Sd had her first Mothers Day with dh

Silly me expecting dh to want to spend the day celebrating me. I was obviously selfish and uncaring to question dh while he was running out the door on Mothers Day weekend. That whole, Where are you going, was un-thoughtful after sd lost her baby and has empty arms on her first Mothers Day. How dare I not understand that she needs him more than ever right now. They took balloons to the park and let them go in honor of the baby then went and had lunch to celebrate sd. I set us up a marriage counseling appointment and if things don't change I will be leaving. Last night I sat up waiting for him to get back so we could talk about what is happening and he didn't come home. He stayed with sd again.

Taris's blog
Log in or register to post comments

Comments

oh Hon.... you are wasting

oh Hon.... you are wasting your money on counseling.... I think you have to find a good divorce lawyer,
this will never change, and you deserve something better in life...

sending you hugs

I'm hoping we can fix this.

I'm hoping we can fix this. He was normal and a great husband until sd got pregnant.

I do hope that while you were

I do hope that while you were doing all this huffing and puffing waiting for your DH to celebrate Mother's Day with you, that you didn't let it spoil the day for your own children.

You are not DH;s mother, nor do you have children with your husband. The day in your home should be meant for you and your children in celebrating you as their mother and their appreciation of you. You don't need your DH for your children to celebrate with you or about you.

Did your kids and you at least enjoy the day together? I'm not saying your DH was right or wrong in where he went and what he was doing yesterday. What I am saying this that yesterday was a day for you and your children, not so much your husband.

My kids and I had a great

My kids and I had a great day. They made me breakfast and did yard work for me and we went swimming. It was a great day but i missed dh.

I understand your missing DH

I understand your missing DH and wanting to share the day with him.
Why did he need to spend the whole day with SD and the night too?

Two view points is right that the day was for you and your children and that you do not have kids with your DH. But same things applies...he does not have kids with SD. The whole situation seems very strange with the level of attention he is giving her at the detriment of your marriage. He should encourage her to seek help with a grief counselor that is trained to help her in this situation.

I do not recall your whole story. Has he shown this level of care to you at times you may have needed his full attention? Aside from this whole time recently with SD how is the overall marriage? Only you can know if it is worth fighting for and saving.

I do not have kids with my DH either. We have fur babies together. But this year he gave me a MD card on Wednesday as I was going to be away until Saturday night. It was very sweet. And he shopped for food on Saturday to make a nice crock pot roast for a nice meal Sunday afternoon. We spent most of the day together but he had to mow grass awhile to catch up with yard work. He even had to do some work calls in the morning. I thought about how it would be nice if he did not have to do those things, but just let it go.

Some men are just so useless.

Some men are just so useless. They just don't get it. Some time last year, I was in a pub with my DH and he spoke about the possibility of taking his daughters (who are now 22 and 20 I hasten to add) to visit his family in the north. I said "and why would you want to do that?" in a very icy tone, leaving him in no doubt of what my feelings were about this. My days of being abandoned whilst he plays Disney Dad with the SDs are well and truly over.

I'm with Echo, I didn't think

I'm with Echo, I didn't think you had any kids together and it sounds like your children had a great day with you so maybe I am off the mark but you aren't his mother so exactly why would he need to spend the day celebrating you?

Now that motherhood no longer

Now that motherhood no longer looms, is this girl planning to go back to school in the fall? Will her dad spend any time encouraging her to use birth control in the future?

The way her dad morphed into her eager toady and slave over becoming a grandpa under such circumstances I wouldn't be surprised if she gets preggers again in the next 18 months or so. It will be a repeat of a baby-daddy not interested and Daddy Toady to the rescue. I think these two want to raise a child together like mad. Ew.

I can see DH wanting to spend some special time with his daughter on MD to support her in her feelings about deceased BM and to spend some quiet time over what she's recently been through. But it doesn't have to be the whole day. Traditionally MD is a time for men to show their wives they appreciate everything they do to make their lives work even if the children in the house are too young to participate or too old and far to attend or if the kids in the house are not strictly theirs together.

When I was in my 20s my then bf (later married but then divorced) gave me mother's day card and flowers even though we had no children at all. I had been babysitting my 2 young nieces while my sister and dil were in Europe for 2 weeks. I was surprised by his gesture but very touched. The kids weren't even related to him and we didn't live together, either. But it was very nice to hear from your partner that they are noticing and admiring and appreciating.

There are many other stories with the same point. It is not unreasonable for OP to feel dejected that her dh had no thought for her on MD.

By the rule that men should only honor their own mothers or at least the mother of their own children on MD then he should not have been with SD, either.

Go to any restaurant on MD. It will be full of all kinds of men giving flowers and gifts to wives in addition to mothers. It's a cultural norm and op's feelings are not unusual.

"By the rule that men should

"By the rule that men should only honor their own mothers or at least the mother of their own children on MD then he should not have been with SD, either. "

Emotional support by her father in the fairly recent death of the young woman's mother and her very recent miscarriage.

OP is not going through adjustments of losing her mother or child this Mother's Day. OP has her mother can can celebrate with and she has her two children .

There is no "by the rule of" on this one.

Chances are he is thinking about your actions when BM died and when SD was pregnant. Those actions may have him reevaluating his decision to marry you.

You are a mother, and he is

You are a mother, and he is your husband, did he acknowledge you AT ALL?

If not, I think you have a problem.