Hi All. I've been following for quite some time and have considered this site a refuge for when I'm looking for guidance/inspiration in my own step situation. Almost four years ago I became involved with a man with a very young daughter. He was legally separated (she had an affair with her co-worker) but not yet divorced, and living with a friend. Because I've never had a relationship with anyone with a child or anyone who has been married, I asked to see the separation papers to verify the story. After almost a year of dating, my SO moved into my condo. I was in his daughter's life (2yrs old at this point) but she was not living in my home on his visitation nights. He would often take her to his mothers house or his brothers house during over nights to avoid any confusion as to my role. After about six months of living together, she started to spend more time in my home once we were sure we thought our relationship was on the right path. Not long after this step forward, his extremely "challenging" BM found out he was not only living with me, but that his daughter was spending time in my home. She showed up at my house in a fit of rage in the middle of the night to confront me on the fact that he was not yet legally divorced (which I was fully aware of, it's not instant unfortunately) and that she had been under the assumption this time apart was a break (we're talking well over a year) and that he was supposed to miss her and come home. WTH. I asked why she would assume that since he was LIVING with me for over six months and we had been dating for much longer than that. She was fully aware I was around all this time, so what triggered her to show up out of the blue is beyond me. She had been driving by my house and leaving her business card on my windshield like some sort of Lifetime movie script. Calling constantly when she knew we were together and he would answer on speaker phone because he wanted me to hear the crazy stuff she was saying. Well, after this attempted confrontation in my foyer, I told her to get lost before I called the cops. She did in fact leave, but this was the beginning of the war. When she left, she decided to take it upon herself to say my SO had been abusive during their entire relationship. She called the police, his employers in an attempt to get him fired and she called CPS and reported he was dangerous. She lashed out at his family and mine, calling my parents during my Gran's funeral to ask them how they could be proud of such a homewrecker. She decided to fabricate some crazy story that I was off on leave because of alcohol and drug abuse. I was on leave for four weeks because I got hit by a car. She contacted CPS and reported that I was a long time drug user and dangerous to her child (not realizing I worked there for 6 years. Guess she didn't do enough research). This went on for ages. She told my SO that she would stop all of this if he signed an agreement saying he would not bring his daughter within 50 yards of me. Ridiculous. The courts stepped in (barely) and the divorce was granted and the visitation schedule regulated. CPS politely reminded her that there are people out there that actually need their services, they can't waste time on false claims. The police pretty much told her the same thing. So then she just decided to stalk me. Drove by my condo constantly, I would see her in my rearview mirror on my way home from work. She would text me rotten things and had her mother stalking me as well. They both started writing trash on my facebook and leaving me drunk voicemails. We had the lawyer send them a letter saying its all been recorded and there were grounds for criminal harassment charges if they did not stop. Great, get the point and go away already right? Nope. They then decided to tell this 2yr old little girl that I am dangerous. I'm a scary stranger and she shouldn't look or talk to me. My family was dangerous as well. Anytime we had her she would cry and scream for her mom, wouldn't look at me. Wouldn't talk to me or any of my family. She had been around for months before this drama and was absolutely fine. She was always very sweet and loving until all this happened. I was persistent, and read every book/article I could find, spoke to child counselors and other step parents. Over time, things started to improve. Just kidding! Years have passed, SD is now 5 and while things might be better with her, they are not great. She is a wonderful little girl but some things are just a bit off. We cant go more than a week without some sort of drama with BM. Not just fighting over pick ups and drop offs, but crazy lies that take us weeks to get SD5 to stop believing. SO went to pick her up from school and she ran away screaming and crying because "somebody" (she says she can't remember who) told her we were kidnapping her and putting her on an airplane to somewhere far away and that she would never see her mom again. She is too young to make this stuff up. I've had to take the phone off the hook when we have SD because BM will call repeatedly because she cant sleep without hearing SD5's voice. That's crazy. I let SD5 answer once on speakerphone and BM kept saying she needed SD and that she's sorry SO didn't love them enough to stay together as a family. I politely told SD it was bed time and hung up. Phone calls are no longer allowed unless SO is there to hear them. BM is living with a man and his two kids so her behavior is somewhat regulated when he is home, but on the weeks that he is on afternoon shift, she is impossible to deal with. She has refused to follow the schedule on multiple occasions (holidays especially) and has just ignored SO's calls completely and gone out of town on his scheduled weekends. If she finds out SO has to work on his scheduled time, she refuses to give SD5 to me because I am not family. BM, her BF and his kids are her new family, SO and I are not. Who says that to a kid? Luckily her BF has his head on straight and he has intervened on more than one occasion. Still, this has gotten so out of hand that now, three years later, it is going back before a judge. One of the most insane things about this whole situation, is that even though she has done all this to SO and SD5, some of his family STILL includes her in family functions. Again, WTH. Please, all you experienced steps out there...tell me how you get through it. Do the kids grow up recognizing how much you tried to protect them? Does BM EVER fade into the background? SO and I want to get married and move forward with our own life. He is an amazing partner and a wonderful father. I was trying to wait until all this drama settles with BM but it doesn't seem like that will ever happen. Do we just move forward anyways? I feel conflicted between doing what's right for me and doing what's right for SD5. And what about the in-laws? Does there have to be a discussion regarding BM? I thought after all the terrible things she's done and is still doing, they would have cut her out of the picture but no, seems I have unreal expectations. Thanks for letting me vent, I'm just getting warmed up...