I'm happy to report that 3 years into my marriage with SS11 and SD7, things have gotten markedly better. SD7 reported to me that she pulled out another one of her own teeth. This is the child whose BM would not pull her daughter's teeth or take her to the dentist when she had loose teeth and new ones growing in. I literally had to pull out her first four teeth; DH wouldn't do it, BM wouldn't do it. SD7 also just reported that when BM said "pick out a cereal" in the cereal aisle, SD7 decided ON HER OWN to choose oatmeal. This is the child who I'm sure hated my guts for banning sugary cereals for breakfast, cooking hot, homemade breakfasts, and sometimes serving oatmeal, which she would take over an hour to eat and kept asking if she had to finish it, in between complaints of not wanting to eat it because she didn't like it. She not only was served oatmeal, but she needed it in her system to give her some fiber. She's allowed to eat whatever she wants, as much or as little of it as she wants, when at BM's house. DH wasn't much better before I came into the picture. For her to pick something when she is with BM that is healthy to eat, and to start a conversation with me about how her older college freshman sister is choosing healthy snacks for college, shows me my SD7 has come a long way. My work is not in vain. I'm not preaching to empty pews. Something I'm doing matters. My SS11 COULD NOT READ before I got a hold of him. Now, he's coming to our room to tell us a funny part of a book he's reading in his room. A book he was reading without having been told or forced to read. My Skids will be better, do better, know better, because of me. I went through the shock of discovering what I had gotten myself into, the anger and pain from being bombarded with foolishness and non-stop drama, being ignored, purposely hurt, and constantly annoyed. I finally land on my feet with peace. With balance. I care and want the best for them, but I no longer obsess about compensating for all their deficits. I no longer make it my problem. I no longer make myself responsible for what I did not create and what I cannot cure. I feel freer. Not totally free yet, but fee-er than I was before. I was in a prison before. I was being controlled by the drama of the house. I'm in so much more control now. inhale. hold. breathe out.