I can't stand the heart ache over here!
My SO has waited many tough and trying years for his kids to turn 18. He waited out the years of hurt for the day they turned 18 because "everything would be docent." BM is very controlling and vindictive! Well, last September his son turned 18. Of course her response to the first time they try to plan anything outside the parenting schedule, she comes up with:
BM: just because he turned 18 doesn't give you, or him the right to run around as you please!"
SO: actually I think it does
BM: take me to court and find out"
SO: ummmm no need... he's 18...
Anyways, almost an entire year later and he is headed off to another state for college next month. SO thought it would be nice to have a little father/soon outing before he left and planned a 6 day trip to colorado to dirt bike in the mountains. Today was the day that Ss18 decoded to tell his mom.
Lo and behold, SO gets a text today from SS18 saying he wasn't going. SO is heart broken. All because he couldn't stand up to BM. Now SO is completely beside himself. SO says to me tonight "this is the first time in his whole life that I have absolutely nothing to say to him. I am so disappointed in him that I can't even be in the same room."
Nothing but awkward over here right now.
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I don't understand why theses
I don't understand why theses Dads think that their children will suddenly become a different person just because they turn 18.
This kid has been listening to and doing what BM has told him to do for 18 years! There is no switch that magically flips inside them. The same goes for doing chores or getting a job or taking care of themselves. They will continue to do what they've always done and what's been expected of them.
EX-ACTLY!!
EX-ACTLY!!
Not only that, but the kid
Not only that, but the kid has spent 18 years watching his dad not be able to stand up to BM.
I find it absolutely amazing that this guy expect his son do something in 11 MONTHS that he didn't have the balls to do in 18 YEARS.
That kid learned an awful lesson from both of his parents.
It is really hard. I'm sure
It is really hard. I'm sure he has been threatened that he doesn't have a place to come home to and will get no help with college and she will cut him off emotionally if he has a relationship with Dad. When there is a PASing parent it kind of is like a death of the child at least emotionally for the other parent. So sorry.
I wish it were different. I
I wish it were different. I hate to see him hurt. Not site how he was supposed to stand up to her. A court order is a court order. It is right in the order that he cannot even get out of the truck during pick up or drop off. No phone calls allowed. Just email and text... I told SO that a year or two from now may be different. I just want him to not have to go through this. He does everything for these kids and gets nothing.
My SD is 25 and is still up
My SD is 25 and is still up BM's ass. It's a hard thumb to get out from under. Especially if they are still dependent on them, financially and/or emotionally.
A kid doesn't magically start
A kid doesn't magically start thinking like an independent human the day they turn 18. If SS still lives with mom, then I'm sure it's in his best interests to NOT defy her and go off on a trip with his dad, as upon return she would make SS life miserable. SS could leave her home (if 18 is the age of majority in your state), but are you offering him a place to stay?
He moves put of the state 2
He moves put of the state 2 weeks after returning for college. And both the kids know they can move in here any day. So yes. He knows he has options. He even talked about moving in here in July when he "defied" her and left 4 days early for a vacation. He got back from that and all was well.
^^^^THIS^^^^ Yeah, the kid
^^^^THIS^^^^
Yeah, the kid did make a choice. He chose to side with BM and back out of his plans with your SO.
He didnt want to upset mommy.