Does Anyone Else Have. . .
relatives of biodad (on his side) that think you are LoAdEd because how could you possibly AFFORD everything you have seeing that biodad pays so much CS that he couldn't support himself in his wildest dreams?
Case in point: Biodad's older half brother. NEVER EVER calls unless he wants something. Same thing with Biodad's grown nephew.
Biodad's older half brother (there are many of them as well as half sisters) had knee surgery.
We don't exchange xmas gifts with ANY of his relatives because they are never around unless, once again, they want something.
Oh I've tried! Used to send them Xmas and Birthday greeting cards. NEVER reciprocated.
So after this guy's knee surgery he calls, BIODAD! Biodad RACES out there to buy him groceries (with my money of course)
Then doesn't hear from again until he wants something: to borrow my mower--his is waiting for a part (this guy is a motorhead btw)
It takes boatloads of prompting to get him to return my mower. He then returns it without putting any gas in it that he's used. He spies the Ford truck that is going to be scrapped. "I WANT THAT MOTOR!" he says.
Biodad: "SURE!"
I remind Biodad later that day that we've done a LOT for older half brother. Put in a new boiler, etc. This IRKS Biodad as he LOVES to buy people's love (although that NEVER works)
So then Biodad wants to give away my OLD mower to his half brother as well "in exchange for work on the jeep" (TM). Work that could be EASILY done by either biodad or done for FREE through Biodad's job!!!!!
In essence between the motor giveaway and the mower (which I'm desparately trying to sell on Craigslist BEFORE Biodad gives it away to his lazy, greedy half brother) in exchange for a $200 cob job on the jeep. Yep, $800 worth of merchandise for a $200 cob job that will most likely take months based on half brother's previous track record.
And of course Biodad gets angry at ME for pointing out very politely that we have OVERPAID half brother by a mile. Calls me "selfish" and "greedy" and a "money grubber."
Seriously Biodad? I guess he can NEVER EVER tell he's (read: I am) being used by either BM, skids or HIS OWN FAMILY MEMBERS!!!
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Comments
PUt your money in an acct
PUt your money in an acct with your name only. Only leave enuf in joint checking for the bills...or just pay the bills out of your money. People can only take advantage of what you allow them to. He has no access to your money, then he can't give it away.
People (especially BM) think
People (especially BM) think that I make a lot more than I do because DH and I are responsible with money. We live below our means and don't carry any revolving debt. Our cars (which are modest) are paid off, we don't have any more student loans, we don't have credit cards other than one we use for everything (for points) and pay off every month. We save and when we want to do extras we use overtime or influxes (those few months where we get an extra paycheck)
I know a lot of people who make more than us and have to wait until Friday to grocery shop, wait until the last minute to buy school supplies and will argue at a restaurant to get their bill lowered. I know people like you mentioned in the OP who just mooch because they assume other people have it to spare and they are entitled to it. I'm sorry that I know how to prioritize, have patience when I do want a big ticket item and have the ability to tell my child no, I don't see how that makes me responsible for your needs.
Don't get me wrong, I have no issue helping people who get in a rough patch or taking the time to donate things rather than just throw them away. I have watched several kids for people for free because they were single moms, passed down clothes or baby gear to a friend who knows a friend who is pregnant etc. I take issue with the people that **expect** it and are ungrateful about it.
I envy the fact that your DH
I envy the fact that your DH is responsible with money. Mine is NOT!! We have completely separate finances, separate auto insurance, separate EVERYTHING. But because he brings home, really a PITTANCE of money, he ALWAYS has to have me "help out."
Biodad still has to be the "good guy" to his relatives who, by the way, are very chummy with the BM!! I think HE thinks that word will get out about his "humanitarianism" which is directly (or indirectly) financed by ME! Nice to be generous with other people's money!!
Lol well DH isn't responsible
Lol well DH isn't responsible with money, I am. I handle all of our money and he gets an "allowance"
Before thinking I am a psycho control freak, this was a mutual decision. There are things that I am good at and DH falls short. There are things that DH is good at that I am terrible. When we met and started dating DH was very complimentary on the fact that I had my shit together. (he is a little bit older than me) Anyway, as we got more serious and started having financial discussions he asked me for help with some of his outstanding debt (long story but I wasn't always good with money and was able to pay off thousands in debt in about a year)
We have shared/split finances but I handle all of the bills. So, basically, we have a joint account to pay bills, groceries and "family" money. What is left after that gets divided between savings, his money and mine in our own accounts. He does with his and I do with mine. It's not always perfect but prior to being with me DH never had money so I didn't really blame him for having to adjust to what it's like to be able to write a check to the school without going without something that week.
When the skids WERE coming
When the skids WERE coming they would DEMAND to eat out all the time. They refused to eat any homecooked meal, which by the way, I cook very often and am an Alton Brown/Barefoot Contessa/Emeril disciple so my cooking is very good if I do say so myself.
I think this is just another way that the BM gets her digs in although zero contact. These relatives are buddy buddy with biodad's full blood brother; the one who happened to take the BM's side in the divorce. Just have his relatives sponge off of me to further increase the pressure; they all know that biodad can only say NO to one person and that's ME!
That's my favorite... BM here
That's my favorite... BM here does the same, shopping, going out to eat all of the time, etc.
I remember the look on the skids faces when DH and I first started dating and went somewhere and I packed a picnic for everyone. "whenever we come with mom we always get pizza etc." that's fantastic, your mom doesn't have hot water this week and that's why your with us! (true story, the week after her vacation their "hot water tank broke" and had to be fixed... yeah, it was shut off but hey they got to see mickey mouse!
I do have to give my skids
I do have to give my skids and DH credit. They adjust well to the differences. At first everything we did was weird (naturally) but now, they get so excited that I make dinner every night. The one day they came OSD was like "Can you please make spaghetti tonight if you don't already know what we're having, we have had KFC for three days in a row because BM is sick"... so yeah, sometimes it has to be reminded but I know BM doesn't hold back so they constantly hear her complaining about money but what they "overhear" (I use quotes because a lot of times it's on purpose) is conversations about prioritizing and saving up for something.