Last night I examined sd5 and determined that her wound will in fact scar.

A few weeks ago while kids were at BM's over the weekend sd5 got hurt. BM's b/f's(Dingus) house isn't fully finished. When Dingus had his nice home foreclosed on last year they started looking. Because neither have a job they couldn't rent with no verifiable income so they had to take a chunk of his retirement money and pay a substantial down payment on a house. He had been living off of said funds so he didn't have as much to put down, thusly they bought a POS run down shanty in the middle of nowhere. The house had no ceilings and no walls due to mold and water damage. It also had no plumbing and wasn't wired for electrical. They had about a year to live in the other foreclosure still while they "flipped" the shanty. Dingus decided that he didn't feel like driving that far (about 25 min) daily to work on the shanty so he borrowed his moms travel trailer and parked it in the driveway. BM, Dingus, BM's adult daughter, Dingus's 3 kids and Skids lived in the travel trailer while they visited. This went on for about 7-8 months. How Dingus could do this to his own children was beyond me, but FDH was pretty pissed about it when it came to his. It took a while before we actually found out about it because BM told all the skids not to tell. Winter rolls around and they finally finish the upper level of the house. They have all the bedrooms, a kitchen and 1 functioning bathroom. They have electricity in half the house and running water in all of it. So they move everyone in. Skids aren't allowed to take their shoes off in the house because all of the lower level floors are covered in tack strips and have no flooring. Dingus managed to put in drywall and treat for mold sufficiently I guess. Well according to sd15 the house has a variety of random holes in it. Places where there isn't flooring or there are no connecting vents. You can actually see into the kitchen through one of the bedrooms so sd15 likes to drop things through it. Turns out one fine day sd5 comes home and promptly rips up her shirt in the driveway and says "Daddy! Look at my owwie!" sure enough an owwie it is. She has enormous cuts from her hip to her armpit. FDH says to her "honey what happened?" Response: I fell through the floor at mommy's house. BM quickly steps in "Well she actually fell through a vent hole, see we told her not to go into that room but she wouldn't listen and so she fell through into the basement (then hurriedly) but she didn't hit the concrete in the basement! She landed on the pool table we are storing down there." Fabulous. FDH can't even speak or look at her. He says to me later "I had no words. I couldn't even think of something to say to her to possibly addresses that" I don't blame him. She blamed sd5 for falling in, then justifies it because she didn't actually hit the concrete. Come to find out later that ss3 fell through another hole but managed to catch himself with his foot and climb back out. Later I go to treat her wounds again and sd9 informs me that mom did take care of the wound. She put Vaseline on it and didn't have any band-aids so she made her a bandage out of duct tape and paper towel. Sd9 seems to think this is the appropriate way to care for a wound. She keeps asking what this "Neosporin" stuff is. I'm like oh priceless. That explains the black sticky patches all over her side. I've been taking care of it for about 3 weeks now and it has finally healed to the point where the skin is smooth, but the marks still remain. FDH asked later on when they would be done with the house - so has CPS (ironically WE weren't the ones who called them. Dingus's Ex wife was!) BM replies that Dingus has tapped out all of his secondary incomes and that it wont be until they can get more money in. Basically never. The kids will visit the shithole forever. That is our affectionate term for BM's house. Apparently mom's house is a scarring experience!

FDH and I are always worried about sending skids to her house. There is no supervision or rules and the house is clearly dangerous. sd5 tells FDH before she goes "Daddy I will try not to get hurt at Mom's this time ok?". It is sad and sd15 sometimes goes with to BM's on FDH request to keep an eye on them and make sure they don't get hurt. Sd15 has removed decomposing animals from ss3 that he was playing with. She has pulled sd5 out of the lit burn pile when she got knocked in fighting with Dingus's son. sd15 has had conversations with BM about watching them more.

I can't wait until we move far away from her. We won't have to worry about his kids ending up dead in her care. FDH really struggles with the concept of giving them the time they need with their mother and not giving them enough time to get seriously injured since he calls the visitation shots. I don't envy him. He gets to be the scapegoat. "Daddy doesn't let me see you enough, I miss you soooo much, It isn't fair that I can't see you more but dad won't let me" but all the while knowing that if he sends them more they won't be cared for - even by BM as evidenced by previous blog about ss3 locked in van.

I feel sorry for my skids. I feel sorry for FDH and I. I WISH we could send them more often. Not because they're bad, but because we need a break sometimes. Because they are her responsibility too, because she owes them. Owes us. She won't pay CS, won't work, won't pay for daycare, activities, or schooling. The least she could do is have them and actually watch them. FDH brought up to her that it was bullshit that I work at the daycare and have ss3's daycare costs deducted from MY check so he can attend when SHE is supposed to be paying at least half! She is actually supposed to pay all of it but he offered her just half of everything to be nice because we are definitely better off than her. Even if we are better off it doesn't mean we don't struggle. Doesn't mean we don't actually want to have a savings account, or prepare for college for them. But no, BM is useless. She doesn't pay for anything, doesn't provide anything in the way of Time, Energy, Supervision, Money, Or Emotional Support. I never thought I would say about someone that they are a bad mother. I always thought that was for people who were jealous or uneducated about a situation, because every mother had SOMETHING to give their kids. The more I am on this site, and the longer I am a SM I have come to see that my ideals are not the same as many of these BMs and they are about as useful as a poopy flavored lollipop. They bitch about THEIR rights to THEIR child but flake out on seeing their child or caring for their child or even making their child an emotional trainwreck.

I like the little tag that one poster here has that says to an effect: Stepmoms are God's way of apologizing for giving children a crappy mom

I'm starting to believe that. My skids lacked life skills before I came along. They couldn't do a thing for themselves and they just wandered their home with no direction and no abilities. I don't even care if one day they grow up to hate me (I feel this is unlikely - I just don't rule it out) because I know I gave these kids something useful. They can cook! They can care for themselves, keep a schedule, pick out an outfit. They can eat at a table in a restaurant properly. They can do their best and feel proud of themselves. They can keep a house, bake something from scratch, and speak without sounding illiterate. That is something, and I can feel proud of that no matter what our status with one another may be. I have forever impacted these children and whether they choose to acknowledge me or not they will take part of me away with them every time they make an apple pie or show their own kids how to vaccuum. I won't ever replace BM, but to know that I can give her children a better upbringing makes me take my job very seriously and makes me very proud of their successes.