When out-of-control teens are old enough to drive
BM asked DH to split the cost of driving school for SD15. It's $370 for the class. DH told her he would give it some thought. Am I the only person who thinks it's crazy to allow this kid to get her license????
She barely makes it though school as it is. Constantly failing classes and skipping school. Will she go to school more once she can drive herself? I doubt it.
She is currently in trouble to trying to sneak and meet a boy that she isn't allowed to see. Will she suddenly follow the rules and stay away from this kid once she has the freedom to drive herself? I doubt it.
She can't even manage the responsibility of having her own phone and uses it in ways that puts her at risk. How the heck will she be responsible to safely operate a car and follow the rules of the road?
I see this as a risky parenting move that sets SD15 up to fail in so many ways. Is getting a license at 16 some kind of rite of passage or should it be a privilege earned?
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Driving is a privilege at any
Driving is a privilege at any age.
If I couldn't trust my children to follow the rules I wouldn't let them drive. Failing classes, skipping school, and sneaking off would be grounds for taking the vehicle away from an already driving teen. Why would you give it to one that's already pulling that bull with out their own vehicle??
Driving is a privilege.
Driving is a privilege. Getting a license is a necessity.
I want my teen to have as much supervised driving time as possible. Those years when I control access to the car are crucial for learning to be a responsible driver.
So I absolutely would want an out of control teen to get a license. Then I would require that the teen contribute towards the cost of driving. Since I need the teen to have better insurance to protect my assets, I don’t expect them to cover the full cost of being added to my household plan. Initial driving is for necessities and things that help out the family. Getting to take the car out for fun outings is a privilege that is earned by doing well in school and proving oneself to be trustworthy.
That’s in interesting
That’s in interesting perspective. Unfortunately, I don’t think BM will have much control and Sd15 knows it.
It's a privilege. period. I
It's a privilege. period.
I think her father is well within his rights to tell his EX (and his daughter) that based on her current and recent behavior, that he doesn't feel she is mature enough to handle the great responsibility of driving. So, until he sees meaningful change, he will not be a party to this at this time.
By the way... he did put his
By the way... he did put his foot down on his younger daughter getting her license because she developed seizures when she was about 13 or 14 yo.
He was really reluctant for her to get her license. Eventually they "brow-beat" him into agreeing and helping pay for the school course. But dadeee.. it's embarassing all my friends have licenses.. I promise I won't actually drive without your permission. He did tell them that he wanted her to take afternoon sessions since she normally had seizures first thing in the AM. (she was seizure free and on meds.. he was just overcautious). So.. we all know what happens. BM gets her into the "first available" class which is...you guessed it. 7 AM. He was pretty irritated that BM and his daughter went behind his back.. but at that point... what could he do?
I tell you what he didn't do.... Buy her a car when she was 16. That was a big todo. BM "you bought OSD.. you NEED to buy YSD one TOO". blah blah.. . So, he told YSD that he would pay for 1/2 the car when she graduated HS. And.. THAT he DID stick to. She had graduated and had the money for half the car and her insurance.
I can understand being
I can understand being worried about the seizures. SD15 has severe ADHD. She is medicated, but even so, it's a struggle for her. She has trouble paying attention and focusing. I can see that adding a dangerous aspect to her driving. Anytime she sees a dog or anything cute, it pulls her attention.
Maybe you are trying to make
Maybe you are trying to make sense of this situation and asking for feedback. So I will give you mine.
NOPE---Why would we?
No drivers license for kids in school at our house. GRADUATE then we talk. In the mean time get a part time job because you will need it to pay for that cell phone you want. AND for car insurance in the future AND for down payment on your car.
Who is going to pay your step child insurance, gas....you can figure IF your dh agrees to this license thing, bm will expect him to pay UP.
Ask BM the question. WHY does sd need a license? Oh the reasons will amaze you. If she wants sd to have it, it's her money all the way. You would rather wait until he matures, it is not an entitlement.
Judges at least of cases I have heard do not require ncp to pay UP for this stuff. UNLESS ncp agree to it. DONT DO IT
I guess I do agree that
I guess I do agree that driving is a life skill needed before adulthood. I just don't see why a freshman in high school NEEDS to drive. I think she needs time to focus on school and get on track with academics. She isn't at a point where she could manage having a job, so what would she be getting from having a license besides more freedom to skip school.
I personally think they should wait an extra year at least. She would still be driving around the same time as all her peers at school. There is nothing wrong with beginning to drive as a sophomore. I didn't even turn 16 until the summer before my junior year.
Is it the HS doing the
Is it the HS doing the driver's ed class? Her it is usually sophomores that do the class, but considering a student's age, yes, here your SD would be allowed as a freshman because of her age.
No clue where you live nor the laws in your state, but here she could begin classroom, then get her permit and do behind the wheel. With her permit she can only drive with like her father or mother and she does not need to get her license at 16. She could drive on the permit for two years (check your state). If this is how it works in your state , SD could take the class, do the road with permit and then spend a couple years 'practicing' with her parents. And Dad would know exactly how she drives and where she is driving because he would be in the car next to her .
On the otherhand, if the BM is one who would let kid race out and get license (here, kid must have completed behind the wheel and had permit nine months before can get 1st license) the minute she is sixteen and can and then just turn her loose, I'd say no.
If Dad pays for class , can dad control the timing of license readiness? I doubt iit if BM is giving her a car. BM will just run kid to facility and get the license and 'surprise' Daddy. The other thing is, if your SD is not a good student, the vehicle insurance will bite, even if she is on Dad's or Mom's policy. I just put my own teen on my policy, her good grades in school counted toward a big discount than if she was average student.
Driving school isn't through
Driving school isn't through the high schools here. Our law is that if you take the driving class you may get your permit at 15 1/2 and then your license at 16. If you don't take the class, you may get your permit at 16 and license at 16 1/2.
Age wise, she is old enough to take the class. Maturity wise, she should wait. If DH had any control over the driving situation, I would say go ahead and let her get the permit to give her extra time driving. The reality is that DH has no say in what happens at BM's. BM's goal seems to be for SD15 to drive on her own.
I didn't realize that grades can affect insurance rates. That will be another downfall since SD15 has barely made it through the last few years. I did read that she has to pass the 8th grade reading test before she can get her license before 18... that may come into play as well. I don't know what her reading scores were last year, but she especially struggles with that.
I voiced those same concerns
I voiced those same concerns about my SD16 and she just wrecked her car two days ago.