Good for you, girl. It's too bad that this boy's family are hell bent on literally loving him to death. Addiction really is a family illness and it sounds like you are refusing to let it effect you anymore.

Addiction is so hard, I really feel for you and your family. I don't blame you for being done with your stepson right now - it isn't wrong to not want someone who steals in your home. It is also understandable that your husband has trouble "letting go."

It might help your husband to go to an NA meeting or at least do some reading on addiction. Has he before? It might help him to understand that by enabling his son (whether that be turning a blind eye to his addiction, inviting him into your home, whatever the case may be) he is actually doing more harm. He is giving the addict options. In order for him to truly want to get clean, he has to see rehab/changing his life as the ONLY option left. That, or lose everyone and everything.

I wish you the best.

((((HUGS))))

You have the courage and strength to stick UP for yourself and standards of behavior inside your home. I DO understand how you feel in part.

It is a pity that your husband along with other family members whitewash criminal behavior of DH son. They are not doing him any favors.

Can I share? Several years ago a Mom and Dad in our Catholic Church had a son who also was an addict...stealing lying..you know the deal as it is common with behaviors for addicts. WELL,
This Mom and Dad put their foot down and refused to allow their son inside their home much less in their lives. Complete block. The kid ended up in jail and Mom and Dad would not bail him out of jail.
A few parishioners were livid with these parents and could NOT believe they would do this to their precious snowflake. Our Priest got wind of this and I kid you not He brought it up during Mass.

Our Priest stood firmly beside this Mom and Dad and agreed with what they decided to do and gently scolded anyone who expected Mom and Dad to 1. bail their addict out of jail and 2. who expected mom and dad to allow that shit in their home.

STAND FIRM adn do not cave to the enablers. You did the right thing. You also gave grace by suggesting your husband continue his relationship anytime he see's fit at the addicts home.

YOur DH's entire family is NOT helping addict kid. But I would bet there are others inside that family who have been tipped toes around too. THIS is not the first time.

LOOK AT THE FAMILY HISTORY...it's a window to current behaviors and usually it is long standing.
Hang in there!!! Stay strong.

I think you are absolutely entitled to protect yourself from this addict SS. If you ever have proof that he is clean and sober, perhaps then you can rethink your stand on this issue.

Just last night my neighbor called me crying hysterically. Her SD40ish is also a addict and banned from the home. Her DH is getting up there in years and has been in poor health. The SD wanted to come see him and he said no. He doesn't allow her in his house because she will steal and they don't want to watch her like a hawk.

Last night my neighbor was in the garage and the SD showed up . She was told she shouldn't be there and to leave. Well she shoved her SM out of the way, knocking her into the hot water heater , and burst into the house.

Once inside she was told to leave by her father and a screaming match ensued. It turned into a huge cluster f*** and the police and paramedics were called by another neighbor who saw the confrontation in the garage. Now the police are pressing charges and everything will be a huge stressful mess that no one needs.

That's the thing about addicts. They bring their dysfunction with them wherever they go and no sane person wants to be around that willingly.

That's the thing about addicts. They bring their dysfunction with them wherever they go and no sane person wants to be around that willingly.

Yep, and one should not expect one's spouse to put up with it in their own home. He can see his son elsewhere.

ahppy - proud of you standing your ground, SS is not welcome back, DH can go to his place... stay with that.

Dh can be angry about it, simply laugh and tell him i don't care... when your son is clean and self supporting we can talk about this again but not before that...

hOpe your son are doing well today... he's a strong young boy he will get through this