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OT - Is there no wedding etiquette anymore?

CBCharlotte's picture

Submitted by CBCharlotte on Wed, 03/04/2015 - 7:16am

Maybe this is me being old fashioned (I'm 27!) but I can't believe the lack of basic etiquette in regards to weddings these days!

My fiancee and I are planning our wedding, which is 6 months from Friday. We made our guest list and sent out save the dates. Our venue can do the reception indoors or outdoors. We wanted to do it indoors, which seats a max of 120. We've already invited 200!!! Granted, a lot of people are international relatives who we know won't come but is more of a courtesy invite. DF is from England and I have a lot of family in Italy.

DF was at a business dinner last night and told me we had to add a bunch of people to our invite list. Apparently this guy Christian, who is an acquaintance, was upset he wasn't invited. He is a friend of a friend through DF's work. He's been to our house once and we see him out once in a while, but we have never hung out with him alone or as a couple. One of his vendors at Accenture also went up to him and asked if she was invited. We see this vendor at business functions, but again have never hung out with her and her husband outside of that.

I couldn't believe the gall of asking someone if you are invited to their wedding! Or pouting when you know save the dates have gone out and you didn't receive one! Now we feel like we have to invite them for business sake. Our wedding list (and cost) is getting out of control. I hope a lot of "no" RSVPs come in when we send out formal invitations!

Comments

SecondGeneration's picture

Submitted by SecondGeneration on Wed, 03/04/2015 - 7:26am

Nope basically not.
When my dad and step mother were getting married, my dads parents invited them over for a dinner. They arrived to find all these relatives my dad had not seen since for years, they were all expecting wedding invitations. We are talking upwards of 40 people. My dad asked them what my step mothers name was, how many children they have and where they live. The people couldnt answer, and my dad informed them thats why they arent getting a wedding invitation.

The only scenario you should allow for inviting people that YOU wouldnt want is if someone other than YOU is paying for the wedding. Ofcourse if father in law is paying for it and he wants particular people there then you have to give a little. But so long as you are paying for it then you invite whoever you want.

My fiance and I are doing a destination wedding, we are inviting very few people.

zerostepdrama's picture

Submitted by zerostepdrama on Wed, 03/04/2015 - 7:44am

It's rude. Dont feel obligated to invite more people then who you feel comfortable with.

I will add to this: I can't believe how many weddings I have went to recently where I didnt receive a THANK YOU card for my gift. Not even a thank you! I'm almost ashamed to admit I even know these people. It's happened like 3 times.

Oh and at our wedding, NONE (except 1 sister) of DH's family or friends got us a card. And I'm not saying a card with money or a gift or whatever, just at least a Congrats card. NOPE! Thanks for celebrating and eating all the food and cake and drinking all the booze and you couldnt even get us a 50cent card from the dollar store?

I have less hope for humanity.

Unfreakingreal's picture

Submitted by Unfreakingreal on Wed, 03/04/2015 - 9:02am

OMG, yes, I know how you feel. DH and I got married in 2009. My 3rd marriage, his 1st. So of course, he wanted a big wedding. When it came time to the guest list, we made 3 columns. A list, B list, C list.
In total we had 275 people between all 3 lists.
A - list was MUST guests, close family, close friends.
B - list was 2nd family, cousins etc, friends that we stayed in touch with but didn't see that often and co-workers.
C - list was for those that we felt obligated to invite because they'd be insulted if we didn't.

One night, over cocktails, we grabbed a sharpie and the cuts started. We each crossed off names that we could do without and we had to be brutal in the cuts. It became a joke, "Sorry, you've been voted off the island."

When save the dates went out, we started getting a lot of "OMG, you're getting married! We cant wait for the wedding!" from people we hadn't thought of inviting. It became very stressful. In the end, we sent out invites for 175 people and 120 attended.
We also got a lot of SHIT from the in-laws because I did not want children at our wedding. A few of his family members didn't go because they were insulted by that. Fuck them. I literally had to tell his sister "It's a wedding, not a child's birthday party."
Etiquette has completely gone out the window.

AllySkoo's picture

Submitted by AllySkoo on Wed, 03/04/2015 - 10:16am

Oh my god, I got shit for not wanting kids at my wedding too! An evening wedding in Las Vegas for god's sake.

Here's a story for you.

One of my SIL's took it upon herself to invite a friend and that friend's child. Yep. This wasn't even someone guilting ME into an invite - SIL just went ahead and invited someone neither DH nor I had ever met!

So DH and I talked and said fine, she can have the friend as her "date", she doesn't want to go to Vegas "alone", FINE. But the kid can't come. We are not having kids at the wedding. So I email SIL and tell her she can bring her friend, we'll adjust the seating, but obviously the kid (who was 18 months) can't come so would they like help finding a sitter service in Vegas?

SIL emails back and says, "Oh no, she wouldn't trust a sitter she'd never met! We'll have to bring the baby or I won't be able to come at all, and I'd hate to miss my baby brother's wedding."

I email back, "Oh that's too bad you won't be able to attend, we'll miss you!" }:)

SIL ended up coming with a different friend, and no baby. I. WIN. Although she's still pissed at me. Lol

Unfreakingreal's picture

Submitted by Unfreakingreal on Wed, 03/04/2015 - 10:44am

Allyskoo - the best part was that each family member had like 3 to 4 kids each! My wedding would have turned into a freaking circus! SIL was REALLY pissed and she made no bones about making a stink about it leading up to the wedding. We ignored her for the most part but she continued to tell people "So&So missed my brothers wedding because his wife didn't allow any kids to attend."
Nope, the ONLY kids there were my flower girl and my BS who at the time was 12 and was the ring bearer. People are all types of ridiculous.