Who should have driven?
I have been looking for an answer to this all day, and finally found this form. Hopefully someone can give advice or something.
DH picked up skids on Friday after school, and when he got home SS11 said he needed his inhaler, (he has severe asthma) When DH went to get it from his medicine bag the inhaler was empty.
We live 1 hour away from BM. DH texted BM and said that she would need to have his inhaler script filled, and drive it to us since she sent an empty one with the skids, and he had already driven to her town and back.
She texted back that it's his responsibility to make sure he has the medicine during our weekends with him and that she wouldn't get it, and that he had to make the trip.
How is it his responsibility to make sure that SS11 has adequate medicine when BM is the one who packs for them? I don't understand her reasoning at all. Fortunately a friend of mine had a brand new inhaler that is the same script that he was able to use for the weekend. I want to tell DH that he should not pick the kids up at the sitters if they don't have the things they need, but then I feel bad that they would miss out on their weekends with their dad. BM is constantly doing stuff like this and I think it's on purpose because their is always something she forgets to pack for them, and always says to DH, you are the one responsible to drive to get this stuff since you are the one who moved an hour away. (I would like to point out that they both moved from their original town at the same time so she is 1/2 hour farther than she used to be). But I think DH leaving them just once would make her stop with her games. Any other ideas on getting BM to stop being so irresponsible?
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Comments
I don't understand why you
I don't understand why you don't have an inhaler for the kid that stays at your house. The doctor can't have 1 refill for a pharmacy near you? You couldn't have had the refill called in near you? This is DH's irresponsibility, not BM's. I couldn't imagine having a kid with severe asthma and not having a back up on hand at all times. It is hard to tell when an inhaler is almost out...
I agree it should be possible
I agree it should be possible that an inhaler is available at dad's. But I've only ever used the powder inhalers, where it is clear how many doses are left. I think you're talking about puffers?
This was my first thought as
This was my first thought as well. Dad should have a prescription on file at his local pharmacy. Call the doctor's office, explain the situation and ask for your own prescription to stay at Dad's house that Dad can refill as needed.
You need to make sure that
You need to make sure that your household has duplicate items of everything. We never sent a bag back and forth. If they needed meds or anything it was a duplicate prescription. Just not antibiotics. We made sure we had everything they needed so we didn't have to go back and forth.
I think DH should have ALL
I think DH should have ALL necessities (including prescription meds) at his house to prevent these things from happening. The kid(s) shouldn't be punished for irresponsible parents.
And he'd be a fill in the blank for not exercising his visitation over something like that. He's not hurting BM, he's hurting his kids.
If it isn't written in the
If it isn't written in the CO, I would have had your DH take the inhaler up to the local pharmacy and gotten it filled but that's just me. This way BM wouldn't get the frantic phone call or the satisfaction of "screwing him over"
My DH would never rely on BM.
My DH would never rely on BM. He would have had inhalers at home. Not picking up his children to prove some point would not be an option for him.
BTDT many times. Is it
BTDT many times. Is it possible for your DH to call the kids pediatrician and ask him for a dup script that you can keep at your house?
That is the easiest way. No you will never get BM to do anything responsible if she doesn't care if her kid needs meds. She will just turn it into....you dad doesn't even care if you have an asthma attack.
good to know re: other
good to know re: other meds.
I know for us...inhalers ARE able to be duplicated.
BM would do this with the
BM would do this with the ADHD meds and it wasn't pretty. She would forget them and tell DSO he could come get them or refill them after he picked skids up. DSO quit playing her game. Once YSS started his meltdown and want to go to Moooommmmmmyyyyyyysssss, he would pack them up and it taught BM she was the loser on that little game.
Ok...I guess I will be the
Ok...I guess I will be the one who goes against other posters. I'm not sure how everyone's insurance works, but my insurance company would reject a script for a duplicate prescription - so it would be difficult for dad to keep duplicate meds at his house. I would never send my child anywhere without ensuring his inhaler was full and ready to use. What would have happened if the child had an attack while in school and his inhaler was empty? Why didn't BM have the inhaler filled? I personally think it was irresponsible of BM not to ensure that the child had his inhaler.
True. But how does assigning
True.
But how does assigning blame to her help the kid?
And moreso in line with what OP said...how does him not exercising visitation help ANYTHING?
It wasn't she wouldn't have
It wasn't she wouldn't have them filled, she wanted Dad to run back to her house and get it. Playing the drive all over, stress out, use up gas money game.
@bearcub...That's my point.
@bearcub...That's my point. I would never play games when it came to my kid regardless of how much I dislike my ex, especially when it comes to such an important medication.
@Bio-step - If it was the other way around and the child's father didn't make sure the inhaler was full, I would blame him. I didn't mean to put the blame solely on BMs as much as putting the blame on the person who actually thought it was more important to play the "drive all over, stress out, use up gas money."
I get what you are saying,
I get what you are saying, but the father IS also to blame.
Doesn't he know his child has asthma? And if BM IS an ahole, doesn't he know that too?
So he can't be clueless. He should double check on something as important as medicine.
Stuff like this pisses me off
Stuff like this pisses me off because I would think as a mother, she would want her kid to have his medicine and any other necessities. Yes, I know there is the argument that Dad should have everything at his house as well, but if it was my kid, I wouldn't chance it.
The first time my SD came for the weekend after DH and I moved in together, I was shocked that BM sent only clothes, not even pajamas. Of course, I knew after that to have things for her but I found it odd that a mother would send her kid off for the weekend with practically nothing.
There is no excuse for these kinds of games at the children's expense.
No, there is absolutely
No, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that as long as everybody is on the same page. But if I didn't know that bio dad was going to have what my kid needed, I would send it.
SD went home with every piece of clothing she brought with her, I had no interest in keeping it.
the simple solution was to go
the simple solution was to go to a pharmacy near you have the script transferred so that you could have picked it up closer to your home.
I do understand that DH
I do understand that DH should make sure that we have a dupe script on hand at home. I know he has one at school along with his EPI pen. The problem I have with this is that BM knew it was a long weekend, she knows that the skids are picked up at the sitters long after the pediatricians office is closed, and that she has to call in the script because it's her drug plan. DH picked up the skids on Friday, she called the script in on Wed. She knew it was empty and didn't bother picking it up for 3 days. She didn't bother to call DH to let him know that she hadn't picked it up so that he could. The part that is the most annoying is that it is a game to her to make him drive around, wasting gas, and ruining his time with skids purposely, and I think that if she isn't responsible enough to pack it she should have been the one taking time out to bring it to him. When I said that DH should leave them at the sitters if they don't have their proper medicine was not to make the kids suffer at all. I just think she needs to learn to quit playing games. And trust me, she would have the correct medicine and the kids packed up so fast and driven to my house if that were the case, she would probably arrive 5 minutes after DH. She is a party all weekend long kind of BM, who sleeps until 2 pm even on the weekends she has the skids.