Ladies I need advice
I have been married for 10 years and together 3 years previous! A lot of turmoil cause husband does not know how to stand by his wife! All the trouble we have had is because of this. I am at a point in my life where I am 42 my kids are grown - my son graduates June 4th ships out to Air Force June 13th, I have a stressful job I love, feeling blue about kids leaving me. Still have issues with husband about his 32 year old drug addicted son who steals and has stolen from me before and of course I don't want him around, my feelings are so conflicted right now. I think about living on my own and not having someone get mad cause I am on my phone or tired or don't want to do it - sounds peaceful to be me! I love him but most of the time I don't like my husband - feel emotionally drained by him. I have raised good kids with a heart and kindness and respect - I hate being lost! Does anyone have any advice! I feel so low.. and tired! I work hard have all my life. Always wil... it if a spouse has always put you last - do you think they can change that after 13 years or is it prolly always gonna be same?
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I would say that after 13
I would say that after 13 years unless there is a true wake up call there will be no change. Go speak to a therapist and seek family counseling before making any huge life changes but do something. You should have to be miserable.
Should NOT have to be
Should NOT have to be miserable, right?
Nope, not going to change.
Nope, not going to change. Why would he? He's been getting away with it for 13 years.
We have been through therapy
We have been through therapy - he hated it cause he thought the therapist would be telling me I was wrong! I also went by myself - I am a co dependent that is so hard to see and change! I hate it! My therapist told me I would never be first cause my husband is an addict (pot) - which there plays my co dependent crap! I just don't want to wake up at 80 and say what the hell did I do! I am stupid it seems right?
therapy did not work, your DH
therapy did not work, your DH will never change, either you accept this and move on, but being 42...
Happy... separate from your husband, see how you feel in couple off month, clear with yourself, is it love or is it being use to him and having another person in the house, I would seriously end this and move on..
dang woman, life only starts at 40 - you are still very young and plenty of time to be on your own, find yourself and eventually some one who will treat you like the woman you are.
Focus on your DS. The Air
Focus on your DS. The Air Force is WONDERFUL! My son enlisted in 2012 and it's been a GREAT move for him all the way around.
If your DH excuses his coddled druggy pilferer son, then my advice would be to get out if at all possible.
I am not perfect trust me I
I am not perfect trust me I know this! I mean who is right! But I work hard, help with everything , do things for his daughter and her family, his entire family - always been good to all of them! But to be frank I don't like his son at all! And in a heated fight I told him that! He says well he is sick and it's a disease - maybe it is I don't know I have no addictions and don't steal and I don't depend on people to pay my way! I watch intervention and being enabled doesn't help druggy it hinders them from accountability, hubby said but all those people on that show get really. Ice treatment facilities - I said call the show put him on it then. Hold him accountable for why he is not wanted around cause he is a thief. Instead of of holding me accountable for being a normal thinking person! It's low to steal from anyone.
It's my fault for putting up with this crap I know - maybe the answer is inside me and I just am afraid of it!
stop being afraid of the
stop being afraid of the answer within.....
you will be surprised if you acknowledge your inner voice, relief will fold around you like a soft blanket,
Thank you - so basically what
Thank you - so basically what I am saying to myself is I am afraid to. be HAPPY - that sounds ridiculous saying that out loud! Wow
now go and stand in front of
now go and stand in front of a mirror and SAY...
I am allowed to be happy, I will not be afraid anymore...
I agree with A. Better yet...
I agree with A. Better yet... I DESERVE to be happy and surround myself with people who support my cause to be happy, no?
A common saying is that
A common saying is that "marriage is work" but that's not really true. A good marriage is mostly easy. It makes you feel supported and secure, you have fun and laughs together, you feel like somebody really is a big fan of yours, you feel you have a real partner in the big enterprise that is life, you have someone to depend on.
Do you feel most of those things? Any of those things?
If not, exactly why are you there? Don't fall into the trap of believing everyone's marriage is more or less like yours. A marriage can and should be vastly better than you describe.
No I don't! We laugh but not
No I don't! We laugh but not daily - he is a very downer person I am usually always pretty up beat, the attitude of where there is a will there's a way! Positive mostly! I am in starts of menopause after hysterectomy! So I have that! And seriously sex seems like a chore - cause it's like he said I am his anti depressant- he depends on me for happiness! He shouldn't! And I bet if he were honest with himself he would say he isn't happy either!
Ladies - thank you sometimes
Ladies - thank you sometimes I okay most of the time I have to talk it out - to get my feelings in check! I think I am gonna seriously spread my wings and fly - I know it's gonna be hard just cause there are feelings and I am a woman who has emotions - but once I cry it out I will be okay! I wanna be me without someone telling me who to be- big thanks for letting me talk it out! Love to all of you
I am so sorry! I know where
I am so sorry! I know where you are! I left 3 x - and came back on empty promises cause well I don't know why anymore! Cause I am a fixer - so please listen if you decide your done be done they don't change!
I'm not a huge believer in
I'm not a huge believer in the "addiction is a disease" campaign, because I think there is far more to it than that, but regardless... would you let someone with pneumonia come cough in your face? No. His son needs help getting clean. If he's not willing or able to get clean then you and your husband have every right to disengage from him. Allowing him to steal from you does nothing but feed his habit. If your husband is bankrolling his addiction then it's on him if your SS OD's or kills some else while he's high.
The heroin/opioid epidemic is rampant in the area that I live in, so I get pretty heated about it. Disease or not, addicts are driving around high, committing crimes, etc. It's so dangerous for the community as a whole.
Anyway, I digress. Your DH doesn't sound like the type of man who is going to spend any time engaging in self reflection, or taking ownership for any of the negative aspects of your marriage. If you've already tried counseling, then I'd be inclined to say that you should go your separate ways.