SD15's Attitude - Need advice!!
My SO and I are completely at a loss on what to do with SD15 and her attitude and mouth. She has no filter and is in a complete foul mood every day. She has been caught sneaking out, lying, having boys in her room. She tells her dad she wants to die, she hates him, wants to live with her mom. She told him he used to be nice until he was in a relationship with me. She always feels last next to me. Everything is about us and he would notice if he wasn't "whipped". Who says that to their dad w/o a face slap?
As far as I go I get stonewalled every day. The only time I get spoken to is for the infamous..."Where's my dad". Otherwise I get an eye roll everyday when I get home from work. Finally I broke down and said I at least deserve a little respect. Hello is not to difficult to say when I get home. Well they talked and I notice the very next day she is being pleasant. Yay! Unfortunately that was short lived she told him she is pissed because he is making her be fake. I feel like i really just don't want to be around her and I would like her to just stay away from me. What is the right thing to do?
Then when we go anywhere together, the entire time all she talks about is herself, puts down my children and whines about her fake medical issues. Or we get the silent treatment and dirty looks all through the meal. She will even straight out ignore my BS's. Its miserable!
I suggested to SO maybe SD is just jealous of our relationship. He should take her out without me, shopping something she likes to do. Well she yelled at him was moody and irritated with him so he spent the day driving her around and sitting in the car while she shopped. That would have NEVER happened with me. I would have drove her ass home, but he just doesn't know how to handle this.
Yes, she was an only child and the mother is not in the picture. Visits maybe 6 times a year.
Does anyone have any helpful suggestions? Not run or disengage.
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Comments
Fire Side said it all ^^^
Fire Side said it all ^^^
Run. He cannot raise his
Run. He cannot raise his daughter to be a good citizen and at the very least civil. This is a huge red flag for me.
And she/SD doesn't win her Daddy back by you leaving. He loses the best damned thing that ever happened to him. He gets his prize ripped form his hands because he allowed his daughter to be a brat.
There really is no other option. He won't change, she won't change... this is your life. Your kids will be miserable because they see their mother being allowed to be treated like crap. They will probably try it as well. After all, SD can behave like that.
I would first find out if she
I would first find out if she is serious about taking her life. Get her into therapy. I would then have some serious parenting rules. Give her the bare minimum and anything else beyond she needs to earn.
Sounds like if she can wear you guys down, you and DH will split.
She's 15 and a walking hormone but it's no excuse to treat you or anyone else in the family with disrespect.
Agree with Fire Inside. We
Agree with Fire Inside. We get the same bucket of acid from SD15, same accusations. She is much less rude to me directly now because, with a lot of work between DH and myself, I have shown her I am not to be messed with.
A couple weeks ago she pulled a really ugly confrontation with DH and in order to hurt him, she ran out to the kitchen to splash her toxic words all over me.
I went all Godzilla on her.
How do you like that, little girl? She learned a few things that day. Especially that DH and I are united. That my big Godzilla fire rays are way scarier than anything she ever faced before. And that her memories of the glorious days of Life Before ChiefGrownup were NOT shared by her dad.
We do have her in counseling now, but haven't seen results yet. The main thing has been not rewarding her for bad behavior and letting her know she is not in charge. The whole battle is grueling but slowly the grownups are winning.
Teens are hell, especially
Teens are hell, especially girls. When my SD14 is in one of her 'my life sucks' moods, I just steer clear for my own sanity. Trying over and over with the same results, I'd opt to just make my self happy and her and DH can figure out how to make it a pleasant experience for themselves.
Yes, HRNYC, if I ever told my
Yes, HRNYC, if I ever told my dad or referred to him as being pussy whipped I would have gotten "popped" in the mouth! You are so over dramatic. She has never been slapped FFS and all the other stuff she says - she has been to therapy. We aren't, nothing is working she lies to the therapist too!
I didn't see any mention as
I didn't see any mention as to how long this girl has been in the household. Teen girls can get hormonal and moody but this girl is acting plain rediculus because she knows she can. Daddy needs to put a stop to her behavior. Nothing you say will matter unless he is willing to back you. You owe her nothing. She is not a small child. Time she learns there are repercussions for treating other people badly.
In the real world it's not wise to mistreat the people that have control over your next meal, transportation, money and clothing. The adults should have all the power in this situation. So who gave that power to the child.
I would also go all North
I would also go all North Korean Security Forces on the boys in her room. I would make sure I knew every Mom or parent of every kid she knows. Boys caught in bedroom will find out how embarrassing it can be to have Mom get a phone call from me or be driven home by me.
Implement House Rules with ALL the kids -- in this house we speak with respect, we are polite that means greeting people, etc. If you have feelings you need to talk about, go to your parent and speak respectfully about them. No insulting your stepparent or bio parent. It's not "fake" - it's civilization. It's what the President has to say to Putin. You don't have to love people, but you do have to treat them with courtesy.
Buy her a bunch of Miss Manners books and so forth. Make it uncomfortable for her to spew all this crap because she's gonna get something that makes her miserable in return.
Teach her to express her feelings of insecurity or jealousy or uncertainty in civilized terms. The rest of us out in the world are counting on parents to do this so we don't have to deal with these wretches when they stumble into our lives!
Johran McCormick Google this
Johran McCormick
Google this name. Let your SD and her boyfriends know the kind of things that can happen when you sneak boys in.
I am not exactly the new GF
I am not exactly the new GF we are going on 3 years, we have put her in therapy. It doesn't help because she lies to the therapist. Every story she tells is a "poor me" saga and when she is really in trouble out comes the "but it's hard because I don't really have a mom". Oh boo hoo does that mean you get to be a complete jerk. Trust me I know what it feels like my dad treats me like a stray cat, but I still have my mom and stepdad and I NEVER got to be a jerk to anyone without severe consequences. We monitor her texts, but then she sneaks on kik, Instagram you name it when she needs to be secretive. We have up security cameras for the boy issue when we are at work. Somehow they are not feeding to our phones and she has a way to bypass them and sneak out....
An example of what we deal with she asked to go to the movies with her GF. She texts to have us pick her up at a certain time. My SO felt it was weird so we showed up early. We'll there she is coming from behind the theater 2 other girls and 4 guys. They go straight back into the theater and her and her gf waltz out at 930 as she requested.. She never even watched the movie. We try to explain we don't care if she hangs out with her friends just be honest.....this sneaky crap makes us not trust you.......she doesn't get it and keeps doing it over and over. Here next scheme is meeting a boy (random from another school, she just started chatting with off the internet) at the mall tomorrow during the day (via monitored text msg) not sure how she is getting there. We work. I can't wait to see the tale she tells to get to the mall. No worries though that will be stopped in its tracks. He could be some 40 yr old pedophile. Good lord I can't stand this.
BM is not an option, she
BM is not an option, she lives on her friends couch, has no job and apparently babysits her friends kids for her pot money....So she has no job, stays home all day with small kids, lives 2 miles away, SD is on summer break???? We haven't heard from her for even 1 day of visitation. You think she wants to take her full time??? HAHAHA. SAD. And we monitor SD's texts........she hasn't even texted her so much as "hi". BM sucks. SO would never send his precious snowflake away.........
Also, I'm not new to the teen
Also, I'm not new to the teen hormones/attitude. I have BS23, BD21 and BS15. This is just so over the top and my children would NEVER in a million years speak to me like this. I cringe every time I hear it. I guess I'm old fashioned with "respect your elders".
I didn't take daddy from BM
I didn't take daddy from BM she was long gone before I ever came around. 2 years gone.
Oh gotcha - yeah I've
Oh gotcha - yeah I've suggested that to him a few times and urge him to do stuff with her alone. He has no desire because of her attitude. Sigh!!!!
So I guess everyone is saying
So I guess everyone is saying I need to get in MOM mode with her. I have kinda stepped back because I didn't want to come down on her too. With the whole I don't have a mom and then my SM is a witch. I guess I too was feeling sorry for her and letting it slide. Going with not my kid, not my problem. Well that is simply not working - AT ALL.