You sure it's just beer? I won't pass out from 3 beers

When alcohol affects relationships it's a problem. He also put your child in danger, which is a HUGE problem. He has fallen into a dangerous routine and you are absolutely right to address it with him.

Sounds like he's getting defensive because he recognizes there's a problem.

Contact Al-Anon. There are people there who will understand and who will be able to give you some advice.

He put your child in danger and he is sometimes mean when he drinks - both those things are huge red flags.

Hennypenny is correct, just as other posters have offered: there is an alcohol or drug/alcohol issue in the house. AA/AL=Anon.

You KNOW this. Alcohol excessive use/abuse has been a recurrent theme throughout your life. You likely picked DH because he was "familiar" with his demons. DH has an issue. Perhaps he is adding a few drinks or "mini's" from the liquor store before he gets home ... likely a lot of drinks or layering on some pills. Pass-out asleep minding your toddler for 30 minutes while you shower --- even after working graveyard shift or swing-shift or 14 hour days just sounds weird. There likely is a shitload of lying and denial going on.

You are responsible for your baby and if that includes calling B*S* on a parent behaving erratically or neglectfully, of course, you must enforce some boundaries. Protect your little one and yourself. Hiding and excusing and explaining and ... FFS, you are the biggest block to your own sense of living a full life while raising your little one.

dang woman I've got nothing...... I would simply take a bucket of ice water and dump it over him while he's sleeping on the coach and say - WTH are you not attentive to our daughter...

3 beers a night is way way too much and this from a weekend alcoholic You DH is working in the field, thus there's safety issues ..... you can not work with an beer infused brain.

Both SO and I work for a company with zero tolerance of drugs and alcohol... during the week - we do not use any alcohol... but comes Friday evening.. dang.. you will not last in our house hold, beer is for breakfast lol...
Sunday we stop 2 am and we wait for the next Friday...

I know what you are going through. He very likely is drinking more then what you see.
It makes you feel crazy because you know its odd to bitch about 3 beers because seriously its 3 beers but super seriously he is passed out and you know its wrong.

It conflicts in your brain and it sucks. Not to mention he isnt participating in your lives after work fully if he is drunk and then asleep.

The passing out while watching toddler:so what my kids father did was worse...he actually got blackout drunk and LEFT our toddlers (18ish months) at home while i was at work. He was charged with child endangerment.

In therapy for myself i realized that i was not crazy the months leading to the incident , the falling asleep hard early, the odd amount of time it took for him to do any small errand, the random anger and yelling at me AND the toddlers, 0 helping with household. He was a drunk but he went to work everyday and how dare i bitch about him drinking 2 beers after work..all the while not knowing about the bottle under his seat in car. Red flags everywhere!

I am not saying your dh will leave your child but she could have just as easily go into chemicals, knives, got outside. She still could have been hurt. I am glad she was not but now you have to make sure she isnt ever in that situation.

If he is looking or acting off, go with your gut and do not leave her with him. He probably will not be receptive to talks about his drinking until an incident.

Also check the ABV (alcohol by volume) of the IPA. Some of them have an absurdly high alcohol content. Three of those can have more alcohol than a 6 pack of light beer.

Sounds like maybe something more than 3 beers is going on. My DH works a very physically demanding job, we get up around 5am every day and we enjoy a few drinks every night. He has no problem staying awake and being a productive spouse and parent.

Sounds like something else may be going on. If he isn't hiding extra drinks or drugs, he should see his doctor about a sleep study.

LadyStark - all jokes aside now..... I'm over the fact that your normal beers are so dang high in alcohol..

but if your DH is doing physical labor, out in the field the whole day, coming home and passing out on the coach with the chickens.... then waking up in the early hours of the morning... it could be that he's over tired when he comes from work, the beer helps him to relax and he falls asleep...

maybe you should suggest to him to come from work, not drink a beer, simply take a nap, to recharge for half an hour to an hour.. then get up, shower, have a meal and a beer, before going to bed at 10 - normal time for people....

my kid works a physical job, and he would come home at 7pm, then he sleeps till 2am, eats dinner that time of the morning, wakes me up cause he's not tired any more... thus his day is stuffed up... we slowly changed it, Deigma came home slept for an hour , had dinner at 11pm, woke up at 4am.... currently we are on...

napping half an hour, shower, have a coffee and dinner at 9pm... by 11pm he's fast asleep and wakes up at 5:30....
to be back at work 7am-7pm...

It could only be a thing for DH of changing his night and day hours to some stupid time

It sounds like your husband is an alcoholic and that he has periods of sobriety followed by relapses. He is showing some classic signs of alcoholism.

Defensive about drinking? Check.
Counting his drinks? Check.
Mean when he drinks? Check.
Daily drinking? Check.

Alcoholics are not always bums sitting on the side of the street begging for change so they can go buy some Colt 45. There are functional alcoholics that have jobs and pay their bills.

I hope I'm wrong but I think you're right... There is a storm brewing. Please seek some help for yourself. You can't make an alcoholic stop drinking, they have to decide that for themselves.

I would approach it from the perspective... Husband, at night when you snore you stop breathing. Now it could be you nothing or it could be something. I cannot imagine having to tell your daughter you died in your sleep because you didn't go to the Dr. Not to mention you act really weird after only 3 beers. Like you are still asleep. So for your daughter's sake, see the Dr and get sleep study done.

If he is only having 3 beers and nothing outside home then I would bet on the sleep apnea version. If it isn't sleep apnea then you can attack the alcohol scenario.