What is the hold that she has over them?
Another post made me wonder this idea, but I didn't want to hijack...
What is the hold that these crappy parents have over their children that makes them so damned afraid of making them upset? I means seriously, Skids would walk through fire rather than upset their precious b*tch of a mother, but neither of them think twice about saying or doing anything to hurt DH. I know that COD are nastier to the parent they trust most, but what is it that these people are doing to their kids to make them understand so very clearly that they better not cross them?
With DD, I get it. Her dad/EXH is an angry man, and she knows it, unfortunately. He never hit me, but he hit the wall, he threw things, etc. I get why she's afraid of speaking up.
BM isn't beating them, she doesn't yell, there's no accountability over there, etc. She's not very engaged in anything other than herself, so what is it that they're afraid of?
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All I know is that our BM is
All I know is that our BM is a controlling Narcissist. As is her sister and their parents. If they can no longer control a person, they will control how others see that person.
First there are the lies:
* She has skids believing SO is a deadbeat father with anger issues.
* She will tell the skids, SO is behind in CS and she can't afford the things they need even though she has the cheques.
* She tells the skids she pays for everything out of her own pocket!
* She has the skids believing SO is spending all his money on me instead of them.
* She has told skids that SO made financial promises then reneged on them.
Then there are the interference of visitation:
* She will tell the skids they don't have to go to their dad's if they don't want to.
* She will tell the skids what they can or cannot do at their dads.
* She tells them Salem's Lot and her family are more important to their Dad than they are.
* She makes plans on Dad's visitation time. If So says yes, she tells them he doesn't care about visitation. If he says no, she tells them he doesn't want them to have fun.
* She comes to the rescue if Daddy says no, and take them back home.
And last there are the bribes and threats:
* Skids can have a tablet, if they don't go to their dad's.
* Their phone or internet service will be disconnected if they talk to or visit their father.
* They can spend the weekend at their friends/boyfriend's if they do not to go to dad's.
* She allows them to have alcohol.
* She makes fun plans on weekends SO has visitation and brags about how much fun they and the other skids had if a skid decides to visit dad.
(check) ALL of the ABOVE
(check) ALL of the ABOVE (Girhippo)
(check) ALL of the ABOVE
(check) ALL of the ABOVE (Girhippo)
I forgot to add the
I forgot to add the interrogations after they leave here!
When I first started dating
When I first started dating my baby's father, I would take the kids to the skate station and rent skates every other weekend. It got pretty expensive and there was a sale on skates at Kmart so I bought all the kids skates to save my self the rental fees. SD then 9 or 10 brought her skates home to BM. She called screaming. I don' even know what her issue with me buying skates was but she had an issue and SD9 started calling crying saying, "i'm sorry. I'm so sorry I ever asked you to buy me skates. I won't ever " That was my first crazy encounter with her.
Then SD had a field trip and her mom and dad couldn't chaperone and so she asked me to go with her. Then she would call crying saying she didn't want to make me mad but that BM was calling her worthless and the meanest daughter ever for wanting me to go.
BM, I call her North Korea, I think has some mental health issues. I think she's a narcissist and has borderline personality disorder. SD is now 15. I've heard her now say some little gems like " She thinks its all about her." I can only imagine what this kid's life is like living with this woman all day every day when I just have gotten blasts of the crazy here and there.
Because that parent has
Because that parent has informed the child that their love is conditional.....
If said child does A,B or C they loose that parents love. So the child works hard to keep the approval of the parent they think will abandon them.
If the other parent express unconditional love the child feels no need to win that parents approval. And when the child is in that dynamic where they feel they will loose a parent, especially after a divorce they will do whatever it takes to avoid that.
It's called Parental
It's called Parental Alienation.
The BM has brain-washed the skid into believing they are all victims, that DH is the cause.
In divorce situations, often kids have to have one 'bad' parent and the other is the good one....I grew up in a situation like that.
My Dad was painted as the bad guy, the cause of everything, a loser and someone to be avoided unless you might be just like him.
My Mom, and us, were "victims"
Hopefully the skid will grow up one day and realize the truth. I did