Hey hun, i know exactly how you're feeling and i feel the same literally EVERY TIME SD5 is round...I find myself counting down the hours till she comes and all the drama and arguments kick off again. I feel like second best when she's here, its almost like my bf drops me when she comes round and puts on the whole 'guilty daddy act' then expects everything to go back to normal once she's gone home.

How old are your step kids?

Someone on here helped me a lot yesterday by saying I should be grateful it's just visitations and that they dont live here all the time...that I couldnt deal with!! At the end of the day SD is here for 24hrs at a time, surely I should be grown up to keep my mouth shut for that amount of time. This weekend Ive decided to make an extra special effort to have an argument-free weekend for a change..we'll see if it works!!

Good luck hun x

I feel exactly like you do. About 30 minutes before my SS(almost 10) comes home from school, anxiety starts to kick in. I feel my blood pressure rising and I feel nauseous. He's with his Mom this weekend. (He flys out to visit here once a month). The feeling in this house is so peaceful right now. My DH and I have been getting along better than ever, laughing, and able to focus on our 3 year old son. I'm looking forward to when my SS stays with with BM for the majority of the summer. I wish he could live with her. At first, despite my feelings for him, I thought it was best for him to be with us because we can provide for him and give him stability, and we value education. But since he doesn't care about school and continues to "forget" to turn things in and refuses to study for tests, and just acts spoiled, I don't know why he shouldn't go live with his mother who also doesn't think education is important. Why should I have to deal with the stress of living with someone I don't like when he's not taking anything positive from being with us. Nobody wins in this situation!

I have an appointment scheduled with a therapist. If I can't control the fact that he lives with us, I have to be able to figure out how not to be completely miserable. I'll be sure to share with you guys anything helpful that stands out. First appointment isn't until the end of June, and I am looking forward to it! I think we're all in a rough position. Because we choose our friends, spouses, and our biokids are raised by us and our spouses. But we can't choose our SKs, and they are strongly influenced by their BMs. It's unlike any other scenario. People that aren't SMs will never be able to say honestly that they understand. I absolutely refuse to talk about it with anyone that isn't a SM in a similar situation, because those who aren't seem to think they have all the answers. Guess what, babysitting a kid that isn't yours doesn't qualify you as an expert on being a Stepmom! Even working as a nanny or working at a school doesn't make you any more relevant. And if you are a stepmom, and you have a SK that isn't a brat, spoiled, etc, or if they are, a husband that handles your SK properly, then you got lucky! You can't go around telling other SMs how to feel if you've had a smoothe ride. It completely changes the experience.

I'm with you girls too...except mine lives with us full time and hardly ever goes to her mother's so I get no break. I beat myself up over my feelings because I know it doesn't have to be that way. My stepdaughter from a previous marriage was the best. I loved having her around. She wasn't a spoiled, manipulative, annoying child like this one is. Honestly I don't think I have ever just felt numb about a person but I do. I realize it really isn't her fault that she is such a difficult child, it is her raising. I really don't like to be around her. It is all about her all the time. Her wants come before everything. She constantly whines, expects everything to be done for her, expects lots of money to be spent on her and gets very nasty if that doesn't happen. She is very immature....bout the level of a five year old. This 10 year old runs our entire home and because she is given adult status in the home she holds the place that a wife would and I am more like the live-in housekeeper and there is nothing I can do about it but leave.

timetolive...you have great ideas..I could spend hours in my garden. I love to cook too but sometimes that brings on more stress than tranquility when you have a kids constantly underfoot asking questions and never liking what I make.
I also like what you quoted about the frozen judgement. In my mind my BF daughter hasn't grown..mentally or physically (from having such poor eating habits)Matter of fact I think she has gone the other direction. I really need focus more on good things...I know they are there. I was once told "you must let go of the bad in order to make room for the good" That is true. I have a long way to go and hopefully some counseling would help me.

The problem is that the husband expects us SM to take care of their children. I have three SK. And when they come over I feel like the maid and the only parent (BM and BF). Their is no control in either house. The SK run everything the BM don't do anything with her kids. I feel ya. Sometimes I wish that I never married my husband. I tell him that I'm not the mother and for him to start acting Luke the father not his kids friends. I felt alone in this situation. But I'm glad I can talk with people in the same situation. I don't think men have it as bad as women do.