Ahh the 11th hour kind of guy. This was a problem until I asked to be added to the team email. I get the updates such as time, location, etc. I double check with SS to be sure we are both on the same page.

I see no reason why you should bring SS to his game if you were not officially asked by DH. I have 2 BDs and 3 SDs. All are in sports. If anything needs to be worked out regarding attendance or transportation, it is between the parents of the child only. For instance, my older daughter is on a traveling cheer team. All those details about who will take her, etc. I work out with my ex. If my DH wants to go, great, if not, I go alone. This isn't your kid or your problem. You are being used

Agree with the above posters.
DH learned the hard way that I do not follow last minute directives and assumptions that I'll be the fall guy for toting SDs around.

If I am not directly involved in the planning (and on my terms if I am the only adult involved) or decision making then I'm not responsible for any of it. No last minute requests (unless necessary like sickness or a last minute work meeting), no DH "not feeling like picking up SD because I'm too tired," no "but I mentioned this to you last week" (but with no asking me if I would do it or final decision discussed...etc., etc., etc.

You are right, it's a matter of respect for your time and your individuality.

To get DH on the right page, I was firm and consistent.
I also do help out (with the above caveats) and sometimes even volunteer on occasion.
But I don't do others' bidding.

I had the same issue. I'm a planner and DH is last minute and "forgetful".

He'd even have the information for days and just not think to relay it to me until the last minute.

I've also recently told him if I don't get informed in more of a timely manner, I will not do whatever it is he is asking. And I use the word "asking" loosely. Usually it was "I NEED to you take SS7 today...or I NEED you to pick up SS tonight..." and I done it most of the time without even a "thank you" from DH. No more.

There should be a switch on our partners so we change flip on the consideration and planning.

Everyone has the same amount of time. Don't respect mine and you won't get any of it.

Transportation is between DH and BM.

Of course in an emergency you would consider helping but other than that, 1st falls into BM lap since she signed child UP and IF dh wants to help her then he can.

Not saying this is the case but I have known bm's who sign child up for everything under the sun on a year round basis. This action makes it almost impossible for a ncp to have a normal schedule for the child.

Which by the way it the intent of a high conflict parent. MAKE her do the pick ups and drops for her activities. Dad can plan his time on his terms NOT bm's terms.

SOMEONE must have a game schedule?? When I got BS7 baseball schedule, I took a picture on my phone and sent to MIL and my mom and some friends who like to come and watch him. It's really not rocket science. Why can't BM just forward the whole damn schedule so that you don't have to keep getting information piecemeal??

Better yet, if this is going to fall on you, the next practice or game that you take him to ask the coach for a schedule. I'm sure he'll have one.. problem solved then you don't have to rely on idiots.

I am a planner. Sometimes I get mad when DH doesn't give me info on things coming up before the last minute but then I have to remind myself that I am a really good planner and he is used to be having everything organized and ready. Well this year I put HIS name down for Soccer and Tball and told him if he wanted to go to a game or practice or if SS needed to be brought to one, it was up to him. He's been dropped out of both group messages at least once, has showed up to cancelled practices once for each, has missed one soccer practice because he was out of the group message and nearly forgot about pictures. He looks to me and I say, "you are an adult and fully capable of typing into your phone schedules" Sure he gets mad when I say this but he knows I'm right. He knows that I have no right/obligation to these sports and I go above and beyond for school and take care of most other things but communication with coaches isn't one of them. If BM can do it then so can DH.

Dupe