Little White Convertible for Winona SD17
Im so torn, that SD17 is getting a (new to her) vintage BMW convertible car for her 18th birthday. Yes, it is easy for a mechanic to get cars. We currently have 4 and a parts car and a boat. But still. This SD17 is lazy, rude, mean, selfish, dirty and so freaking unappreciative. Why shouldn't she have to work to earn this? Why not have her take the bus? She doesn't even have a license!!!
I asked SO what he would do, since she doesn't really know how to drive, what he would do if she got into an accident with that car - because with his name on it he is liable for everything. He simply said "if she 'lames out' getting a license soon after obtaining the car at 18th birthday, he will sell it. So it will be SD's fault because SO gave her the opportunity, so he is not the BAD DAD.
The flip side is that I want her to go out and get a job, do SOMETHING with her life, other than stay in her room doing, whatever, nothing. A car would help facilitate that, make her more independent, help her maintain a job, hopefully, so everyone would not have to shuttle her around all the time (luckily I am disengaged, so no rides from me), so that she can not have to beg dadeee for money all the time, or for him to have to buy her things.
Thus I am torn - between my desire for SD17 to be independent and productive, and between my desire to NOT see her rewarded for her laziness, selfishness, meanness and all around bad behavior.
Oh well. Is it normal these days for parents to buy the kids their cars? With no expectations? Do they put in child's name, or keep in their own? Do you give a kid a car when they have not even a license????
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I bought my kids cars-and
I bought my kids cars-and they all came with strings. Each car was $5000 or less.
Everyone had to have a job, everyone paid for their own gas. I insured it, and maintained it. They were responsible for keeping it clean and keeping the tank full.
They also had to run errands for me when necessary and they discovered that having a car and having the keys taken away is one hell of an incentive to keep on the straight and narrow.
In your case? I would not buy that child the car. She doesn't work, seems excessively entitled and not the least bit grateful.
Yes, she does indeed act and
Yes, she does indeed act and feel as if entitled. That has been apparent ever since I learned the meaning of the word as it applies to children.
She has indicated previously that she feels entitled in so many ways. Like when I ask her NOT to do something and she replies with "just so you know I was here first", or when she just assumes she can not help, and never offers to help, and complains when asked to help. And yet can eat the foods I prepare, without her help. Because she simply exists.
That is what we are hoping for - to provide incentive. She doesn't drink or do any drugs, and she doesn't go out at all with friends. But her lack of any kind of motivation is disturbing. She talks about "going away to college" right now, and I have to laugh. Without scholarships, shes not going anywhere but MAYBE community college. For what, we know not.
Thank you for your input - as someone new to this, it really helps. I think that is what SO has planned - a "car with strings attached".
Except for the fact that she hasn't shown a desire to get a job. Im not sure if she is aware of child support through graduation of high school into college, or not...
But SO has indicated that he will continue to support "his flesh and blood". Lets see him shell out the dough on a continual basis.
I won't give a car to a kid
I won't give a car to a kid who doesn't have a license, but that may be just me.
How is he going to title the car? If he titles it in his name, he has to put the car on his insurance. If he titles it in Winona's name so BM can insure it, he can't sell it if she doesn't get her license.
I asked him the same thing
I asked him the same thing the other day. I have the feeling he will keep title in his name, and have BM insure SD17. You can be insured driver for any car. I guess liability only. But I am not in the insurance industry, and he is a mechanic, so he knows more about the rules than I do.
It might be timing. In our state, if you are 18, you can get a "provisional license", and NOT have to take a mandatory driver class, which is expensive. He is giving her the car for a birthday present, and hoping she steps up to the plate and gets her license soon after, but after a bit of time, and no license, he will sell the car...
Car insurance can be
Car insurance can be complicated - especially if she is the full time driver of a car registered to DH. You may want to read:
http://www.carinsurance.com/child-divorced-parents.aspx
https://www.forbes.com/sites/barbaramarquand/2016/02/24/car-insurance-fo...
Personally, I'd want to double check with my insurance company if the car is registered in DH's name and she is on BM's insurance. Teens are prone to accidents.
ETA
Rules vary by state and insurance company. What the rule is for a part time driver on your car may not be the rule for a full time driver. I'd want to be sure my DH actually understood his liability (and mine since we have some joint property.)
Yes, he will have to do his
Yes, he will have to do his research first!
Thank you!
He will keep the car in his
He will keep the car in his name, apparently, and let her USE it. He is mechanic, and will maintain for her.
- NOPE. No permit, nothing, nada, zip, zero, zilch, niet.
- Its not considered classic yet - its 1990, but in a sort of uncommon body style, etc.
- I asked him the same thing - what happens if she totals it. its probably worth only 2-3k right now, so its not a huge deal if it is totaled.
- BM doesn't know yet. He is waiting to discuss. She is high-conflict, so he is probably waiting until the last possible moment to spring it on her.
- Hmmmm. Must research the liabilities. But yes, I agree- if an uninsured driver is driving car, the registered owner is on the hook, right? I tried discussing, but he has been vague.
She'll get the car and still
She'll get the car and still be allowed to lie around not working and not going to school. It's the way of the COD.
Hopefully it will incentivize
Hopefully it will incentivize her to get her butt out in the world, working etc...right now she has excuse - high school, and no license.
Why does it have to be a
Why does it have to be a vintage BMW? Wouldn't a newer car that has more safety features be better for an inexperienced driver?
This one was really really
This one was really really super cheap. He is a mechanic specializing in BMW Mini Coopers. BTW, its not exactly her dream car - she wants mini cooper, not bmw, but who knows? maybey this will "light the fire".
a "get the eff out car". we
a "get the eff out car". we can hope!!!
Just make sure DH keeps his
Just make sure DH keeps his word... if SD does not have a license the day she turns 18 - the car is sold.
SO bought Aergia a little cheap car, way cheaper then what she thought she would get and she only got her learners...
I do not have a problem with this lol... I picked the car, and we have the keys, I explained to SO what would happen if she's caught without a drivers.... Either it goes against his record, criminal for allowing an unlicensed person to drive his vehicle....he can loose his job.... or he has to report the vehicle as taken without consent... meaning Aergia will have a criminal record for car theft against her name age 17.
I handed him the laws lol - now there's no way he's allowing her to drive it. She's not happy about it, we give a shyt.
SO will pay the insurance and maintenance till she's 21.... then she's on her own. Oh I made sure he bought the car now, people with no drivers can't own cars, thus it can't be in her name, it's in his name... BM and Aergia can't sell the car without SO signing. Also if Aergia keeps on begging for the car to be in her name after 18, it's not allowed for SO to have it on his insurance, then the premium will increase 10 times....
Oh no, Acratopotes, SO is
Oh no, Acratopotes, SO is using the present to INCENTIVIZE her to get her license. He will wait a "little while", and then sell if no license happens. She couldn't get her permit at 16, because law states you must take expensive course. She turned 17 1/2 in September, but no one could/would get her Birth Certificate, so get provisional permit thingy. Now at 18, she doesn't have license, or know how to drive. AND get this: mommy and daddy have to shuttle her around because heaven forbid she WALK anywhere, or, gasp, TAKE THE BUS!!!! "The people on the bus are gross and weird".
LOL - you are BRILLIANT! I need to research and print things out for SO.
He tells me that he will keep the car in HIS name, so that it can be taken away if she does "something" (wink).
Clever - I feel the same way.
Clever - I feel the same way. My blood boils, then I realize its the ONLY way to get her out of the house, and into a life somewhere else, whereby she is not depending on dadeeeeeee.
I told SO, that she should be required to get a job, BEFORE CAR. BC. But, she turns 18, THEN a month later graduates. So the summer her license MIGHT happen. Then a job MIGHT happen. SO insists that she WILL be required to get a job.
Shes already talking about the college courses she Has to take. Not at all concerned about job hunting. Like college coursework will be an extension of high school whereby she gets to exist on our dime, not contribute, be a jerk, and SO will pay for it. And give her a car.
She will have a rude awakening. She cant even get her lazy butt out of bed for her father to drive her to school every morning. Don't know how she will handle, job and college and all the other stuff.
we helped buy lurch and oss
we helped buy lurch and oss each their own vehicles. the freedom is AMAZING!!!!!! the catch is, when they are 18/graduated HS, it gets titled in their own name, and they get/pay for their own insurance.
dh dragged his feet on the agreement with oss. 7 months after graduation, i signed over the title when he traded it in for a "new" car. not a word has been said about insurance, so i'm sure MIL probably had it arranged through her ins company. idc, as long as it's not in my name or wallet!
lurch may be a different story, we'll see how things shake out after graduation next year. oss19 has a part time job and lives with MIL, lurch is hoping for college. if he does go to college, i'm sure dh and i would need to be flexible with the agreement.