had with you and the girls.

Ouch. I am really sorry about your husband's response. I feel almost bad admitting this, but since finding this site I realize how lucky I am with my DH. We were invited to SD's gender reveal this last fall (she set it up with 3 weeks notice) but we had long-standing plans and didn't even need to discuss it - we didn't change our plans for her gender reveal. So, we were the "assholes" who didn't show up but ask us if we care. We do not. She knew about our plans (we have texts to prove it). I get why she picked the day she did, but we just couldn't make it work, so Oh well!! We sent well-wishes via texts on the day of (they texted us the reveal pictures) and called it a day. No resentment, no regret.

It does sound like your DH is super attached to his other family. That would call for a long honest conversation in my book.

I never bothered with a gender reveal, I waited to find out what I was having to keep frivolous spending to a minimum. It worked. I'm a minimalist with an occasional splurge but wasting tons of money on a party to find out if your child is boy or girl is nuts especially in this day when it's common for kids to swap their gender identities like underwear. Whatever. Like the others have said, he's a jerk and being selfish. If it were me I have made a snotty comment that he paid so much money to get skids every other year holiday but in his intake family he just disposes of that time freely...for golf...How unfortunate he's choosing not to be a part of your family holiday but go, enjoy yourself, turn his number on mute and try and have a good Easter with your girls. If he asks how it went, just tell him Uncle Todd hunting eggs with them.

I'm so glad I read this blog. I was just on Facebook and all of the gender reveal posts/videos are driving me insane. Even the Disney themed ones are annoying the crap oit of me. :sick: :sick:

When in the world did this become the norm??

As terrible as it may sound, it looks like your husband is readdy to trade in his daddy cap for for a new shiny Grandpa hat. This may be the new normal for you all now that his older children are having kids of their own.

Chances are, by the time your girls are married and start having babies, he will be done with playing Grandpa.

I disagree with his choice on this one. I would worry that he is starting to dislike having two separated families and is forming some different thoughts to the ones you originally agreed to. I think it is a conversation that needs to occur, most likely with a therapist.

OH my, I first read the title and thought, how can you know not know what gender you want to be...then I realized you meant a baby.

Grandkids are a whole different ball game. I have 3 gkids and I can vouch for that.

Firstly, I do not have children, and am pretty immune to the kiddy stuff. I had to read a little bit to actually understand that a "gender reveal party", means gender of baby to yet be born, and not announcement/celebration of person switching genders. Is this really a common thing? I guess it just went over my head.

Secondly, I totally get that DH is wanting to connect better with Elder children, and had spent a bunch of time cooking Sader dinner item, and wanting to be involved in his Jewish Heritage. I can appreciate this, as do you, Mrs Zipper. However you had received a commitment from him, as part of your marriage contract. He agreed to love you and put you first. He fulfilled that previous obligation, and now needs to fulfill the current obligation. He basically does not WANT to. And he is doing what HE wants to with no regard for you or DD's feelings. It is ALL about him and what he wants and he that he can waltz along like this, is very telling of how he regards YOU and his youngest children.

Have a great time with your family, Zipper, and definitely have a strong conversation with DH about your feelings prior, so you know that YOU have tried.

"He says when important things come up we need to be flexible and that's what he's doing."

The birth of the grand baby is an important thing. Finding out the sex is not.

You have every right to be upset.

Let him do what he wants. It isn't really worth the battle. But do tell him that in the future you would appreciate it if he discussed plans with you first before confirming as you are his wife and especially because you two had previous plans.

Your H can be very persuasive when he wants something, can't he? He's presented his defection very tidily, making it sound so reasonable. No need to dwell on how rude it will be to flake on preexisting plans or how he'll be missing important family time with his younger children; he has an answer for everything.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Z. I have no advice. This is bad form, just very bad form wrapped in a pretty, patronizing bow.

Sometimes when people marry others from different cultures and faith, they think it's all good and dandy but many times those differences do manifest themselves eventually. And these differences sometimes are too fundamental.

I suspect that your Jewish DH agreed on raising kids Christian because religion is Important for you. I highly doubt he stopped caring about his own traditions even if he isn't religious. But why can't you all combine the events?

Your DH is being rude to you with all these ridiculous plans. I don't understand why you and the kids do not attend events in his older kids families? You don't need to be Jewish to participate. Do you not want to or you are Not invited? Why isn't he taking your kids with him?

If your kids are raised Christian, does it mean they can't share Jewish tradition at all?

BTW Easter egg hunt has nothing to do with Christianity.

YOu will not be able to change his mind, DH choose to be with his Ex family instead of his current family,

I'm a bitch, Easter or not, he wants flexibility - he will get it.....

First I will explain to my daughters they are not important enough to Daddy and he does not want to be with them on Easter and they should ask him about it.... then I will be flexible, I will get my whole family not to be at home on Sunday.... DH can sit in his car in front of a locked up house for hours.... I will not even answer my phone.....

OP, aren't your daughters teenagers?

It's kind of hard to imagine that teens will be upset that daddy isn't there to watch them color and hunt eggs.

So he has one set of children old enough to start having families of their own and one set still in elementary school????

This not going to turn out well for the younger kids.

here's what gets me. i think the older kids distanced themselves from dear ol' dad for a while. then he gets an invite to the wedding in exchange for a expensive contribution to their china collection, and he gets all giddy and excited that they finally wanted him around for something. so i think now he's going to jump at any invitation so they won't distance themselves from him again.

it's not the (imho, stupid!) gender reveal - if it was that, he'd go, then head to OP's family's Easter weekend after. but he was also invited out to the group dinner and also out to play golf. instead of finding a compromise or middle ground, he's jumping at any and every invitation because he's MORE afraid to "lose" them again and LESS afraid of how it affects his wife and younger children.

he will end up being their puppet ala Mr.StepAside (before *he* had a reality check). Mr. Zipper needs instead to learn to handle both sides of his family instead of asking "how high?" whenever his older kids say "jump."

As this thread goes on and new theories are postulated I think it comes down to good manners.

He made plans with MrsZ her family and their children. Along came another option, maybe a better one in his eyes, and he bailed on the first plans.

It is rude on his part.

If this was a skid, who'd made plans with the family and then ditched them because something that they thought was more fun was going on at BMs there would be hell to pay.

Blah blah blah

Everyone can come up with all sorts of excuses and justifications about his actions. None of that really matters. When it all comes down he just would rather spend his time with someone other than his wife and younger children. That would not be acceptable to me. But then I am not his wife.