Seriously BM?
So I get a text from BM. Seems SD12 has been complaining that at our house she doesn't have her own box of menstrual pads.
Oh horror of all horrors, she has to share with DD20 and me {{{GASP}}}.
So BM tells me I need to go buy princess her own box of pads since that is what she's used to at BM's house.
I tell BM that she doesn't get to tell me what to do in MY house. I will always make sure SD12 has pads available for her use, but I will buy whatever pads I wish in whatever way I choose. BM is, of course, welcome to purchase special princess pads for SD12 if that's what she wants to do, but in this house, I AM THE QUEEN. So Fu#&k off, BM.
We use good name brand pads. No, SD12 doesn't have her own box and hell will freeze over before she gets her own box. If she'd asked me nicely I wouldn't have thought a thing about it, just went out and got the damn box of pads, but try to force me to buy pads through BM??? Hell no.
One of these days SD12 is going to learn not to mess with her wicked stepmother.
- katielee's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Not an exact quote but close
Not an exact quote but close lol.
ha ha super tampons!
ha ha super tampons!
I loved OB tampons. I was so
I loved OB tampons. I was so sad to see them pulled from the market. Luckily my IUD has kicked in and no periods for me
Wait, whoa...when did they
Wait, whoa...when did they get pulled from the market? I still use them. I just bought some a month ago.
I buy pads for SD13 and every
I buy pads for SD13 and every month she needs more. She's been taking them to BM's when she leaves. Well I will not be purchasing any more pads.
Me too! I've stopped buying
Me too! I've stopped buying pads for sd15 since she takes them back home to her mom's when she leaves here. We only have her one weekend a month and it's always THAT weekend. I asked her 3 times to not take the pads I buy for her home. She says she won't and then I see them in her bag. One time she was caught with handfuls of them from my stash. (and before you ask, her mom and stepdad are not poor and can easily afford her supplies) Now I tell DH to remind her to bring her own.
Right! So she can share with
Right! So she can share with mommy! That's as bad as mine trying to order Chinese food to take leftovers home to mommy.
Bravo!
Bravo!
Do they still come with toxic
Do they still come with toxic shock syndrome?
Erm, what's the problem? She
Erm, what's the problem?
She was probably uncomfortable talking to you about it and I think she should be able to choose which pads she will be using.
Just because you are the 'queen' in your house doesn't mean you should use that position for such petty things. Why do you care which pads she uses? Just because you like a certain brand doesn't mean she should like and use them too. Pads are something she should get to choose. This is really sad.
Not sad when DH pays child
Not sad when DH pays child support and BM tries to run every little angle of your lives. Without pouring over past blogs, I would venture to guess that this is just one of many orders BM has given SM over time.
Nothing wrong with a pre-teenager's discretion in bringing her own period products to visitation. Sanitary products are very expensive.
I agree with all of this
I agree with all of this except for making sure they are available for the skids when she runs out. BM should be buying them. End of story. I helped DH's daughter since she had her first period at our house but I'm not keeping her stocked up. She brings what she needs from BM's house now.
Does she bring her own toilet
Does she bring her own toilet paper too??
That's a strange analogy.
That's a strange analogy. Most women carry their supplies in their purses and take then everywhere they go. I would think that isn't as common with toilet paper. SD can do the same thing the rest of us do and get her own or let her mother supply them.
If I lived in two houses as
If I lived in two houses as skids do then I would have two sets of supplies. I wouldn't take 2 or 3 or more days supplies with me. Yes when i go away on holiday or visit someone then I take them with me, but that is a one off, not every (other) week. It just seems to be an extra way that SM's can punish their skids by being petty over sanitary supplies. I understand there are extreme cases where if they all disappear back to BM's house on a regular occurrence then you may say enough is enough, but to just outright deny them essential supplies sounds unusually petty to me.
Oh, good grief. They don't
Oh, good grief. They don't live here, they visit EOWE. I use cups and obs. The girl wouldn't know how to use those and probably wouldn't want to learn. They aren't for everybody. I don't use pads and I'm not supplying them to someone else's kid. There is no punishing going on.
You shouldn't have to supply
You shouldn't have to supply them. It should be dad's job to make sure his daughter has what she needs while she is in his home.
^^This. If SM doesn't want to
^^This. If SM doesn't want to buy them then dad should be providing them. It doesn't really matter where they come from, but they should be supplied.
She provides sanitary
She provides sanitary supplies.
in case you were wondering,
in case you were wondering, SD likes the Kotex Super Maxi with no wings, she's just too shy to bring it up so I thought I'd pass it along
That approach probably would have resulted in the SD getting what she wanted, the SM feeling non-defensive, and the BM gaining respect in another woman's household.
Why is it so hard to be a "normal human"?
"Pads are something she
"Pads are something she should get to choose. This is really sad."
Yeah but she doesn't get to choose who will buy them for her unless she is buying them herself. The BM here has no right telling the SM she has to buy anything. If BM wants her to have her own special pads at BD's house then she can buy them.
SD12 actually picked out the
SD12 actually picked out the pads we have right now. She has NO problem talking to me about it because she has done it a hundred times. We use Always Pads and that is what SD12 used at her mom's house before she moved in with us. There is no issue with the pads we buy and there is no issue with princess feeling uncomfortable talking about it.
The issue is that SD12 wants to cause drama. She needs the drama because she is an attention-whore. She loves nothing more than to be the center of big shit storms.
All this aside, she might truly want her own box of pads. If that is the case then I have only one thing to say.
Tough shit, princess.
I totally get this!!! They
I totally get this!!! They do things to cause drama or get attention it has nothing to do with the pads at all. Like you said if what you provide isn't good enough tough shit LOL!!!
So, I'm passive aggressive
So, I'm passive aggressive and sometimes it's gets me into trouble, but if you want to go the PA route...
Do you have any type of old shoe box, cardboard box, whatever? Write SD's name on it, put some of the pads in it, put it next to where you keep the pads.
Are you serious? That's
:jawdrop: Are you serious? That's something we might JOKE about on here, but to actually do it is a whole different story! It's actually kinda scary and demented. If someone sent me a box of something that had blood in it I would be a bit freaked out.
I guess she was pissed that you left bloody underwear in the hamper, but that's going a little too far. You really do have a wicked SM. Why does she have such negative feelings towards you? Is it really just because she wanted your dad to herself? My SM wasn't outright mean to us, but was passive-aggressive.
OMG that is wayyyy to far.
OMG :jawdrop: that is wayyyy to far.
::Hangs head in shame about suggesting immature behavior::
I was only kidding about putting a box there, I wouldn't do that. I would never do what your SM did. I can be passive aggressive with DH when confrontation doesn't do the trick but I agree with you and don't think that is an effective way to parent or stepparent.
If she'd asked me nicely I
If she'd asked me nicely I wouldn't have thought a thing about it, just went out and got the damn box of pads
OP clearly stated she has no problem purchasing whatever products the SD needed.
It's when a demand is made from an offsite BM that a problem exists.
It isn't about the pads. It's about boundaries.
Onebanana sounds like my DH when he's whining about something he is clearly wrong about: "Oh whhhhyy is this a big deal, you meanie pickle head? It's just a [fill in the blank]"
Boundaries. Learn them. Respect them. Good fences make good neighbors.
The problem may have beem the
The problem may have beem the delivery.
I don't see why having her own box is a problem.
When SD16 spends the summer with her, her dad will take her to Target and have her stock up on "The Stuff" she needs to get through the summer. She keeps her stuff stashed in her bags.
Maybe if the OP would have reacted differently if mom had been a bit nicer.
I would have react totally
I would have react totally differently if SD12 had not been trying to cause drama. This kid IS NOT uncomfortable talking to me about this stuff. She does it all the time. She was just trying to get shit started like usual. Pretty soon she's gonna get it through her head that every time she stirs the shit pot, she will be the one to lick the spoon.
Absolutely lol. It's not
Absolutely lol. It's not mine...I heard it somewhere on Facebook I think
The problem may have beem the
The problem may have beem the delivery.
I don't see why having her own box is a problem.
When SD16 spends the summer with her, her dad will take her to Target and have her stock up on "The Stuff" she needs to get through the summer. She keeps her stuff stashed in her bags.
Maybe if the OP would have reacted differently if mom had been a bit nicer.
"everyone can see that
"everyone can see that special princess has her own personal box of jumbo maxi pads to bleed all over by her big girl self."
LMFAO
I think the BM here just
I think the BM here just should have sent SD with her own pads if it was that big of a deal.
I totally understand SD maybe not wanting to talk to SM about it. And I totally understand liking a certain pad brand. Especially as a teenager.
BUT the BM just should have said okay SD next time you go there, just bring your own box or keep some in your purse and use your own when you need to.
Yes. Sad that SD12 confided
Yes. Sad that SD12 confided in BM and that instead of providing them to her girl, she blew up on SM. I NEVER would have done that to my girl.
I guess I am the odd ball on
I guess I am the odd ball on this one but I think menstrual pads are just a necessity and should be provided in a home like food and medicine. That is not something that only should be provided at one home and not the other, imo.
I agree with onebanana.
When my DD was at home she had a specific type of pads that she preferred and I had a different type that I preferred. So I bought both and she had hers and I had mine, no biggie. I think it is hard enough to go through that every month and the least you can do is make sure the girl is comfortable and clean.
See my reply above. We have
See my reply above. We have SD12's "brand" of pads. It's not like we're buying cheap generic pads (though that is an option if SD wants to run her mouth anymore). My daughter prefers tampons and panty liners. We have those in the house, as well, but they are not exclusively my daughter's menstrual supplies. Occasionally I use them and SD uses the panty liners. I think this is just one more way for entitled princesses to make themselves the center of attention and sorry, it's not going to work around here.
Community pads. Wicked, I know, but that's the rule of the house.
Sorry, if she is just trying
Sorry, if she is just trying to cause drama then I feel for you! I have been through the drama many of times with SS and BM.
Good lord can no one see that
Good lord can no one see that this is not really about pads? It's about BM trying to insert herself and tell the op what she must buy in her own home. Omg precious SD has to share pads? The horror! An item that 2 other women in the house us end she doesn't get her own? Oh good lord this is not the same as a toothbrush! It's more along the lines of toilet paper or cereal. Would anyone think it would be ok for BM to demand that SD get her own cornflakes because SD wants Kellogg and not the store brand? Or just wants her own box? How stupid, she can share, it's certainly not a big deal and the girl is not being deprived.
Honestly I can't figure out
Honestly I can't figure out why even bothered SM with this. I would have called dad. He's the parent so it's his job to make his kid has what she needs when she is with him.
LOL! Remind me to hide my
LOL! Remind me to hide my toothbrush the next time SD is mad at me! :sick:
Seriously. I'll sit on this
Seriously. I'll sit on this hill until I die. I'm just that wicked...muahhahahaha.
Never heard of someone's
Never heard of someone's brain rotting because they refused to buy a special box of pads for en entitled 12 year old but you are certainly welcome to think that if it makes you happy. Me? I ain't gonna lose sleep over it.
I expect sd to show up with
I expect sd to show up with her own feminine products except in an emergency situation. Every single tampon and pad that I had in the bathroom has been stolen by her. She's never even been her on her period. She just steals them. Not to mention the tampons her friend needed when they were here that I found all torn up in a pile in her room later.
Which sucks bc I have other ppl that sometimes ask for a spare. I told my SO, sd14 has already ruined it for herself. If she needs crap for her period, she better bring it or be prepared to ask her dad for it. I'm not participating in this anymore.
'put her in the backyard' -
'put her in the backyard' - bahahahaha!
I am so sorry that your SM
I am so sorry that your SM hurt you so badly that you have trouble finding humor in some of these posts.
I am completely serious...she can't be a very happy person to have held so much anger in her for so long. She really sounds like a witch.
I completely agree that there
I completely agree that there is a lot of projection going on.
Oh yeah, my mom used them.
Oh yeah, my mom used them. Thank god that they were on their way out when my cycle started.
Wait, Katielee, did you say
Wait, Katielee, did you say SD LIVES with YOU?
I think some of the OPs missed that little tidbit if in fact she does live with you.
BM has no business saying what she did. Your house. What's next -- SD doesn't like sharing her roll of TP or her towels?
Yes, we have full custody now
Yes, we have full custody now (fun, fun). BM still tries to call the shots (or SD12 through BM). Ain't gonna happen.
I haven't read all the posts
I haven't read all the posts yet, but since this topic will be coming up in our household very soon, why can't dad buy the pads when he's at the grocery store? I'm sure that's what will be happening here. They are expensive and I don't see my FDH expecting me to buy them for SD.
I wonder if maybe the SD feels guilty every time she goes for a pad out of a box that you bought (no matter who paid for them). Like she's afraid to use the last one or something.
I don't think I would be comfortable using my SM and step-sister's stash.
It was not appropriate for the BM to tell you what to do though.
LOL THIS is actually my next
LOL THIS is actually my next step if SD12 doesn't shut her mouth real quick. DH is NOT going to be happy if he has to buy the pads. She might never get another pad lololol.
Well then he needs to pull
Well then he needs to pull his balls up by his boot straps. He would have to do it if you were never there.
I agree justagirl. Why does
I agree justagirl.
Why does ANYONE care about what the FATHER feels? Jesus, we protect these big strong men for no reason.
JustAgirl, I don't think she
JustAgirl, I don't think she feels guilty using anything in this house. She certainly has no problem eating the WHOLE pan of brownies or using up all the shaving cream. She feels ENTITLED to whatever she wants and she has made it plain she feels like she has more of a right here than my daughter, simply because it was her dad's house first. I really don't think that is the issue. The issue is/was and has always been that SD12 loves to be the center of attention and this was just another way of making herself everyone's focus for the evening.
I can certainly understand
I can certainly understand about entitlement. It's just a weird thing to think that she would complain to her mom about not having the right pads available at her dads in order to create trouble. I wouldn't want to make myself the center of attention because of pad use! But, I don't know your SD.
Great, I can't wait until my 'SD' starts her period and she takes all of her tampons from here to her mom's because her mom won't allow her to use them. She doesn't even let her wear deodorant. SD is not going to want to wear pads all of the time because of sports, but there's no way mom will let her put something in her 'sisser' - yes, that's what she calls it!
My SD hasn't said anything
My SD hasn't said anything but now I wonder if she might be uncomfortable. I just have a huge stash in the downstairs bathroom in a drawer, overnight pads, thin pads, every type of tampon etc. (I coupon so I get a lot of it free there is literally every brand and every type) I wonder if SD cares that she doesn't have "her own" I guess if she asked it wouldn't be a big deal, for all I know she does take some and stash them in her room or something.
I agree that it is the parent's job, but I am surprised so many people have posted that the BM should buy them. Pads are a necessity not a luxury.
That's QUEEN cabinet to you
That's QUEEN cabinet to you missy
Did you do everything that BM
Did you do everything that BM demanded of YOU, StepAside?
The kid has access to supplies. It just may not be the extra special unicorns farting fairy dust kind.
I'm surprised so many think
I'm surprised so many think BMs should provide pads for use at dad's house.
Why stop at pads? Maybe SKs should come to visits loaded with grocery, toothpaste, soap, laundry supplies.....
OMG!!!!! It's about control.
OMG!!!!! It's about control. The SD seemed happy with said brand. The father has full custody. The BM is trying to exert control over someone else's home. What ever! I wouldn't have it! If my SD12 *needed* a different brand, then fine, we'll get the special ones, ut if the ones we have are fine I'm not going overboard with 10 different types or brands of pads or tampons. The SD is just trying to cause ways.
On another note, my SD12 has yet to have her first period. I loathe the day
But, her aunt has bought her several different types of liners, pads with and without wings , several different types of tampons ...The day after SD asked DH and I to buy pads for her because she felt like she was going to "have a period any day now" That was when she was 9. With the fancy variety her aunt and grandmother bought, it felt like SD had them one up DH. Ugh.
^^^this^^^ Not all girls are
^^^this^^^ Not all girls are comfortable going to dad for menstrual supplies so as a biomom I would make sure I took the lead on this.
My own opinion, a lot of
My own opinion, a lot of people missed the point of this...
1) SD LIVES with dad and OP, so she's not a "visitor" there. If anything, she's a "visitor" at BM's
2) Why is it suddenly such an issue that SD NEEEEEEEEEEEEEDS her own box?
3) Having a box of sanitaries in a communal bathroom (or linen closet) for all of the women in the house to use is NOT that big of a deal
4) Note OP said HER OWN DAUGHTER also uses the communal stash. So it's OK for her own daughter, but not her step?
5) OP is not withholding supplies, she's just saying she's not buying separate boxes/packages.
If it's that big of a deal, throw some in a plastic walmart bag (from the original jumbo package) and tell them they are all hers in the bag, and nobody else's.
So I'm not getting why everyone is up in arms. And I will say... the only reason my DD and I have "separate" supplies is because her bathroom is at the opposite end of the house than my bathroom. BUT.... we buy a huge package/box and split it between the two of us.
Maybe I've been guilty of not letting my daughter have sanitaries all her own all this time.... ooops.
I'm probably hypersensitive
I'm probably hypersensitive to situations like this because of one I previously had.
SS's, who are here basically 18hrs a week (one overnight, if even that) INSISTED on a particular type of toothpaste, NOT the type they use at home, nor the type any of us here use. They just wanted it because they saw a commercial for it.
However.... NOBODY else was supposed to use it, it was only for them. And the kicker -- I don't think they brushed their teeth once in all the times they were here (gross, but not my problem). The tube sat in the box, unused, for well over a month (DH even pointed out to them I had purchased "that" toothpaste, as I was trying to compensate for all of my other alleged short-comings as a SM).
One day my DD tells me she had used the last of the toothpaste she and my DS use, so I told her there was more in the cabinet. So, she grabs one and opens it. Yup, it was THAT one, the one that had been in the cabinet for well over a month.
Oh, the holy hell that rained down the next weekend the SK's were here and saw THEIR toothpaste in the bathroom, opened, and obviously used by others. You would have thought the cat puked on their pillows.
Ridiculous, but true. So for me it just goes back to the simple fact that at OP's house, stuff is communal. It seems to work for everyone else there. Yes, I understand, a $7 box of sanitaries...not much in the scheme of things. But sometimes, it's the "little things" that we do, overlook, agree to that pile up and eventually become big things.
I guess my question still remains, why is it NOW an issue with OP's SD? Because BM is now trying to tell SM how things will be in SM's house?
It sounds like your SS's may
It sounds like your SS's may have been trying to exert some form of control while at their dad's -or- they were just being stingy.
We don't have a problem with SD 'insisting' on anything specific here, since FDH buys her whatever she wants! :? Although, she doesn't have any siblings or step-siblings that she has to share with.
You took my daddy and NOW
You took my daddy and NOW you're taking my toothepaste??
Does anyone else see a pattern. Hint: it has something to do with "blending" families
That's exactly what I was
That's exactly what I was thinking about OP's SD. She's trying to 'hold on' to whatever she can.
LMAO... Thank you for the
LMAO... Thank you for the laugh, Mairin!
This thread has a life of its
This thread has a life of its own it seems.
As a BM I say this:
If a SM meets my daughter's feminine products NEEDS (as OP has clearly done), SM is awesome.
If a SM doesn't want to cater to my daughter's feminine products PREFERENCES, that is not SMs problem. It's mine and my exHs if we want to cater to it (and truthfully, I probably would - I don't even care if someone calls me DisneyBM)
Directed at no one in particular: FFS people, stop acting like this SD is being mistreated. Just because the SMs products aren't "good enough" for SD doesn't mean the SM is wrong.
^^Aaaannnnd, there you
^^Aaaannnnd, there you go!
Good summation.
I had a talk with SD12 after
I had a talk with SD12 after she got home from BM's yesterday (after school). Turns out SD12 wanted to wear tampons and BM would not let her. So the whole thing with SD12 wanting her own box of pads was basically a part of her manipulation of her mother, trying to make herself look mistreated so she can get her way.
Since SD12 has lied to BM TWICE in the past, saying we didn't have any pads in the house when we did (the last time was also an attempt to get BM to allow her to wear tampons instead of pads), I told SD12, right in front of DH, that the next time I hear ANYTHING about pads from BM, I was putting her father in charge of her menstrual supplies.
So DH tells her she better never make an issue of this again because he is NOT going to buy pads and she will end up using a folded up paper towel.
Hopefully this will end the whole pad issue here at the house. Next time I post about this, the thread will probably involve paper towels
So NOT shocking a SD *and* BM
So NOT shocking a SD *and* BM made a huge issue for a SM that really wasn't about the SM *at all*
Can't totally blame the BM, she was lied to and thought SDs feminine product needs weren't being met (which is truly and wholly unacceptable). Although as a BM I would had taken it up with exH, not the SM.
To all you "poor whittle SD" posters, do you now see why this was never about pads? It was about control. In this case, the SD wanting something her BM had already told her was a no-go (whether we agree with it or not).
Well SM certaintly rushed to
Well SM certaintly rushed to take the bait. Control was fervently fought for by both. So, no winners in this game.
???????????? Seriously? It's
????????????
Seriously? It's the SM's home. Not the BM's home. Of course she's going to fight to keep her from crossing established boundaries.
Would your DH get you your
Would your DH get you your brand? Would he get you any brand at all?
If I was ill or otherwise
If I was ill or otherwise couldn't get out, I would imagine that, yes, DH would get pads for me if I asked him to. And I'm sure he'd get them for SD12, too, if push came to shove. He's not as hard-hearted as he would have people believe... he's actually very tender-hearted toward those he loves.
My FDH picked me up a pack of
My FDH picked me up a pack of tampons just the other night...simply because I asked him to while he was out. He's a grown-up, so I wouldn't expect him to have a problem with it.
Seems like some posters are
Seems like some posters are being deliberately dense just so they can argue and make the OP feel like she didn't do enough.