You know, people get in a dynamic of mommy and daddy call the kids, not vice versa.
If they are fairly young kids, they probably are just being self absorbed. TBH, I don't think your DH would be the first parent that felt the sting of their precious snowflakes blowing them off.
Even if they are older, if the dynamic has always been SO calls them, they may just think he is be busy and figure he will call when he has time.
^ this. If he wants them to call once a week he needs to talk to them and directly and say hey it would be nice if you called me once a week I shouldn't have to always be the one calling. He needs to step up and teach them that communication goes two ways and he needs to do it by telling them directly not passively aggressively ignoring them hoping they will suddenly change thier habits without prompting.
Yep. I am not a huge fan of double secret "tests." I mean, it could be that the kids are just going through a super busy time or they may just be truly used to DAD calling them and if he doesn't then well... Dad must just be busy right?
In my case, my Dad is terrible about answering the phone. I can seriously call him daily for over a week and he will not pick up. I know he is home. He just ignores the phone if he doesn't feel like talking. I have offered to even get him a cell phone for when he walks his dog since the dog has seizures on occasion. My Dad is almost 90 so it's hard for him to deal with that when it happens. Of course, he said NO.
I have told people I will feel no guilt if he falls and breaks his leg and no one finds him for a week. HE is the one who has chosen to ignore calls to the point that it is assumed. He made that bed, he will be laying in it one day.
Again, your DH really needs to set expectations that the kids should call him too. People can't always read minds.
I totally see your point and I should have added in that he has already had this conversation with them. He was still calling them and there would be no return to the call so now he has quit calling them and it has been two weeks without a peep from either of them.
Nothing you or him can do except love each other. The Skids will hopefully learn one day that they have to cherish him and you. I also don't think though when the kids do contact you guys, that it should be swept under the rug. He should express that it hurt him and how deeply he missed hearing from them.
But for now even though you may not have the words or advice, just being there sometimes is enough and encouraging him through it all. Best wishes to yall!!
You can only listen to him and say... mmmm it's sad Hon, they will come around, they are only teens, young adults...
they think they know it all... just give them time, they will contact you....
and go on with life...
I'm teaching myself currently not to say that day: Oh are you awake now? You are nothing more then a bank to that girl and it's your own fault for trying to buy her from BM with loads of money, new phones... did you really think she will love you enough to respect you?
it's tough on a man when they finally realize what their child(ren) is/are. and it is so hard to sit beside your beloved man who is hurt to the core and not be able to fix it or make it better for him.
you cant fix it. and he cant either. it just hurts.
(((((hugs)))))
I totally see your point and I should have added in that he has already had this conversation with them. So the rules didn't get changed, he told them that he would really like to hear from them without him prompting the communication, he asked if they could call him after their games to let him know it went or if they could just text him every now and then and tell me how your day is and they agreed but the pattern still hasn't changed. He was still calling them and there would be no return to the call so now he has quit calling them and it has been two weeks without a peep from either of them.
Two weeks. It would be a miracle here if DH got a call that soon. It's usually months between calls.
When DH calls it usually gets picked up by the answering machine. Very rarely do they pick up the call. And several times they've changed their phone number and he gets a no longer in service message.
One daughter he can email at her work email (he doesn't have her personal email).
And I remember only once that either of them ever called to see how he is.
Comments
You know, people get in a
You know, people get in a dynamic of mommy and daddy call the kids, not vice versa.
If they are fairly young kids, they probably are just being self absorbed. TBH, I don't think your DH would be the first parent that felt the sting of their precious snowflakes blowing them off.
Even if they are older, if the dynamic has always been SO calls them, they may just think he is be busy and figure he will call when he has time.
^ this. If he wants them to
^ this. If he wants them to call once a week he needs to talk to them and directly and say hey it would be nice if you called me once a week I shouldn't have to always be the one calling. He needs to step up and teach them that communication goes two ways and he needs to do it by telling them directly not passively aggressively ignoring them hoping they will suddenly change thier habits without prompting.
Yep. I am not a huge fan of
Yep. I am not a huge fan of double secret "tests." I mean, it could be that the kids are just going through a super busy time or they may just be truly used to DAD calling them and if he doesn't then well... Dad must just be busy right?
In my case, my Dad is terrible about answering the phone. I can seriously call him daily for over a week and he will not pick up. I know he is home. He just ignores the phone if he doesn't feel like talking. I have offered to even get him a cell phone for when he walks his dog since the dog has seizures on occasion. My Dad is almost 90 so it's hard for him to deal with that when it happens. Of course, he said NO.
I have told people I will feel no guilt if he falls and breaks his leg and no one finds him for a week. HE is the one who has chosen to ignore calls to the point that it is assumed. He made that bed, he will be laying in it one day.
Again, your DH really needs to set expectations that the kids should call him too. People can't always read minds.
I totally see your point and
I totally see your point and I should have added in that he has already had this conversation with them. He was still calling them and there would be no return to the call so now he has quit calling them and it has been two weeks without a peep from either of them.
Nothing you or him can do
Nothing you or him can do except love each other. The Skids will hopefully learn one day that they have to cherish him and you. I also don't think though when the kids do contact you guys, that it should be swept under the rug. He should express that it hurt him and how deeply he missed hearing from them.
But for now even though you may not have the words or advice, just being there sometimes is enough and encouraging him through it all. Best wishes to yall!!
You can only listen to him
You can only listen to him and say... mmmm it's sad Hon, they will come around, they are only teens, young adults...
they think they know it all... just give them time, they will contact you....
and go on with life...
I'm teaching myself currently not to say that day: Oh are you awake now? You are nothing more then a bank to that girl and it's your own fault for trying to buy her from BM with loads of money, new phones... did you really think she will love you enough to respect you?
no advice, just
no advice, just (((((hugs)))))
it's tough on a man when they finally realize what their child(ren) is/are. and it is so hard to sit beside your beloved man who is hurt to the core and not be able to fix it or make it better for him.
you cant fix it. and he cant either. it just hurts.
(((((hugs)))))
I totally see your point and
I totally see your point and I should have added in that he has already had this conversation with them. So the rules didn't get changed, he told them that he would really like to hear from them without him prompting the communication, he asked if they could call him after their games to let him know it went or if they could just text him every now and then and tell me how your day is and they agreed but the pattern still hasn't changed. He was still calling them and there would be no return to the call so now he has quit calling them and it has been two weeks without a peep from either of them.
Two weeks. It would be a
Two weeks. It would be a miracle here if DH got a call that soon. It's usually months between calls.
When DH calls it usually gets picked up by the answering machine. Very rarely do they pick up the call. And several times they've changed their phone number and he gets a no longer in service message.
One daughter he can email at her work email (he doesn't have her personal email).
And I remember only once that either of them ever called to see how he is.