Lunchtime Poll: Has your current relationship changed your relationship with your Ex (Other Birth Parent)
So, my DS14's father and I have always had a very friendly relationship. We very successfully co-parented after our amicable split. My last boyfriend and I used to play trivia with he & his current wife! But my current SO can't deal with me even getting out of the car to discuss school,or even wave goodbye if I stay in the car, etc when we "switch out" my son. We were never flirty or anything! We just had a healthy, amicable relationship. Not so much anymore.
I've never been with anyone who feels SOOOOO strongly about not having ANY contact whatsoever with the Baby Daddy. He was annoyed even when I got out of the car to say hello to my sons grandmother when she met for the kiddo exchange! But SO comes by it honestly. His Mom is super wierd about exes and she raised him the same way.
Has anyone else ever had this issue?
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Comments
Actually he's an evil beast
Actually he's an evil beast to his Ex. But he doesn't have to appease her because he has full custody of SD15. BM is only in the picture once every few months when she meets SD15 for lunch in a public place. (A little backstory: BM screwed the 14yr old boyfriend of older SD20 (who at the time was 14 also.) SO has NO contact whatsoever with his ex wife and I'm pretty sure wouldn't piss on her if she were on fire. He expects me to treat my ex the same way, even though we had an amicable split and I've never had major issues with him. He's a great Dad, unlike SD15's BM.
My dh doesn't really care for
My dh doesn't really care for my ex. He used to not care, but then my ex used to try to sex text me. Long story. I stopped responding to my ex all together a long time ago. It was my dh who said that I need to keep the communication open with the ex for the sake of my kids.
Needless to say, my dh is a much bigger person then I am. I would have lost my friggen mind had the situation been reversed.
With bm the situation changed completely for dh. He used to put up with her crap and bend to everything she wanted. She controlled him while they were married and then after. Until I came along and put a stop to that.
Relationship change with Ex
Relationship change with Ex due to DH:
YES! ExH and I did not get along well up to the point I got married to DH. After the wedding the whole mood changed and ExH was very polite and we both were agreeable and all was well. DH does not fuss or question communications with ExH, he is sometimes included in discussions as well is SM, we work well together as a group.
BM and DH on the other hand, do not talk, email only communications, I did have some influence on that, as BM had tried several attempts to "rekindle" the love affair and I told DH I was not willing to date someone who is still "involved" with his Ex. He would argue that he wasn't doing it or acknowledging her advancements, but I felt DH not putting a stop to it was also not appropriate.
They are not agreeable, BM is in a bad marriage and wants DH back so they limit communications because she just can't control herself with him or several other guys she has on the side either.
It bothers DH when I talk to
It bothers DH when I talk to my ExH's family. I am still very nice to my ExMIL, I wouldn't say we are friends. We don't chat on the phone or hang out. I don't go to family get togethers... but... her car has broken down a few times. She lives up the street from me, and works up the street from my office, so she will call and ask for a ride to work. And I take her. A few months ago I wasn't able to take her to work, but I let her borrower one of our vehicles. We have 5, DH was out of town... what's the harm? It bothers DH a little when I do that, I think more because he doesn't even get along with his own mom that well. But, he doesn't let it affect our relationship. He knows that is just who I am. I have no beef with any of them.
I hired my ExH cousin to landscape the Little League fields, counsin's wife served on my board for 2 years. His family is good people.
BUT... ExH hasn't had a serious relationship since me. So there has been no new woman in his life to get jealous. If he had a new girl, I would back off and give her space to know her new family.
BS14's father and I were very
BS14's father and I were very chummy, not in a romantic way or a flirty way but in a friendly way. Now as an important side note, BS was living with his dad when I first started dating DH. The ex is a terrible father, lazy, self indulgent, immature but he took BS in when I needed him to.
After a while DH's jealousy started to show and he began to verbalize it. The ex and I have never gone to court, no custody, no child support, we just dealt with it on our own. DH didn't understand why I was okay w talking to him and why we acted like friends. Since BS14 came to live w me and DH, I haven't talked to my ex at all, which has been 2 years now and BS has done so rarely by his choice and his father's lack of interest.
I honestly think in this
I honestly think in this case, it's about how you approach your relationship. My mom always told me that just because we have a right to do something, doesn't mean we should, because it may plant seeds of distrust within your relationship--and relationships are hard without having to add those things. So if there's someone DH is uncomfortable with me being around, even if it was an ex (which I don't have one) who was the father of my child, I would limit contact for his sake. But this only holds true since he would do the same for me. I did tell DH that if we divorced, to take all ideas of being friendly and me being friendly with his family and chuck it out the window, because I'd extend this courtesy to my new SO if I had one, and to his new SO if he had one.